Long Relationships

In her blog at iVillage.com, Gail Saltz, M.D., comments on spousal competition and offers advice to those who may be handling this issue in their relationships.

Dr. Saltz, a regular contributor on the Today show on topics including mental health, sex, and relationships, provides context to how competition can arise in any marriage:

Ideally, one would believe that spouses don’t compete, that they are a team. In a perfect world your spouse wants what is best for you and for you to be your best. But competitive drive does not stop just because you love someone and are on his or her team. Spouses do compete, they just are not always aware of it in themselves and in each other.

Dr. Saltz claims that competition can take place in any situation, such as bedroom performance, affection of friends or family, or career growth. She explains that “this kind of competition has to do with normal drives and a little insecurity. The greater the insecurity about your own abilities, the more likely you will feel competitive.”

Her bottom line in marital competition, as with so many other issues, is to keep the lines of communication open:

Competition is normal as long as you can keep it in perspective and avoid real anger, resentment and taking it out on your spouse. Instead talk about your feelings and be supportive and reassuring to each other. Point out your spouse’s real strengths and help them to be the best they can be. If you bring out the best in each other your marriage will thrive.

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marriage, competition, Gail Saltz

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