Long Relationships

It’s not often that I have control of the television. Even less often than that are the moments that I watch anything related to pop culture—yes, I’ve watched Oprah a time or two…

But, this morning it was just my little one and I up. He uttered nary a sound to let Mommy watch her bit of mindless television (as the coffee wasn’t ready yet). The silence got the better of me and I walked into the kitchen to check on him. He was happy as a lark—a lark in chocolate…

Onto my point: What I was watching…

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I give you a single gal, living in a one-bedroom apartment, going to clubs, enjoying a fledgling acting career. I have no idea if she was happy, what books were on her shelves, what wants were in her mind, or what desires in her heart. But, that (as the media would paint it; courtesy of “E! News Special Tom & Katie’s Wedding�?) is all in the past.

Now, she is married to an internationally famous actor. She is a new mother in a new home with a new religion. Katie Holmes has made some significant lifestyle and philosophical changes in her life over the past year.

I hope that the media has painted it poorly. I hope that she has much that is the same, much familiarity as she embarks on this marriage. In my mind, a marriage will only work if it is something that builds on the foundation of independent, firmly grounded individuals who have their personal beliefs well established before beginning their journey.

If all of your life’s established routines, habits and beliefs are overturned at the start, it would take incredible strength and perseverance on the parts of both individuals to make it work.

What I know from experience and what I’ll tell my girls is that the most important thing you can remember in a new relationship is yourself. Remember who you are and what is important to you. Just like in any science experiment, you’ll be hard pressed to figure out what’s working and what isn’t if you change too much of what is around and within you.

Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes photo credits (AP Photo/Andrew Medichini)

Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, wedding, Scientology