Romance Novels - Bad for Relationships?
My mother used to have rows of romance novels on her book shelves. I used to love looking through them, giggling at the racy covers, then admiring the wonderful writing of these so-called ‘paperback porn novelists’. I looked forward to the day I could inherit the books I loved so much.
Years later, I went with my parents to a church. The pastor (preacher? reverend?) did a sermon on how romance novels are to women what porn is to men. Women, by reading romance novels, were putting unfair expectations on their current or future husbands.
Excuse me?
I was outraged. Did he really think that every single woman in the congregation was that stupid? Did he honestly thing that we were all sitting there either dreaming of the well-endowed yet sensitive man to come swashbuckling into each of our lives (or some were wishing their partners were that way)?
I forgot about it over the following weeks and went back to university. Mere hours away.
On a cold winter day, my mother called and informed me that not only had she gotten rid of all her romance novels, but she had destroyed them. It wasn’t enough to donate them to a charity store – she destroyed them.
I’m practically seething as I think about it and it’s been a couple years.
I can’t help but wonder – is there anyone out there who agrees with the pastor? (Don’t be afraid to say so. I won’t attack you or criticize you for your opinion.)
Is it possible that romance novels can be bad for relationships? Do they encourage feelings of resentment or unfair expectations?
I’d like to see what your opinions are on the subject.
March 6th, 2008 at 12:19 am
I kind of agree with the guy in that it’s all fantasy and highly unrealistic. Some women read those and then get so frustrated when their man doesn’t come anywhere near performing like the men in those books. I can see where he’d compare that with a man looking at porn and expecting his woman to look like that or getting lost in the fantasy.
I can’t stomach romance books like Harlequin and I don’t see how any woman could or what the point in reading them is.
I mean there isn’t exactly intellectually stimulating plots in those books so what is another purpose for reading them than what the guy said?
Do I think they are as bad for a relationship as porn is? Not at all, but I can see the point he was going for.
March 6th, 2008 at 12:24 am
I was a bit ranty and should have said that I kind of can see where he is coming from, but I don’t think he should have compared it to porn. Some women do get too much into it and their relationships suffer, but I fail to believe that intelligent women would use romance novels like porn or for a guide to finding the perfect man.
March 6th, 2008 at 9:27 am
I don’t think intelligent women would be reading them in the first place lol.
But I hear what you are saying, a smart woman would seperate the fiction from the reality.
I remember over the summer when we went on a long road trip, I picked up a book by an author I had read before that did mystery suspsense type and it turned out to be some cheesy romance and I couldn’t read more than a chapter of it. I read excerpts to my husband and we were cracking up at how lame it was. I wanted a light read, but it was so over the top that and I remember thinking how could any woman read this and get into it.
Maybe it would be more accurate to say it’s like a guy that is really into comic books thinking his woman should be like the comic book women?
March 6th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Well, not all romance novels are pure smut. They often have other elements, but because romance and/or sex is in there, they are put into that genre.
True, that could be more accurate. Maybe it’s the sex element often round in romances that made him jump to the ‘it’s porn’ conclusion. But there is still the whole fantasy and reality part of things.
March 6th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
I think he might have taken it to the extreme myself. That said, some woman, like men, look to other sources for what their perfect man should be. I used to read the teen romance novels (nothing sexual) and longed for a wonderful boyfriend liked that but knew it wasn’t going to happen.
The same goes with movies though too.
I only read mysteries or thrillers. I have read a couple romance novels that had mystery to it but nothing more than that ‘cuz I get bored with it.
But even in some of the books I read the sex scenes are too funny!
March 6th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Very true. I can understand a teen doing that, but even then there is usually the qualifier of ‘but I knew it wasn’t going to happen’.
Admittedly, some romances take it too far and you burst out laughing at a ’serious’ scene.
June 16th, 2008 at 7:32 am
It is kind of interesting that you bring this up. Here’s what I know about this.
They did do some studies on the this topic. I’m having a hard time finding anything online about it though.
They found that when a woman reads a romance novel her brain is actually going through the same chemical changes that a mans mind goes through when he views porn. So if this where the case it’s safe to assume that both would have similar cause and effect. Both the good and the bad.
A man would rather watch porn and would be completely shut off to the idea of a romance novel.
Where as a woman would rather read a romance novel and be repulsed by the idea of viewing porn.
These are the generalities to this so there are a lot of exceptions to the rules.
June 16th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
You know, I think I remember hearing about that study on the news or something like that.
As it always does, in the end, it comes down to the couple.