Love Question Four
Brought to you by Short Sweet Love Poems
There is a saying that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. But to have loved and lost means painful negative emotions such as hurt, disappointment, betrayal, depression, anger and the feeling of being abandoned may take root in our hearts. This is true especially when a relationship sours. On the other hand, if there is no love affair, we don’t have to put ourselves at risk with these deep unhappy feelings although life may just be more monotonous.
So for Love Q #4: Is it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
I absolutely agree with the statement that’s it’s better to have loved and lost, but I have a sort of optimistic reasoning for it, strangely enough.
As much as I admire the romantic qualities of going out with one person in school and eventually marrying them, I think that only works for a small part of the population. Many more of us change too much in a lifetime to stay with the person we date in school.
I mean, think about the person you went out with in school – would you date him/her now? Would you mesh? Are you at all the person you were in school?
Loving and losing, while it hurts, teaches us what works for us and what doesn’t. I was never one to let a relationship experience go to waste and took at least one lesson from each of the relationships I had. While it didn’t help me avoid the relationships to follow that didn’t work out, I did ‘move up’ in the dating guys world until I met my husband.
So while I don’t condemn first love, only love relationships, I think it’s healthy to get out there and learn about not only what you want in relationships but about who you are in relationships.
Be sure to stop by and see what Mae has to say.
***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***
May 23rd, 2008 at 5:30 pm
I think the loss teaches us as does the love. So even if you lose the love, you gained the experience from it.
I dated the same guy in high school for over three years and was engaged to be married. He met someone else that he fell in love with and married and a year later I met the man that I eventually married.
And if I lost my husband now I would be so thankful for the time we did have together. Never would I not have wanted to experience that just because I’d experience loss from it.
Look at dogs…they have such a short life span to be with you compared to humans and you know when you get one that you’ll lose them. But look at all the love they give in the time you do have them. I wouldn’t give that up just because I know down the line I’m going to have the pain of loss. You just have to go through it and it is part of your experiences here on earth.
That’s my 2 cents:-)
May 23rd, 2008 at 8:37 pm
Interesting answer. I think most people would be in this category. Love and pain that may come from it are part and parcel of life, obviously. Thanks for joining in again. Hope to see you again next week. I always enjoy reading your answers.
May 24th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
Shannon - I understand what you’re saying. I didn’t mean to imply that we should love just to experience the loss. It’s the love that we learn from and the loss that brings what we have learned into focus. You might ignore that a SO who drinks doesn’t work for you while in the relationship, but if you lose that relationship, the lesson comes into focus.
Aud - Thank you.
I enjoy your prompts.
May 25th, 2008 at 12:17 am
I honestly think it’s better to have loved and lost. In my experience, I love with all my heart and as a result I get hurt big time. However, I can say that having those hurts have helped me tremendously with my relationship with my husband. I have learned things about myself and how to handle struggles in a relationship.
Even though looking back, the break up with my ex boyfriend was terrible, it made me grow up in a sense and realize what is really important in a relationship.
I think you have to love to the fullest and be hurt to the fullest in order to truly appreciate the gift of love.
May 28th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
Jenera - I agree. It’s not absolutely necessary, but it is good for the health of the relationship for both people to have dated and experienced relationships before.