Site Meter Long Relationships » Blog Archive » Pre-Cohabitating Conversations

Pre-Cohabitating Conversations

by RA

In her column, “Tell Me About It,” Carolyn Hax shares her thoughts in response to a letter about how a couple might decide to split costs before moving in together. The anonymous reader fires of a list of questions in her letter:

Should each partner contribute equally to a household fund — a joint checking account to cover rent, utilities, groceries and other shared expenses? Or should they contribute proportionately according to their incomes? (Our incomes are vastly different — I’m a grad student; he has a well-paying job — so that doesn’t seem fair.) And we plan to get married; should the money system change then?

Hax begins her response with a rambling series of what may seem like half-baked generalities:

Some split expenses evenly, some split them according to income, some keep separate accounts, some merge them, some have both joint and separate accounts, some hide cash in joint and separate mattresses. This is the useless portion of the answer.

Some are happy with their arrangements, and some feel bullied, resentful, used. This is a continuation of the useless portion of the answer.

The point is, however, that “there is no correlation between any one type of arrangement and domestic bliss.” Hax urges the reader to decide with her boyfriend what is best for them both and not just in the realm of money.

This is about the hopes, plans, expectations, limits, selfishness and selflessness each of you will bring to this next stage of your life. Find out. Call it renter’s insurance.

In a move that I find admirable, Hax allows for the possibility that, after these discussions, the reader may not want to move in with her boyfriend. She slides personal finance into the realm of the deal-breaker. The conversations, in her opinion, should build the reader’s trust in her partner, but a decision not to move in together requires trust in herself. To conclude, Hax warns, “Don’t pack so much as a lunchbox until you’re confident you have both.”

- - -

, , , ,

For more, subscribe to LR.com’s feed


Leave a Reply


About Long Relationships

When you're in it for the long haul, a relationship can be great. What's not to love about having someone with you for fun times and tough times? Even so, commitment has its ups and downs as couples make decisions for the future, get under each other's skin, and grow together. Stay tuned for true stories about dating and marriage, opinions about popular opinions, and thoughts on what it looks like to go the distance.

Long Relationships Author(s)
    » JM

Blogging Flair

Dating & Relationships Channel Posts

  • Bonding With Your Children
    Today we have a special guest post from my friend Jenera. She'll be writing for Long Relationships this week. Having a relationship with your children is as important as your relationship with [...]
  • I can haz code....Iz dink so
    The code is as follows <a href="http://www.blogherads.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/larger-de-lurk-button3.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-1199" [...]
  • What you might have missed this week
    The Getting Married Process I am his keeper My visit with the Marriage Counselor The Marital Bed Post Number 435,537,344 I'm going to be brief, no really I am Technorati Tags: marriage [...]
  • De-Lurking Day - Wednesday, October 8th
    I'm celebrating and I'm trying to get as many people as possible to get involved.  In case you don't know what it means to "de-lurk", I"m getting you the definition, right here [...]
  • Talking to Your Spouse
    Today we have a special guest post from my friend Jenera. She'll be writing for Long Relationships this week. I heard on TV today that the average married couple only talks 12 minutes a day to [...]
  • I'm going to be brief, no really, I am
    My husband and I don't share a lot in common in terms of hobbies and the like.  But, we do make a great team.  We were fortunate that we met when we were some what older, early 30's, and [...]
  • The Marital Bed Post Number 435,537,344
    Since my husband had that lovely dental visit, I had to do his job tonight and bath boys as well as get them to bed.  I never do this part.  I haven't ever done it all by myself when my [...]
  • Friday Free-for-All - Hobbies
    I may technically be away at the moment, but that doesn't mean we have to put the Friday Free-for-All on hold. Inspired by the Weekend Soiree over at Wifely Steps (and pretty much using her idea, [...]
  • My Visit with the Marriage Counselor
    I say MY visit because I went alone.  It was nice.  We had a good chat and we checked off some of our goals that we set in the beginning.  We discussed where we were to go from here [...]
  • I am his keeper
    I know that it is common for men to know little about how to run the household other than to bring home a check and expect everything else to run smoothly around him. My husband is one of [...]

Hot Off The Press

  • Tuesday Book List of Vacations
    Woohoo! I'm officially on vacation at the moment! As you can see from my list, there are a good number of reviews coming up. You can thank Mr. JM for that. He's taken to reviewing quite well and [...]
  • Courtney Cox Arquette blossoms in blue yet is looking blue
    In Hollywood, age is insignificant. Whether you are 16 or 40, as long as you know how to pull off a look, you will surely stand out. However, aging in nature seems to be just inevitable. And [...]
  • No More Bikinis for Eve
    Nothing much going on in the series right now, since they are still in shoots. So here's a bit of eye-candy for Evangeline Lilly fans and why you won't be seeing much of this anymore... [...]
  • Perfect Bikini Lines with Bliss & Philips
    So, okay...it's the fall season and there isn't a good time to wear a bikini (unless you're from California). But ladies, this is still a good beauty gadget to have. The Bikini Perfect Deluxe [...]
  • microsoft office Labs: Project: Touchless
    Touchless enables touch without touching by using a webcam to track color based markers. Touchless includes two parts: Touchless Demo is an open source application that anyone with a webcam can [...]
  • Halle Berry’s oh-lala post pregnancy body
    Although she did not make it to this blog’s year-end countdown on the Vavavoom Moms category, surely, Halle Berry proves that when it comes to getting a knock-out body after pregnancy, she will [...]
  • Tattoo Spotlight: The Anchor
    While tattoos are becoming more and more acceptable within mainstream culture, there is little doubt that sailors were among the first groups to accept and embrace tattoos. With the renewed [...]
  • Friday Night Lights - Spoilers
    Friday Night Lights is showing the 13 episodes on Directv but if you wanna wait til it hits the public airways, don't read any further... SPOILER ALERT D.W. Moffett moves into town and plays the [...]
  • Pushing Daisies Season 2 Episode 2 Preview
    Up next for Pushing Daisies this Wednesday is the second episode called Circus Circus. And here is the official description and promo video from ABC. NED, CHUCK AND EMERSON GO LOOKING FOR A GIRL [...]
  • Corporate Economy a Paper Tiger
    A letter to the editor the Cumberland Times-News published eight years ago from Jan D. Tuckley. The economy of the corporate capitalists is like a bicyclist who has ridden over a cliff. Unaware [...]