Long Relationships

Exes.

Love ‘em, hate ‘em, periodically burn pictures of them… Exes undoubtedly shape who we are and who we date.

One of my first boyfriends taught me I needed a man who at least matched my intelligence. Another taught me that I need control in setting how fast physical things happen – even holding hands or kissing.

That’s right – use them and then throw them away.

Kidding! However, sometimes we do keep more than just memories from our exes. The question is…

Is it wrong to keep ex memorabilia? Old love letters? Mix CDs/tapes? Stuffed animals?

This can be a tough question depending on the ex-relationship as well as the object in question. Because of this, there aren’t really any hard rules for what’s okay/not okay to keep. If you’re wondering, though, there are a few common sense things that will help you figure out if it’s okay to keep it or chuck it.

Think about the relationship. Was it the relationship before your current one? Time is a big factor. If you have a locket from your crush when you were five, that’s not a big deal. If you’ve broken up with someone three months ago and still have his/her underthings in your laundry, that could be a problem.

Also think about how serious the relationship was. A fun three week relationship is a lot different than engaged to be married. Don’t even think about trying to play down how deep the relationship was either. Be honest and think about things.

Think about the object. My husband has a pen that has ‘Love, Antoinette’ engraved on it. I don’t think a pen is a big deal because it’s useful. (Plus, he never actually went out with the women.)

My husband also had all his old love letters. Maybe it’s because I’m a Leo or because I feel possessive of my husband, but I didn’t like the love letters. If he wanted to keep them, I was fully willing to talk about it and keep the letters. He knew I didn’t like them, though, and was willing to give them up.

Flexibility is key, but if you’re keeping a naughty video of your first time with your ex, you should probably think about getting rid of it.

And most importantly:

Think about your partner. Your partner’s comfort (in compromising with you, too) is very important to you. Maybe you think old love letters are fun to read back over, but this could translate as you still having ‘a little something’ for the person who wrote the letter to your partner. Be sure things are okay with your partner.