Long Relationships

Talking about sex can be hard, but it can also be fun. If your partner is refusing sex, maybe it’s not so much talking that needs to be done as generating ideas for new play. Here to help you along to figuring out how to begin the conversation is…

1. No matter which method you use, talk about sex using “I” statements. Saying ‘you’ makes the other person feel defensive.
2. Try introducing something new into your lovemaking. A little bottle of chocolate body paint could be fun. perhaps a blindfold might be fun as well. Start small. Then talk about if it worked or not.
3. Try a new position. Sick of the missionary? Find a position which will be easy for you to introduce and do it. You can then talk about what worked/didn’t work about it.
4. Lingerie. This might be portrayed in the movies/on television as the last ditch effort, but it most certainly is not. A little slinky something or other (you don’t have to pay a fortune if you don’t want) can be just the new thing to get your partner interested. From then on you can slowly start talking about other things that your partner might like.
5. Costumes. This is kind of the same as lingerie, but a bit more interesting. It can also help you with a discussion opener. “I thought it would be fun to try a costume, and I was wondering if you had any interests…”
6. A hot bath beforehand. Maybe the reason behind everything is that your partner is stressed. A hot bath says you’re thinking of your partner and opens the path to talking about stresses that could be stopping your lovemaking. Not too hot. Warm is the temperature to help your partner relax and more easily become aroused.
7. Do something for your partner. This goes along the lines of the hot bath. Seeing you doing something that’s normally your partner’s responsibility can be one of the sexiest things ever. It might not work all the way to the bedroom, but even if it doesn’t it will still be greatly appreciated.
8. Buy a sex book. The often-illustrated sex books can be your key to opening the doors of discussion about sex as well as finding new avenues to explore.
9. Declare naked time. It will likely be hard at first - especially for people who are insecure about their bodies, but naked time can be the most freeing, comfortable time you’ll ever discover. It might also help you raise each others’ confidence about your bodies.
10. Food. Food, food, food. Try something new or fun. It can be the beginning of a great romp and/or a great conversation. “No, I don’t really like the whipped cream, but I would like…” See what I’m getting at?
11. Bring home some porn. Yep, good old fashioned porn. Maybe it’ll only go so far as helping get you in the mood, but it might give you both some ideas as well.
12. Read a romance novel. Reading a romance novel - or even skimming one - can give you an excuse to break the ice in the sex talk. “I was reading this book and was wondering…”
13. If all else fails, gather your courage and ask your partner to talk. It might be hard, but if it’s between you feeling a little bit embarrassed and your relationship possibly failing, what is it going to be?

Good luck! And good fun as well.

Check out my other Thursday Thirteens on Write Anyway, The Book Stacks, and Fiction Scribe