Long Relationships

R and I have certainly had our share of difficult times in the few years we have been together. I’ve said before that we joke if we can make it through this everything else is bound to be a cinch.

I feel as though we’ve turned a corner. Something has deepened between the two of us. Perhaps we’ve acknowledged internally all that we’ve been through and can see ourselves on the other side of it now? Perhaps we’re sharing more of ourselves than we used to? Opening up comes more easily. We’re less apt to resort to Nothings when something truly bothers us. Remembering to touch each other in passing comes almost without thought.

We could have easily turned the other way in the last few years. It’s so easy to throw up your hands when something isn’t working. We threw that thought into the arena more than once. And, I don’t think we said it truly wanting to end our relationship, but more as a qualifier. We were at our breaking point. Though it may seem awful to declare it that way, touting the demise of your own marriage with a “Well, maybe we just shouldn’t be together anymore�—it happened.

What turns couples back from the edge of the cliff? When you’re seemingly standing at the end of the relationship, what turns it around? What is that defining feeling or moment that makes you realize the relationship is worth it or that you haven’t yet given everything you could to trying to work it out? How can you tell that there are more miles left to travel together and that this is not the place where your paths are supposed to diverge? What takes you back to the home you’ve built night after night, even when so much of life might have already torn it apart?

For me, it is our children—his, mine and ours. I can finally feel us changing into not just separate units, but a unique dynamic of souls that come together because we want to. We were thrown together and personalities, habits, cultures clashed. For a while, we truly sat in the daze of that clash, not quite sure what to do with each other. Now, we look forward to the moments we’re together and feel emptiness when we’re apart.

I don’t think that’s what R wanted to hear when he asked why I’m still here. But, it’s the truth. I have always loved him. And, our children (despite all the chaos) are what kept us together so that we might fall back in love again. I hope we fall in love many times before the end. It makes all the emotions we experience in between that much more fulfilling.

Our anniversary is approaching…the next few posts will talk about marriage: what it means, how it should be celebrated, how to keep it alive, how best to renew your love (even daily), and my evolution of joy around the idea.

stepfamily, marriage, relationships, long relationships, falling in love, love