Love Question 17
And now for this week’s question from Short Sweet Love Poems.
Usually, in the early days of a relationship or marriage, buying each other gifts especially on certain occasions is a must. We take the trouble and the time to shop for a gift to make it really special.
But as time goes on, we may still buy a gift or two but it is no longer as important as both become a little too comfortable with each other. Sometimes, people may even skip buying gifts altogether after a few years into a relationship.
So, for Love Q #17, let me pose this: Do you think buying gifts is important in a relationship? And do you expect a gift from your partner now and then?
Oh, this one should get some interesting responses.
I don’t think gift buying in a relationship is as important as simply showing you care. If you show you care by buying gifts, then so be it, but that’s not the only thing you can do. We place a lot of importance on material things these days, so it’s certainly not surprising that gift giving has been moved out of the ‘ways to show you care’ into its own category.
I definitely don’t expect gifts from my partner, except for maybe on Christmas. Otherwise, not at all. Heck, I even forgot about my birthday a couple weeks ago until my husband mentioned that he need to do some ‘by himself’ shopping.
He’s bought me things, brought home flowers, etc, but to be honest, I’m more impressed and happy when he cooks dinner or runs me a hot bath. It doesn’t cost a thing but it shows he’s thinking about me and cares.
August 22nd, 2008 at 2:05 pm
I do think gift buying is important. I love giving them just out of the blue, no special event. They don’t have to be big ticket, just things that I know what my husband likes and it will surprise him. Several times a year I pick a day and surprise him and get several gifts and wrap them and treat him real special for the night.
I like the same in return (and if I didn’t get it, his would stop). And I’m happy with little things, like pens and paper, bath stuff, hair stuff, whatever.
I like things that say I notice things about you, I know what you like, something I might have commented on and he paid attention.
To me it’s not about being materialistic. It’s about keeping life and the relationship fun and exciting. If we were having a hard time financially, the gifts would reflect that, but I’d still do something.
I personally find if a woman doesn’t expect her man to do little things like that, she usually doesn’t think she’s worth it and he’ll start treating her like she’s not.
Next comes the complaints of “my husband never…”
August 22nd, 2008 at 6:59 pm
I think women generally say that we don’t expect gifts from our partner. But on the other hand, if we don’t get gifts at all, I’m pretty sure many of us also feel a little disappointed.
August 23rd, 2008 at 7:04 am
Shannon - I don’t think it’s necessarily materialistic to give and receive gifts in a relationship. I think we, as a species, have moved towards the material side of things so it’s not surprising that material giving is more common as a form of endearment.
And I think I’m worth gifts, flowers, chocolates, etc, etc, but I don’t expect my husband to do it. I don’t feel it’s necessary, as I personally am more happy with his other gestures. It’s just a matter of personality.
Aud - I would feel disappointed if there were no gifts whatsoever - material or otherwise. However, if there are little things that keep happening, I’m a happy woman.
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:45 pm
JM, I don’t think it’s a modern thing that when a man desires a woman, he showers her with gifts. That’s been going on a long time.
I don’t think one HAS to give gifts in a relationship, but I think it’s fun and keeps things exciting.
When you are working 40+ hours a week and cost of living is so high, I think it’s important to spend some of that money on fun things for each other instead of just bills bills bills. That to me keeps you from a one way trip to Boringville.
It’s fun when your husband takes time to go out and find you a gift and wraps it and brings it home to surprise you. I don’t care if it’s just a .99 pen or a $4 bar of pretty smelling soap, it still says he was thinking of you and thought you might like that.
It’s just my personal opinion that when a woman stops expecting those things, she’s setting herself up for ho-hum relationship.
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:02 pm
No, it’s certainly not a modern thing for a man to shower a woman with gifts. However, the world is different in that the man ‘bringing home the bacon’ isn’t considered one of those gifts as often (for various reasons).
I’m not talking about stopping expecting gifts on the whole. I’m talking about, personally, I prefer the gifts that don’t cost anything. He brings me home things like a nice pen or a notepad, but those are free promotional things. My husband runs a bath for me when I’ve had a stressful day. He brings me strawberries and cream when I’m in the bath or in the bedroom reading. He cooks when I’m rushing to get work done.
And I agree that when a woman stops expecting (or never did expect) any sort of gifts - ones you buy or ones that come by action - then a woman probably doesn’t value herself and/or the relationship can get a bit boring.
I think you and I generally have the same attitude, but we’re getting caught up on gifts you buy vs. gifts that don’t cost anything. And that’s only a point I brought up because the question specifically says ‘buying’ gifts.