Long Relationships

In honor of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month and the brave struggles that are fought all over the world by women with this disease, I thought it fitting that my first entry be devoted to the lives and relationships that are irreversibly altered because of this illness.

From the moment that a woman first feels something or a mass shows up on a mammography, she is changed. I have seen it in the eyes of my mother, mother-in-law and grandmother. They have all dealt with the fear of not knowing, being diagnosed, and going through the hellacious treatment. And as their spirits adapt to what has been dealt to them, their relationships also transform. For some, the strain is too much on the relationship. For others, it is galvanizing—solidifying who they are to each other as their strengths and weaknesses come to the surface.

“That’s it! I can’t take it anymore!” my mother shrieked as she picked up handfuls of hair from the bathroom drain—about a month into her chemotherapy. My father grabbed her from behind, to strengthen what would be an emotional and physical collapse. They sat on the bathroom floor together, rocking and holding each other. And, then he whispered, “You know, I have always said I thought hair was just a nuisance! Let’s shave it!” Mom kept sobbing and said, “But then I’ll look just like you!” since my father had been shaving his head for years.

I think of my mom’s retelling of that story as I hold the picture in my hand of the two of them that Christmas, bald and laughing, with the caption: “It looks like we’ve been together too long!” 39 years of marriage, 12 cancer birthdays—my parents’ relationship has met beautiful and difficult times. Through all, they have remained true friends and dynamic partners. Their empathy for each other’s needs and willingness to listen to each other has made what could have been a troubling journey into a memorable one.

Celebrating these women and the men who have marched beside them, ABC’s The View is highlighting individuals who are “Warriors of the Week” all October. This week, a woman nominated her husband who had been her strength and source of support through not just one, but two fights with the disease, beginning at the age of 29.

We all seek that kind of relationship that would endure such trials—but how do you know if you’ve found it? And, more importantly, what in the world do you do when you realize you have it?

Exercise: Celebrate a warrior you know and ask them to relate one aspect of their relationship that fostered strength.
Resources:
The View, ABC Daytime
Susan B. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation

National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, cancer birthdays, ABC’s The View, “Warriors of the Week”