The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Enhancing Sexual Desire Questions Answered
Welcome back to Enhancing Sexual Desire week here at Long Relationships.
This week, the lovely ladies who wrote The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Enhancing Sexual Desire, Rachel Greene Baldino and Judy Ford, are answering a question about enhancing sexual desire each day.
This month the ladies are touring with Pump Up Your Book Promotion Virtual Tours to get the word out about their book. (And it’s an excellent book I’m happy to have a copy of! If you would like a free copy, check out this post.) Whether you are new to a relationship or have been in one for twenty years, this book has something for you!
I hope you’ll join me in welcoming them to the site!
Today Rachel answers a question that may seem to have an obvious answer but we all needed to be reminded of every now and then.
“What are a few emotional triggers that will kill sexual drive and what can we do about it?”
Rachel: Well, of course, the biggest culprit is anger – or rather anger that is inappropriately expressed, or expressed at the wrong time or place. Couples fight, and healthy fighting with a mutual goal of resolution can even lead to communication breakthroughs and increased emotional intimacy. But fighting that is cruel or pointless is one of the biggest mood killers there is.
JM says: Absolutely! Anger - especially pointlessly dragged out anger - is a poison for relationships. It’s normal to fight, but make sure your feelings and problems are being taken care of. If you’re going to bed angry more times than not, it’s time to sit down with your partner and figure out your relationship.
Thanks again, Rachel!
February 12th, 2008 at 10:24 am
You mean I can’t call my husband a “selfish jerk”. Darn! LOL! Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Fighting is a natural part of getting to a resolution, but there are days when fighting doesn’t even seem worth it.
What if there is a situation that continues to arise and one person resents the other for not seeing it her way or working towards a resolution? How can couples get beyond that resentment and the situation that never seems to change to have a good sex life again?
Thanks.
Cheryl
February 12th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
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February 12th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Hi Cheryl,
Thanks so much for the question! In those situations where resentments are just building and building, it is important to find a way to stop this build-up of resentment, and different couples have different ways to doing this. Some take a vacation (or even just a date night), and the change of scenery is enough to get them re-focused on the positive. Other couples in such a situation could benefit from some couples counseling.
Thanks again for your interest!
- Rachel Baldino, co-author, with Judy Ford, of “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Enhancing Sexual Desire”
February 14th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Dear Cheryl,
Oh those little resentments pile up one by one and eventually there’s a wall that is hard to dismantle. Especially in fights we all have a tendency to get stubborn, to hold our positions and not back down. A stalemate isn’t a sexy place. Nothing happens there. When it comes right down to it to move forward we all have to make the generous gesture and be willing to back off. Say something like, “I’ll be nice if you’ll be nice.” or “Let’s not be stubborn with each other.” “Let’s assume the best in each other and get back to loving.”
Here’s to love,
Judy Ford, “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Enhancing Sexual Desire.”
February 14th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Thank you ladies for being on my blog!