Jennifer Aniston directs Room 10
Of course I’m a Jennifer Aniston fan–let’s just get that out of the way! She’s got this delectable cuteness that is impossible to clone, but we’ll all die trying, right? She appeared on Oprah this afternoon to talk about her co-directorial debut (with Andrea Buchanan) in Room 10.
Glamour Magazine sponsored a series of short films directed by women, based on the stories of their female readers. The making of these films will benefit FilmAid International. Room 10 is based on the real life story of Colleen Goldrick, R.N. and it is particularly relevant to the topics we’re talking about here because at the heart of this short film is a powerful relationship between an elderly couple, witnessed by the nurse who is caring for the sick woman.
The background to the story is that the nurse was going through a divorce of her own and the tragedy that she had seen in the emergency room, with men and women dying alone in their old age, had begun to harden her against the romantic ideas of love, growing old with someone dear to you. She thought that lifetime loves and long relationships were a myth.
Though her story differed slightly from the resulting film, the clip that they showed on Oprah today encapsulated everything that you think of when you hear the phrase “lifelong love.� Kris Kristofferson and Robin Wright Penn played the grieving husband and nurse who indulged in a conversation about the “luck� of his having lived such a beautiful love in his life. Kristofferson’s response was that it was not luck at all. Rather, luck was “a lazy man’s excuse for not doing the work…sometimes you get tired of being married…tired of the same person walking through the door…while you’re busy being tired, time is passing…I guess we just never grew tired.� These are snippets of what he said, but deserving of note. The nurse said it sounds as though there isn’t any secret to that love. And his response, very briefly in the clip I saw was that the secret was “stay in the room—she taught me that.�
Stay in the room. See it thru, no matter the argument, no matter your fear of revealing too many of your imperfections. Be real to your partner and for your partner. That nakedness of one’s soul will be seen and respected by your partner—and with any luck, mirrored. This in NO WAY means that you should stick around for abuse (verbal or physical). But in a healthy relationship, it means that you should leave your soul, your heart, and your love in the room—naked on the table—no matter the discussion. Do not pull it away because of a disagreement or a slight. Your love is separate and impenetrable. And, if it is, then you just might see the truth of your love in return. And, it just might be for a lifetime.
Exercise: In the next disagreement you have with your partner, pay attention to their needs. Repeat to yourself that despite the disagreement, you truly love this person. You truly love them. See where that thought takes you.
Resources:
The Oprah Show
Glamour Magazine, Reel Moments
Jennifer Aniston, Glamour Magazine, Room 10, relationship
October 17th, 2006 at 12:24 am
Wow! This is amazing! I wrote something about this very same thing today! I was watching Oprah and because of some recent relationship troubles, this particular movie/story struck a cord with me, as well. I know that there are a lot of things to learn in life, but what I do finally realize, is exactly what Kris Kristopherson’s character said…there is no luck, no fairytale. The fairytale our society is obsessed with is an unfair illusion. Love is work. The fairytale “moments” are there, for sure. But those are more like snapshots of our life with someone who truly makes us happy…a moment when reality suspends, almost. And if we’re smart enough, we can notice these snapshots when they happen. Life…and love…is a journey, not a destination. I guess you just have to make sure you pick the right travel buddy! Awesome blog!
October 17th, 2006 at 12:34 am
the only baggage we should bring to a table in strife with our partner is the memory of all those beautiful moments. It’s the hardest thing to do, but also the most important. Imagine instead of metaphorically crossing your arms in defiance of their opinion or their action…instead having your arms filled with everything you have ever loved about them…Try to remember even when every word sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard, that this was the man/woman who held your hand in your worst moments, hugged you when you felt most insecure…
Don’t just see the snapshots…exactly. See the album–it’s my hope that for each one of us, it’s huge. It’s compiled with all those little things, smiles, scribbles, phone calls and gestures…maybe they really add up to the long relationship and the lifetime romance that isn’t just a fairytale.
October 25th, 2006 at 4:40 pm
We should also bring a little grit so we don’t lose our own identity. It is okay to please your partner, but make sure you let him or her know your own feelings. The longer you wait or acquiesce, the harder and more painful it is.
October 27th, 2006 at 9:27 pm
[...] I’ll be the first one to honestly admit that I don’t do something every day for the man I love. It’s difficult to manage. We’re comfortable, happy—nestled in our busy lives. And, it becomes very easy to take love for granted. More important than any love note, any overt gesture is to just “stay in the room.� Be present, mindfully so, whenever your love is around. [...]
November 16th, 2006 at 12:23 am
[...] My husband and I both agree: “We got way better than we deserve.� Sometimes, it’s that humility that carries us through the rough times. Sometimes, it’s just staying in the room. Either way, we certainly have a large part of life and family left to create. But, we’re looking forward to the work of the journey. [...]