Long Relationships

Last week I touched on the issue of couple finances and finding what is right for you and your relationship. At the end of the post, I said, “Be wary of anyone who insists on you giving up all your individual accounts.”

Today I’d like to explore that more. First things first, it’s not bad, paranoid, or against your relationship to keep an individual bank account that your partner never gets to see.

A big thing an abuser does is slowly (or quickly, depending) take control of all the aspects of his/her partner’s life. As you can imagine, a huge one is the bank account. If someone has no access or watched access to money, then they have one less resource that could help him/her out of the situation.

No, I’m not saying your partner is or will be an abuser, but I’m sure some abused spouses didn’t think it would happen when they got married and were left without their own account as a result.

That all being said, no, it’s not right to have thousands of dollars stashed away, be struggling to pay bills, and not tell your partner. There are grey areas to everything. However, that’s not the point I’m trying to make.

A lot of people may feel guilty about wanting to keep an individual account for some of their money. But you definitely shouldn’t feel guilty whatsoever.

Think of your individual account as:
*Your play money
*Your ‘unwatched’ money
*Your personal emergency fund
*Your resource in case something happens with your spouse

Some people may think keeping an individual account is inviting or expecting trouble, but it truly isn’t. Think about it this way: Do you really want someone to be able to track every dollar you spend?

True, that may not be possible, but having your own account is having your own space, your own money, your own whatever to do with as you please. And, inviting trouble or not, it is also your resource for emergencies if something happens and you need to get away from your spouse without being traced.

You do not need to feel guilty for keeping a personal account. You do not need to feel guilty if having only a shared account does not feel comfortable to you. You do not need to feel guilty if you don’t want any shared accounts.

Preparedness is not paranoia. Do what’s right for you.