Long Relationships

**Each week, I’d like to mention the post of a few readers to bring the discussion back to what we’re ALL thinking…not just what I’m thinking**

A great comment this morning by Charvaka—“…communication is not just “active�? listening, but also getting rid of any pre-conceived notions while hearing. A simple statement like “Honey, I bought this for you!�? can mean to the other person, “So you are saying that I’m drain on our finances?�? especially when the going is not so good. Getting rid of our own prejudices in our mind while listening to and or talking to our partners is a very important part of communication.�?

You’re absolutely right. You can’t listen, all the while thinking to yourself, “When is she going to get done rambling…�? Or, “I hope we wrap this up quickly because I need to make dinner.�? Or, “I can’t believe she would be so thoughtless!�?

It harkens back to something that Jon Kabat-Zinn talks about quite often—mindfulness. Mindfulness is a term often used in Buddhist ideology. Mindfulness is the practice of continual consciousness of one’s thoughts and actions in the present moment—and achieving that consciousness non-judgmentally. Mindfulness meditation is a technique used to manage stress and illness. It’s a practice that can also be used outside of a meditative state, when dealing with others. Kabat-Zinn’s book, Everyday Blessings talks extensively about practicing mindfulness in parenting. The same precept can apply to listening to your partner.

Practice listening to your partner without any other goal than to truly hear what they are saying. Remove any preconceived idea or bias about what they are speaking about. Listen to them with an open heart and mind. If you can remove your own emotion and feelings when listening, you will be able to more completely understand theirs. That same mindfulness works in return, when you speak to your partner, allowing you to acknowledge your feelings consciously, and hopefully communicate them more pragmatically and constructively to your partner.

communication, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Mindfulness, Buddhist, Everyday Blessings