Long Relationships

When you start dating and trying out relationships, every now and then you get into a relationship that you later want to end, but the other person doesn’t want it to end. Sometimes you have a hard break up that heals over time, but other times you have someone who won’t leave you alone.

This is called stalking.

An ex who won’t leave you alone is only one form stalking. You don’t have to be in a romantic relationship to get stalked; stalking comes in many shapes and sizes. Sometimes you can be stalked by someone of the same sex. Sometimes you can be stalked by someone you considered a friend rather than a romantic partner. And sometimes you can even be stalked by someone you never met.

What is stalking? As defined by the New South Wales police department, stalking is:

…a serious offence and one that can affect any person, whether or not in a relationship. The victim may know the offender or may have met them only once or may not have ever met them. A victim may only realise the fact that they are being stalked by identification of a pattern of strange or suspicious incidents, such as phone calls, SMS messages, notes left on their car or being continually followed and stared at by a person.

Definition

Stalking, as defined in the NSW Crimes Act means “the following about of a person or the watching or frequenting of the vicinity of or an approach to a person’s place of residence, business or work or any place that a person frequents for the purposes of any social or leisure activity”.

Intimidation means:
“(a) Conduct amounting to harassment or molestation, or
(b) The making of repeated telephone calls, or
(c) Any conduct that causes a reasonable apprehension of injury to a person or to a person with whom he or she has a domestic relationship, or of violence or damage to any person or property.”

Stalking in the context of the offence is the act of “Stalking or intimidation with intent to cause fear of physical and/or mental harm”. The act of stalking is also an act of intimidation and therefore, is considered part of the same offence.

Stalking is a serious thing. Victims of stalking, even without being physically touched by a stalker, can go through trauma that can stop them from leading normal lives. There are little things a victim might start doing, like driving a different route to work, and there are also bigger things, like not leaving the house for fear of being spotted.

There are also many mental aspects of being stalked like self-blame, fear, paranoia, and many other things a victim could go through because of this crime. Just knowing someone is watching you without any other action going on is still enough to drive some people to therapy.

I’m talking about stalking/intimidation this week because it’s an issue I have experience with and hold as very important. Too many people go through this mentally and sometimes physically damaging crime and feel as if they are alone and nothing can be done.

This week I’d like to talk to you about this issue in the hopes you can spread the word and help to stop this horrible thing from happening. I’ll also be touching on the emerging world of cyberstalking and how it compares to ‘traditional’ stalking.

The most important thing to remember if you are a victim of stalking is that you are not alone.