“Have a Good Vacation, Honey”
A recent article at the Montreal Gazette discussed a growing trend among Canadian couples of taking separate vacations. In the interests of scheduling and varied tastes, these excursions allow for individual recreation.
With more women than ever in high-paying jobs, partners can often afford more than one vacation a year - but they can’t always get time off together, said Montreal marketing professor Robert Soroka.
They might also have widely divergent ideas of what’s fun. “Chilling out might mean skiing for one partner and scuba diving for the other,” said Soroka, who teaches at McGill University and at Dawson College.
These solo holidays do not, and should not, replace vacations with partners or family, proponents are quick to say.
In addition, outside vacations are helpful in nurturing other relationships, like friendships or extended family.
And travelling without one’s partner is an opportunity to nurture other important relationships, say advocates. “I love my husband, but I treasure my girlfriends,” said Natalie Lang.
The 38-year-old Montreal mother of two has travelled with these girlfriends to such destinations as Paris and Las Vegas, Maine and New York City. Three girlfriends live in Toronto, and her time visiting them is a riot of dinner parties, shopping, hanging out and great fun.
“We all feel the same way,” said Natalie, who runs a nanny and caregiver placement service. “We like going on trips with our families, but it’s a totally different thing with girlfriends.”
Although the idea might seem odd at first glance - some even questioned partners’ fidelity during these trips - I’m glad that traveling with other groups is a growing trend. Why not? It’s not a matter of lack of commitment; I think it’s unrealistic to think that we could always enjoy everything with the same degree of fervor all the time. JG is my best friend, for sure, but he doesn’t appreciate the ballet or art museums with me. I want to spend time with him, but dragging him along to what I’d enjoy only to have him be miserable is just not worth it. I’ve started to plan a long weekend to visit my sister when JG is off at a volleyball camp for the teach he coaches. He’ll spend the weekend running around and coaching while my sister and I go shopping and take in new exhibits in the DC area. The alternative is that one of us is just tolerant of the other’s activity, which doesn’t seem like a fair trade to me.
couples, separate vacations, time apart
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April 4th, 2007 at 10:29 am
Hi RA!
I agree that there’s nothing wrong with couples taking separate vacations or doing things apart, but it’s tricky when one part of the couple has more friends/family to hang out with than the other because then this person ends up feeling guilty if s/he leaves her partner to go have a good time.
My friend is in this situation and he hasn’t yet hit upon a good way to handle it (encouraging her to get out more and make friends isn’t helping so much, and telling him not to feel guilty doesn’t seem to work either. I should send him the link to your blog!).
April 4th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
Occasionally, there is nothing wrong with holidaying seperately, but if done too much, I think it could set a precedent that then carries on throughout the relationship.
The longer you are with someone, the more your interests and idea of a good time seems to drift different ways, it’s about communication and being happy to compromise to find a solution.
April 4th, 2007 at 2:39 pm
Jummy - Hi! You have a great point about “unequal” proportions of friends/family. JG and I kind of deal with this because his family is so much larger than mine; the end result is usually that I just go with the flow and ride the wave of family time. What can you do. But, sure, send along the link!
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Dave - I think you’re right that separate vacations could set a poor precedent and I would hope that people could find a happy medium between satisfying individual preferences and essential time together. Good points, both!