Dealing with Judgmental People
Perhaps you met online. Got married ‘quickly’. Perhaps you both have different religious beliefs. Maybe you’re one half of an interracial relationship. Or maybe, your ages are just a little too far apart for people not to talk about you.
No matter what it is, big or small, you’re likely to face someone saying something about your relationship. People tend to judge, especially if someone is going against what they feel is ‘proper and right’. The key to a long relationship is not only not letting these judgments get to you but also talking about how they make you feel.
The thing about people judging you is that if you get told something often enough, you start to believe it. It’s happened to many people, including myself. If you have someone in your life continuously telling you your partner’s beliefs are wrong or that you and your partner are just too different to each other and you don’t talk about how it makes you feel with your partner (and that person) then you’ll end up internalizing it, possibly putting your relationship in crisis.
This isn’t to say everyone who has something negative to say about your relationship has no idea what they are talking about, but there is a point at which comments of concerns turn into being hurtful and not at all constructive.
By talking to the person or people who is/are making the comments, you’re being honest about how you feel as well as establishing boundaries. No one has the right to make you feel bad and this life shouldn’t be wasted on people who are negative influences.
Talking about it with your partner can not only help you maintain a level of openness and honest with your partner, but perhaps your partner has heard those comments as well. Not talking about the things that bother you can drive a wedge between you and your partner. Why not share the burden and talk about possible solutions?
The bottom is there are a lot of people out there who like to go on about negative things and not even your relationship is sacred. The sooner you address those people and those issues, the faster you can move on with your lives. Use this as a way to strengthen your relationship, not chip away at it.
March 12th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
When my husband and I got together several people made the comment that we’d never last, because we were so different. Now 14 years later we get comments that people can’t imagine us ever splitting up.
And any time we do have to deal with the negative people, it does bring us closer. I couldn’t agree with you more about not wasting time on people that are negative influences (unless someone is living out of a crack house and your boyfriend is a dealer and people are saying that isn’t good for you lol, then you might want to pay attention).
Learning to stay solid together when the world wants to chip away at you is one of the most important things I think there is to learn to do as a couple.
March 14th, 2008 at 12:43 am
Oh man, I feel like I could have written this one.
Not only did my hubby and I meet online, we got married just a mere 9 days after seeing each face to face for the first time, and to top it all off, he was fresh out of prison with a serious rap sheet. Oh yes, imagine all the lovely things said about me.
Now almost four years later, and one son, I just laugh in their faces. Instead of looking at the man he is, they looked at his past and the man he used to be. They never looked at how happy he made, how he essentially saved me from myself, and how Aidan and I are his world.
I didn’t do too much defending because I felt that I didn’t need to. If they didn’t like him, tough luck on their part. If they could not trust my judgement, screw ‘em.
My mom and step dad were the only two people that trusted me, and Daniel, and have always accepted him from day one. To the rest of ‘em, I could care less. Some have come around but some haven’t and they just don’t matter to me.
March 14th, 2008 at 1:01 am
Sometimes there are people in our lives we can never make happy. Other times, people just need something to gossip about.
I have a feeling plenty of people have gone through judgments because people weren’t quite happy with their relationships. Those relationships holding on is a big testament to the strength of the love between the people.
As I’ve said to many people - if we’re in love, what does the rest matter?
April 16th, 2008 at 8:11 am
We’re an interracial family and if anyone has a problem with that I don’t consider them worth my time. I had one doctor who commented before we married, “You have to watch out for them. They might have another wife hiding in the closet.”
April 16th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
I am shocked! How dare he say something like that to you. I’m sorry that happened to you, but I’m glad you don’t consider people who say such things worth your time.