Long Relationships

The thing to remember when your significant other withholds sex is that it isn’t the end of the relationship. If your significant other withholds sex on a regular basis, it means there are problems, but it doesn’t necessarily spell the end disaster either.

If you are the partner withholding sex, you need to keep in mind that genuinely not being in the mood once in a while is normal. However, if you keep refusing, your refusals are no longer just refusals. Keep in mind that the more you refuse the bigger shot you take at your partner’s ego, confidence (in the bedroom and otherwise), self image, and a lot of other things.

Now that you know withheld sex is not the end of your relationship, you need to know that it can be.

While French maid outfits or handcuffs might be giggle-worthy to read about, if that’s what it takes to help you back into a healthy sexual relationship then you need to take it seriously. If sitting down and having a one-on-one about both your wants/needs is what it takes, then you have to do it if you want your relationship to survive.

Some things to keep in mind before deciding it’s time to bring up the sex talk with your partner:

If your partner is a woman keep in mind that it can take a woman about twenty minutes to ‘get into it’. It’s the price we pay for multiple orgasms. Mind space for sex is important. Also keep in mind hormones have a lot to do with it as well. Different times mean different chances of getting her aroused.

If your partner is a man don’t subscribe to the idea put around the world that men can do it any time and any place. Some men can, just like some women can get off just as fast as a man. However, some men need the right head space like some women need the right head space. Sometimes we’re not always as different as you might think.

No matter what, keep your partner’s wants, needs, and life in mind when you go for sex. When your partner refuses, take note of the day, what your partner’s day has been life, what time of the month it is (this sounds sexist, but pay special attention to this if your partner is a woman. Some women can’t get enough sex at the time of the month and other women can’t stand to be touched.)

If there’s no consistency, there may be a problem, but if you’re always asking on Wednesdays when it’s his/her big meeting day or day to run the play group, that could be the reason behind the refusal.