Tim Kellis on How to Resolve Conflict in a Marriage?
When one looks at the question of marriage in our culture today one has to wonder if there is a fundamental approach to relationships that is not yet understood. After all, most if not all, enter into the institution of marriage with the belief that whatever life deals the marriage the problems can be resolved.
How can you stand in front of your family, friends and God and declare your lifetime devotion to each other but still see all of the promises and potential fizzle away like some sparkler on The Fourth of July.
If you think about it, you meet the one person in your life who you believe completes you, who makes you whole, yet you end up arguing over who gets the china you received at your wedding, not to mention arguing over what to do with the kids. After all the reason you exchange rings at the wedding ceremony is because the ring, symbolic of the circle, represents wholeness. Throughout history the circle has represented wholeness because there is no beginning and no end.
If you think about the concept of spending your life together with someone else you would hopefully believe the biggest issue you would have to deal with is how to resolve the conflicts in the marriage. After all, when you bring together two people from two completely separate backgrounds you would have to believe that there is inevitably going to be conflict. I believe you would have a hard time, particularly in today’s society, finding two people who agree on everything.
So the real question here would have to be “how do you resolve conflicts in the marriage”?
April 7th, 2009 at 11:47 am
Great to see you back here again Tim. Sometimes I wonder if you resolve conflict or if you just agree to disagree–which are worlds apart.
There are beliefs and feelings that my husband and I have that no amount of discussion will change. Luckily, most of them are not important and not worth wasting time on. But the big ones: how to raise kids, our extended families, and sometimes money can be never ending battles.
Having grown up in a very different manner than my husband, in a family that would nowadays be called “dysfunctional”, our ideas don’t always mesh or we can’t understand why something is important to the the other.
I’m thankful, though, that I’ve married my best friend, and there is no one I respect as much as I respect my husband. That goes a long way to helping solve problems.
Cheryl
April 7th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
In my marriage there hasn’t been a conflict we haven’t been able to resolve through discussion. We were raised in completely different worlds and as a result we have to be more open with each in our beliefs. We have to be willing to compromise.
Which I think is the most important. In a marriage, it’s not just about one person any more. You make this commitment to come together as a single unit. One person can’t have more ‘power’ in the joining. If both are on equal footing then conflicts can be easier to solve.
April 8th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
My husband and I growl at each other sometimes, but we don’t have a lot of outright conflicts and they’re never anything we can’t get through by talking it out, finding where we stand and then just going from there.
May 11th, 2009 at 11:02 am
These are all really good points!
As a relationship expert (www.ChoiceRelationships.com), I would like to add that couples need to know that conflicts are bound to happen. But here’s the good news: there are skills they can learn so that they can handle them better. When they do, their partnerships fare much better. I offer a free teleseminar, “The 7 Tools to Manage Conflict Communication in Your Relationship.” To hear it, go to: http://choicerelationships.com/teleseminar_resources.
May 24th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
Thank you for stopping by, Karen.