Long Relationships

An article appearing in The New York Times this week described measures Texas legislators are taking to promote marital counseling and the option of a covenant marriage. Conservative proponents of these proposals cite a a desire that “everyone who enters a marriage, or tries to get out of one, to know that the institution is to be taken seriously, especially for the sake of children who could grow up impoverished because of divorce.”

“Divorce is what keeps many of our people in poverty,� said Representative Warren Chisum, a Republican and sponsor of several marriage bills. “I am trying to do something to raise people out of poverty.�

One of Mr. Chisum’s proposals, approved by the House on Thursday, would waive the $30 marriage license fee for couples who take eight hours of premarital instruction courses. He also proposed increasing the fee to $100 for those who do not take the courses, but opposition from members of both political parties forced him to back off of that effort. The opponents said that would have amounted to a marriage tax and would have discouraged marriage.

Other legislative proposals include the following items:

- Extend the waiting period for a no-fault divorce in Texas from two months to six
- Allow a three-month waiting period for a no-fault divorce if the couple participates in 10 hours of marital counseling
- Create a covenant marriage option wherein a couple agrees to participate in marriage counseling and make all efforts to preserve the marriage, despite difficulties

Not all conservative groups support the idea of covenant marriage, a measure that some states have taken that has not yet seen clear results. Kelly J. Shackelford, President of Free Market Foundation (a conservative, non-profit advocacy group associated with Focus on the Family), draws marriage into the realm of black-and-white contracts, saying, “It is the only contract currently in the state of Texas that you can breach with impunity.

It is interesting to note that Texas social workers oppose these proposals.

“We’re all for protecting healthy families and strong and healthy children,� said Carol Miller, director of government relations for the association. But, she said, there may be negative unintended consequences from some of the legislation.

Ms. Miller worried that extending the wait for a divorce would delay court orders for custody and child support.

“This is not necessarily in the best interest of these children,� she said.

In general, I firmly believe that strong marital counseling can create significant change in a new or struggling couple. I would be optimistic that a couple with a qualified counselor, commitment to the relationship, and willingness to change would experience a positive impact.

I am not convinced, however, that this is the territory of the government, mostly because a committed couple should do what it takes to preserve their relationship. There is stigma around counseling and “what kind of people” get therapy, but if the end result is a stronger relationship and better self-awareness, the counseling is worth sacrificing any remnant of dignity or self-assurance a person has once had. Texas legislators are using these proposals to save marriages and prevent divorce, but I am skeptical. I simply find it hard to believe that if a partner is bent on divorce, 10 hours of marriage counseling will change that person’s mind.

couples, marriage, counseling, divorce, New York Times

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