What you’re saying: I want to play!
It’s Monday, and though my “What you’re saying…� column usually will come out later in the week, it seems fitting today. With all four of my little ones running around right now as I’m trying to juggle making dinner (homemade beef stroganoff—first attempt!) and keeping my sanity—Sonija’s comment seems really appropriate.
“I have a 5 yr old and I do not know what time alone with hubby is anymore. I wake up at night thinking that that person snuggled up to me is my hubby only to find out that the person next to me has real tiny feet stuck to my back as he pushes me out of the way. Apparently he had a nightmare and came in during the middle of the night…�
While my husband and I count ourselves VERY fortunate that our 11-month old sleeps the night (and in his own bed), this wasn’t always the case. While I was nursing, we were often separated by the “Bub.� And, I was so tired of being tugged on that when he was done nursing I didn’t want to be touched at all.
Today, I’m counting the seconds until my hubby gets home—so that I can collapse. Hubby is counting the seconds until he gets home so that he can either a) collapse, or b) spend time with me. I’m too tired for either of those scenarios!
So, how do we get out schedules in sync? How do we accomplish all the things on our list for the day and still make time for the play dates that I mentioned last week? (especially when finding a sitter is a challenge?)
No, seriously—how do we do that????
On a few occasions, my husband and I have been able to make it happen—with and without a sitter. Here are a few things that we’ve managed without a sitter:
1. With an old picnic blanket thrown down in the living room, an old movie on the TV, candles lit, and an old-fashioned Italian picnic prepared—it almost feels like we’re in the middle of Golden Gate Park on a warm, summer night.
2. If you’re the outdoorsy-type like we are: pitch a tent in the backyard. (Don’t laugh, adults can do it too!) Take the baby monitor outside (if you must), and spend and evening making love under the stars. If you try hard enough, you just might be able to recall Yosemite when you were dating.
3. If your bathtub will accommodate, plan a romantic bath for the two of you—with champagne, candles, favorites soaps, sponges, and oils for afterward.
4. A night of massage: We’ve done this many times, and we can’t emphasize enough that only ONE person an evening should receive a massage. There’s nothing that kills relaxation more than having to reenergize to reciprocate.
I recommend “date night� on a Friday so that if you end up staying up late, you can alternate Saturday and Sunday mornings with a late sleep-in for each of you. It’s a nice little break for both of you to get a morning to sleep in on the weekend. And, with four children, I know that it’s not possible to get to sleep in WITH hubby. Ours wake up at the CRACK of dawn (on the east coast—BTW, we live in California!).
As with any of these ideas, my advice from yesterday would help (“Things in the Way�). When planning time with your partner, begin by distressing both of your days with eliminating unnecessary things (TV, email, etc). Even leave the dishes for tomorrow! Plan your playtime together formally (it sounds clinical, but it will help avoid one of your not being in the mood!) We make a point of spending one night a week without any technology. It helps immensely.
husband, date night, relationships, significant other, romance
October 23rd, 2006 at 10:25 pm
What great ideas! I love my children sleeping with my now the I’m single, but I remember my husband *never* allowing them in our bed. At the time I felt kind of bad for the little tykes, but I can also see that it was probably the only time we had alone together, whether we were sleeping, doing the horizontal tango, reading, or watching t.v.!
Bravo to you for nurturing your marriage in the midst of parenting four small children!
~Jill
http://www.datingwithchildren.net
October 24th, 2006 at 12:33 pm
Communication - The his/her perspective…
Okay, it’s been a few weeks since we did one of these but this one just seemed appropriate after last night. ;o) As always reading my husband’s version gave me a chuckle - hope it does for you too.
His perspective:
I grew up in a house wi…
October 25th, 2006 at 10:06 pm
Okay…
I’ve got to comment on #4.
It is my experience, and practice (unless you’re talking about the “going to the spa” variety massage) to always participate in MUTUAL/CONCURRENT massages.
This usually begins as simple cuddling, and gradually shifts into various stroking and kneadings… Basically, you focus on whatever’s closest at hand, if you know what I mean.
Of course, this often results in an evolution, or rather, escalation, and before you know it, the #4 is morphing into other, more complicated numerals.
Just my opinion ;-P
October 25th, 2006 at 11:33 pm
Tim-
I love your “numeric lesson” and I completely support the evolution to any and all number combinations.
However, my experience differs slightly. I think in intimacy there is a place for both kinds of massage. In my mind, your illustration is fabulous foreplay (I love alliterations!).
But, I’ve had some of THE best foreplay in completely giving over how the experience will go OR completely being in charge of the experience (receiving or giving the massage).
To each their own! Great points!
October 26th, 2006 at 2:23 pm
Dear Christina,
Please don’t ever let it be said about me that I do
not appreciate getting and/or giving a completely
submissive, receptive massage.
Heaven knows I do, because that’s where the experience
takes me
It’s just too few and far between in my world, whereas
the “foreplay,” and sometimes “fore-sleep-play” kind
are more prodigious and spontaneous.
Whether you have a “happy ending” or not, there’s
nothing like being touched by another. When you love
‘em, it’s even better (personal preference ;-).
Then there’s the “non-touch” massage. I love to give
these. You use your hands and body as in a regular
massage, but your flesh never touches the subject,
staying at least a fraction of an inch apart at all
times. The results can be the fanatstic fascinating
feel of a rewarding rubdown. Kinda like playing air
guitar, except the notes are really made by you!
Alliterally yours,
Tim
October 26th, 2006 at 5:17 pm
The non-touch massage…again, I think what the dialogue between you and I has proven is that it’s all about touch. That’s an incredible way to connect with your partner, no matter HOW you choose to go about it.
Now if you’ll excuse me…I’m going to go put all this into practice!
CP
October 27th, 2006 at 7:03 pm
I have to toss in my 2 cents (which I saves from the ever-changing reduction in the cost of gas in California) and state that I have actually received a massage similar to that mentioned by Tim. I found it to be extremely rewarding and the energy surrounding it could light up all the bulbs on Broadway! As I get older, though, I’m finding that I really enjoy (and physically require) a massage to work out the knots (and have knots ; ) of the day. Unfortunately for me and my husband, we usually end up exhausted by giving (okay…carpal tunnel wasn’t around when I was younger) and getting (5 minutes and I’m relaxed to sleep). Perhaps the key is in the timing. I enjoyed your suggestions!