Love Questions 12 - Cheating
Short Sweet Love Poems has thrown quite the interesting one at us this week in her Love Questions series, so let’s get right to it, shall we?
Nowadays, having extra-marital affairs is not something uncommon. Many people get involved with a third party at some point in their relationship and they would try to hide the affair from their partner.
But then there is always the feeling of guilt. And having two relationships at the same time just isn’t sustainable in the long term. So, if you break off the affair without your partner ever knowing that you have cheated, would you confess at some point?
Telling means hurting someone you care about with the ensuing distrust, grief and insecurity being felt by him or her. You may also lose the person in the process. Not telling means you are lying and not being fair to your partner when you should.
So, for Love Q #12:
If you have cheated on your partner, would you confess? But if you are the one being cheated upon, would you prefer your partner to tell or not to tell?
Telling may hurt someone you care about, but if you cared that much about hurting that person’s feelings in the first place, you probably wouldn’t have cheated.
Okay, that’s a bit rough and I apologize. However, I believe that you should be honest even if you have ‘gotten away’ with it. The thing is that even if your partner doesn’t know that you cheated, it’s more than likely s/he suspects something is ‘off’. And it’s that feeling of ‘off’ that will bring you troubles later.
So, would you rather your partner hear it from you sooner? Or would you rather things reach critical mass sometime down the road and s/he possibly hears it from someone else? We very often accuse and condemn people for what we ourselves are guilty of, so do you really think you can control your subconscious so completely?
I would want my partner to tell me. Even facing the hurt and anguish of being cheated on is better than not knowing what it is that is ‘off’ and causing friction in the relationship.
What do you think?
July 19th, 2008 at 6:44 am
I believe there are two kinds of people. One that would rather know and another that prefer not to know, or even if they know, they would turn a blind eye to what is going on for various reasons, e.g. kids. For me, I think I would want to know. At least then, I can make an informed choice of staying or leaving.
July 19th, 2008 at 10:43 am
If I cheated, I’d tell my hubby even if it was broken off. And I’d expect him to do the same. It’s only fair. Otherwise you’d always run the risk of the affair being found out in some weird random fashion and even more hurt feelings.
July 19th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
Aud - True, but imagine the people who are in the ‘don’t want to know’ category are definitely a minority.
Jenera - I had a feeling you would say that.
I agree; up front is the way to go.
July 22nd, 2008 at 5:52 pm
I cheated on my exhusband numerous times. And him me. I never told him. I think he knew. Right as we were divorcin he confessed his affairs to me and I felt so betrayed. Not that he had had them, but with WHOM he had had them with.
I have been married to my current husband 5 years. I have not cheated. I have not felt the urge. We have had many conversations about what if’s and could be’s. I have asked that if he were to cheat, please let me know so we can work at the base of why said cheating occured. He agreed ut asked me to do the same. I hope that is a conversation we never have.
July 24th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
I can’t help but feel a little uneasy with your response. If you had been cheating on him all that time and found out that he was doing the same, isn’t it a bit… strange to feel so betrayed by his behavior?
But that is long past and doesn’t bear any consequence now.
I’m glad you’re with someone you can be more open and honest with.