Long Relationships

Yesterday I touched on today’s lack of definitive roles for males and females and the push towards the asexual society. I finished up the post by saying: I’m not saying, “Whahoo! Let’s go back to the days of the past when ‘proper’ ladies wore skirts and all men were the breadwinners.�

The unfortunate thing about calling sillybuggers on the current way we’re heading is you are accused of wanting to go back to suppressing women. “Keep ‘em pregnant, barefoot, and in the kitchen.�

You’re accused of being old fashioned if you practice it, you’re accused of sexism as well as other things if you point out the way we’re heading, and things only tend to get more confused.

So what are we supposed to do with all this confusion?

A way to begin looking at conflicts and start solving them is looking at the parents of both partners.

How did your parents treat each other? How did your partner’s parents treat each other? By investigating the ways the two differ, you can begin to get a glimpse of what could be causing conflict and/or confusion in your relationship.

For a personal example, I grew up in a household where my mother made the rules and my father was the punishment giver who didn’t say much. However, the chores were eventually forgotten and the lines became blurry.

Then soon after I graduated high school, my parents found a church I’m choosing not to name. My mother turned into a submissive wife and my father turned into the dominant force in the house. While they were figuring out their new roles and trying to impose new ideals on me, I was internally conflicted. I felt as if they were betraying the roles and values they’d taught me growing up.

When I moved in with my husband, I was a very confused person in terms of our roles in the relationship. Thankfully, my husband understood my confusion and was encouraging as I worked out exactly who I wanted to be. We often compared the traits of our parents’ relationships and talked about how we felt about the roles we would take over.

By talking, comparing, and talking some more, we’ve avoided a lot of conflict and confusion. Yes, there are a few annoyances here and there, but they’re a lot fewer and less annoying than they could be.