Love Question#21
Once again, I am late with this one. But then again, I don’t think anyone is really paying THAT much attention (are you?) to the dates I post things on. I’ve been flat out (still – never really stopped) and am starting to go into a bit of a panic mode because next week is my last full week to get work and such done before I am off and travelling. Ack. There’s never enough time to do everything.
But enough with my complaining. It’s time for Love Question 21:
“Albert Camus once said, “Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never.” I think many people can certainly relate to this rule - that it is hard to be mates with your ex.
But there are also people who can still forge a friendship with their ex, especially after all the commotion has died down and the decision to split up is mutual. They will still call and see each other now and then. Perhaps for some, the caring feelings are still there although any romantic notions may have disappeared.
For this week’s Love Q #21, let’s take a look at this issue: Is it advisable to maintain a great friendship with an ex? Would that friendship be worth it or would it complicates matters?”
Talk about your loaded questions…
This one is completely situational. Absolutely and completely. I don’t think a blanket answer could begin to do this one justice.
There are so many factors to consider like: How does the new partner feel about it? Does the ex still have feelings for the partner? Does the partner – whether s/he realizes it or not – still have feelings for the ex? How intense is the friendship – the occasional phone call might be fine but stopping by for a Friday movie night might now be. And there is plenty more to consider beyond that.
Personally, I would never force my husband to end a friendship. I would present my side of things, explain where I’m coming from, and then leave it to him. He’s a bit of an oblivious bloke when it comes to women’s attentions, though, so I would make it very, very clear how I felt.
What do you think?
September 19th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Personally, I think it’s hard being friends with an ex, especially when the split is recent. Somehow, I think I would need the space rather than being reminded of a soured relationship thru’ a friendship. Perhaps if the split is mutual and/or a considerable time has passed by, then a friendship may be possible.
September 19th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
I don’t talk to, see, or even really think about any of my exes (moving across the world helps that), so I don’t know about how I’d handle being friends with any of them. I think it could be done, but then again, my last ex is from years ago.
September 20th, 2008 at 12:12 am
I think it is a very rare person that can be friends with an ex and make it work. I am not friends with my ex because there was such raw emotion in our break up and the following months.
I would not like if my hubby was friends with one of his exes mainly ‘cuz I hate her guts, lol, and don’t trust HER. But I know there are a couple around here and because I know my hubby, I wouldn’t have a problem with him being acquainted with them.
But it’s always based on the individual circumstances. When kids are involved, I think you have to be civil. But otherwise, why stay friends with an ex?
September 23rd, 2008 at 7:18 pm
Yeah, there is the whole thing about why they are exes in the first place, and I doubt it’s only because ‘they’d rather just be friends’…
January 29th, 2009 at 5:25 am
[...] already talked about whether or not dating exes can be friends after the relationship is over, but can people who were married be friends after the marriage is [...]