Long Relationships

Last week, R said, “I’m actually a little jealous of M (his ex) because she gets to see you looking so spectacular!” Hmm, does that mean that the Chanel perfume is covered up with Ode de Baby Drool and Diaper Duty by the time he gets home? Perhaps…

With four little ones running around (and over top of) me, it’s hard to stay in that perfectly styled freshness of the morning. In fact, I’m not sure that I can even step foot out of the bathroom before the friz sets in and I’ve already rubbed my eyes once, smearing mascara down my face. By the time I, Raccoon Princess, nestle down on the floor to play Lincoln Logs, my shirt is already wet from the open-mouth kisses that Bub gives me on my shoulders. His slimy grip handprints are all over my collar and sleeve.

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When Raccoon Princess meanders out of her hovel and downstairs to make breakfast for the brood, the coffee has not yet set in and the shoulders are still slumped. Eventually, the upright stance of the rest of her species will manifest itself. And, she will resemble an older, slower member of her clan. She struggles to engage in adult conversation when the opportunity presents itself. Wiping noses and bottoms, chins and tears takes up more than a fair bit of concentration.

By 4pm, she has donned an apron to begin cooking dinner. The apron is really useless at this point, except to save the food she’s preparing from any crumbs, drool, or other foreign objects that are already clinging to her clothes.

Dinner is ready, the kids are well-rested and played, and Raccoon Princess looks like she just got mawled by a mountain lion. But, never fear, the mountain lion did not spill RP’s glass of wine, which is the only ounce of civility on her person. And, if she isn’t careful, the next time the dump truck plows through the kitchen, she’s likely to be wearing that, too.

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So, here are the tried and true things that can be done to keep looking human, civilized, and (dare I say) downright sexy by the time the Mr. gets home.

1. Plan a moment in the late afternoon for yourself.
2. Use this time to refresh your appearance, aroma, and attire. I’m not saying go all Lucille Ball with dinner dress, apron, new do, and heels–but, take off the sweats, ok? Put on even jeans and a cute top. Something without baby drool and dried banana that was thrown during lunch!
3. Brush your hair. If you cannot remove the dried banana (mentioned above) from your hair, then for god’s sake, pull your hair back.
4. Either wash your face or quickly clean up and reapply makeup as needed. Don’t go all out. Just irradicate Raccoon Princess’ existance for the afternoon.
5. follow your little ones’ example. Brush your teeth and wash your hands.

These tiny little things go a long way in making you feel better about yourself, which also makes you feel sexier with your partner. Now, if I could only stop falling asleep so damn early!

Good night.

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baby drool, diaper changing, relationships, stay at home mom, children, marriage, long relationships