Your Kink, My Kink
When it comes to kinks – in the bedroom, out of the bedroom, whatever – I pretty much live by a simple saying: “My kink is okay, your kink is okay.” In other words, I don’t judge people for the things they do (if they’re not along the lines of murder and other crimes) and I hope people will not judge me for the weird/different things I do.
I’m not a particularly kinky person by nature. I feel that when it comes to things – both in and out of the bedroom – I’m a pretty standard, run of the mill person and so is my husband. We have our quirks, but that’s about it.
It wasn’t always that way, though.
When my husband and I met, he was well and truly in place with who he is. Me? I was in a pretty screwed up environment and I had no idea what was going to happen from day to day. I tried different things, hung out with different types of groups, tried different fashions, etc.
Even now I’m not quite firm on the woman I am and the woman I want to be, but I have definitely settled down into a groove of sorts as far as my habits and desires. There were times in the past, though, when my ways and my husband’s ways didn’t mesh and we had to work through things to find a level of understanding and acceptance.
Some people aren’t willing to change to accommodate their partners, however. They consider any move to change them a statement of prejudice against whatever it is you are attempting to change, even if it’s just a little bit.
Have you ever been with someone who was unwilling to change, even though the behavior was damaging the relationship?
November 18th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
I’ve been with my hubby for almost 16 years and before that I was in my late teens so those boyfriends then can get a pass. My husband “works on” a lot of things. There are things he does that drive me nuts that I’ve just learned to overlook and realized that is just who he is and he’s not going to change and shouldn’t have to really.
But he has never said “I’m not changing that” or “deal with it” or took that kind of attitude. If something hurts me, he always wants to change. Sometimes he falls back into old habits, but he always seems genuine that he wants to get better at things (like back rubs or being more expressive).
I really love the way him and I can talk about something. If something is bothering me, he’ll talk about it with me and “work on it”. He is a space cadet so when he does slip, he’s not doing it to personally hurt me, he just spaces out and forgets he’s supposed to be “working on it” lol
A different kind of relationship I have with someone that absolutely will not change and has no desire to own up to their faults or how their actions hurt others…my parents. They’d rather never talk to me again I think than see or admit their part in something. That’s been just a joy having to work through the emotions of over the years
November 19th, 2008 at 6:01 am
Haha! The strange thing is that when it comes to my relationship, it sounds like I’m like your husband. I never, ever try to hurt my husband or refuse to change, but I can be quite the space cadet and forget things a lot.
As for parents, I’ll just say: I know what you mean!