Second Time is a Charm Wednesdays
Last week was the first installment of this regular post. “Second Time is a Charm” will focus on all things related to a second marriage: relationships with stepchildren, budding stepfamilies, ex-wives, ex-husbands, and all the love in between. It’s my hope that the love seeps through. Sometimes, only my frustrations will, as R and I are in the midst of figuring out our second go ’round, too.
“The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.”
— Johnny Carson
If we had a dollar for every time we wished we’d heard that three years ago…Well, we wouldn’t be wishing that right now, I guess. Truthfully, I think divorced couples are so clouded with their grief at the demise of their relationship that they can’t see clearly what they’re doing. They can’t see that by “sticking it to” the other person with outlandish requests, claims and assertions, they are harming the welfare of the kids at the other parent’s home.
Because two parents believe that “divorce” was the end of their relationship, despite having two children together, their children are suffering right now. Blindness by hurt and grief and a willingness to “just leave it to the courts to figure out” has cost both sides over $70,000 each. Revenge has been exacted 100–even 1000–times over.
This Week’s Tip: If you are in the middle of a divorce right now–stop it! Stop thinking of that other person as your “spouse,” “ex-spouse,” or any derivitive of that word. They are your child’s parent. They were a parent before you got divorced, and they are one now. They are just as good a parent as before the divorce. So, support them–for you are still married to them in that way. And stop, letting your grief manifest as revenge. Despite what you think, you can’t hide it from the kids.
relationship, stepfamily, second marriage, ex-wife, ex-husband
December 5th, 2006 at 12:55 pm
Making marriage work takes committment, energy and a bit of luck. Making an open marriage work is like driving at 100 mph on ice.