Love Question 14
I was wondering when the topic of money was going to come up…
From Short Sweet Love Poems…
Let’s talk about money this week, shall we?
We all know that different people have different perspectives over money. Some are pretty insecure and make it a point to try to account for every penny their partners spend. They insist on a joint account and money to be pooled together.
Then there are others who have this thinking that what is mine is mine and what is yours is yours. In other words, they maintain independent accounts although they may have an understanding of who pays for what.
There are certainly pros and cons to this issue. For instance, if you pool your money together, you are taking steps to save for the future. On the other hand, if you have separate accounts, there is not much pressure to account for money spent which may be better for the relationship as a whole.
For Love Q #14, let me pose this: Should you have a joint account with your partner? And should you keep tabs on what he or she may be spending on?
I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary in a relationship to have a joint account with your partner. I do with my partner in part because we needed ways to prove that I was really here for good in my Spousal Visa application. It’s also convenient in that our shared account is our shared expenses account – like groceries. I can pick things up, he can, or we can.
I think what is important is not to have *only* a joint account. You need to have your own personal account as well for freedom and a sense of privacy.
I don’t think you should keep tabs, but that’s a matter of trust in the relationship. My husband trusts me to pay my bills (student loan, medical) with what I earn. I trust my husband to pay our household bills with what he earns. The rest goes in our shared account, and a little bit to each of our personal accounts.
Keeping tabs is, I think, a way of saying you don’t trust the person. And if you can’t be open and honest even along the lines of, “I use about $__ a month just for comfort stuff for me” and be open for discussion, then something is wrong there.
August 1st, 2008 at 12:11 am
We’ve had a joint checking and a joint savings account for 15 years and it works for us.
I handle all the finances and just make sure that he has enough spending money in there, but any big ticket items he asks me where we are at financially and if we can swing it or not.
We rarely fight over money and I’ve never bought into the whole have to have my own account so I’m an independent woman thing. And there isn’t anything I need the privacy about.
What matters is just what works for each couple. What works for one won’t necessarily work for another because different outlooks and personalities.
August 2nd, 2008 at 3:19 am
Very true. I admit that I am biased in this sense because a friend of mine is with someone who demanded that they have ONLY a join account from the get go. Now she’s in an abusive situation with no private nest egg to aid her in leaving.
August 11th, 2008 at 4:21 am
Different couples have different arrangements and it is indeed strange when your hear of people insisting on a joint account when you don’t believe it is a necessity. My husband’s friend’s wife insist on a joint account and every month on his payday, she will transfer out a large sum into their joint account. She has all the passwords, of course. A bit too much for me personally, but it works for them.
August 12th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
I think in pretty much any issue it comes down to what works for each individual couple, but I think having separate as well as joined accounts works best.
August 14th, 2008 at 1:34 am
[...] Marriage and Divorce by JM A couple weeks ago for the Love Questions meme, Aud asked about money and relationships. Of course, as with many questions about relationships, the opinions on the subject varied from [...]