Love Languages, Part 1
Last week, JG and I attended a presentation based loosely on The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. I have not read the book, so I can’t necessarily recommend it; however, I think the principles expressed in the presentation were thought-provoking and practical.
The premise of love languages is that people have a certain way in which they most often give and prefer to receive love. In general terms, the five love languages are the following:
Words of Affirmation
- Affirmation that encompasses the spoken word (on the phone or in person) and the written word (notes or letters)
Meaningful Touch
- Comforting gestures to convey protection or affection; does not necessarily point to sex
Acts of Service
- Tangible expressions of helpfulness like housework or projects
Gifts
- Special tokens of appreciation
Quality Time
- Time spent together intentionally
Catering to your partner’s love language would be the most effective way to demonstrate love, but problems can arise when a couple does not have a common love language. In a marriage retreat where our presenter delivered a similar talk, not one of the 25 couples in attendance shared the same love language. The disconnect that occurs is similar to the confusion and mistranslation for people who actually speak different languages. For example, if a person’s love language is Acts of Service but he keeps receiving gifts, the gestures may not register as loving; he may simply feel showered with dust catchers, which is frustrating, if not hurtful.
Learning how to convey love to another person in the most effective way is a long-term challenge. I am just now starting to realize how this idea applies in my life – more on this tomorrow.
What’s your love language?
love language, couples, differences
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