Long Relationships

Hello and happy Friday everyone! Today I have a special guest here on Long Relationships. Author Edythe Denkin is here to talk about her book Relationship Magic: The Secret to Happily Ever After. I hope you’ll join me in welcoming her to the site.

Relationship Magic
By Edythe Denkin

I wrote “Relationship Magic�? for the purpose of reaching deeply inside of as many people as possible to show them how they can make their marriage fuller and happier; also to show that divorce can be prevented, especially if people can be reached at the first signs of stress. They too can learn how love can come back in a more meaningful and secure way.

It wasn’t until my husband and I studied with Harville Hendricks that our relationship evolved in the deeper way I had always dreamed it would be, and I wanted to pass that gift on to as many people as possible. When I decided to write this book, my dilemma was how to reach people in a profound way that would make a lasting difference in their lives.

As a practicing Imago Relationship Therapist, I was so very glad that this work made a difference in so many people’s lives. But the most frustrating part was twofold:

1. Most people came into my office blaming the other, and one usually saying, “People like me! I get along with everyone! It is only my wife (husband) who doesn’t understand me. I don’t argue with any of the other people I know.”

2. And, couples would say, “Dialoguing just takes too long. Why can’t we tell each other how we feel without having to mirror, summarize, and empathize by putting ourselves in the other’s shoes?”

Although I found many different and creative ways to answer these questions, they did not always help. Even when couples found dialoguing beneficial in my office, I found that after the couple left they did not take the time to dialogue themselves.

I knew from my days as a teacher that people often learn new things more easily when they hear the concepts in a story. Stories can often present difficult concepts in a way that does not threaten people.

I wrote “Relationship Magic�? because I knew I could give people a simple outline for improving their marriage. I knew the principles in this book could really work and would be best presented as a fictional story. By reading about another couple, readers can see how certain behaviors affect the characters and relate without feeling accused.

I wanted to help as many people as possible and I wanted to show the reader that they were not alone. That all relationships go through developmental stages and changes. Just as children go from one stage to the next, a relationship will also. I wanted this book to help couples identify the stages and to know that they were no different from any other couple.

I wrote this book as a fairy tale because I thought it would be easier for people to digest. I knew they could get into the story and they would not feel self conscious or accused. It would free them up to talk about their own marriage or relationship with out embarrassment or feeling cornered. It has been working. Readers no longer feel like they are the “only ones�?.