Pre-Cohabitating Conversations
In her column, “Tell Me About It,” Carolyn Hax shares her thoughts in response to a letter about how a couple might decide to split costs before moving in together. The anonymous reader fires of a list of questions in her letter:
Should each partner contribute equally to a household fund — a joint checking account to cover rent, utilities, groceries and other shared expenses? Or should they contribute proportionately according to their incomes? (Our incomes are vastly different — I’m a grad student; he has a well-paying job — so that doesn’t seem fair.) And we plan to get married; should the money system change then?
Hax begins her response with a rambling series of what may seem like half-baked generalities:
Some split expenses evenly, some split them according to income, some keep separate accounts, some merge them, some have both joint and separate accounts, some hide cash in joint and separate mattresses. This is the useless portion of the answer.
Some are happy with their arrangements, and some feel bullied, resentful, used. This is a continuation of the useless portion of the answer.
The point is, however, that “there is no correlation between any one type of arrangement and domestic bliss.” Hax urges the reader to decide with her boyfriend what is best for them both and not just in the realm of money.
This is about the hopes, plans, expectations, limits, selfishness and selflessness each of you will bring to this next stage of your life. Find out. Call it renter’s insurance.
In a move that I find admirable, Hax allows for the possibility that, after these discussions, the reader may not want to move in with her boyfriend. She slides personal finance into the realm of the deal-breaker. The conversations, in her opinion, should build the reader’s trust in her partner, but a decision not to move in together requires trust in herself. To conclude, Hax warns, “Don’t pack so much as a lunchbox until you’re confident you have both.”
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couples, cohabitation, finance, personal finance, Carolyn Hax
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