Chivalry, Courtesy, and Everything In Between
Last week, Aud asked in love question five: “Do you think a man should pay on the first date and if he doesn’t, what would be your impression of him?�
Shannon commented that she would expect the guy to pay and that she’s a little ‘old fashioned’ in that way.
That got me thinking.
When did we, as women, start thinking – and even feeling guilty about it – that basic common courtesy from men in terms of opening a door and helping with bags is a bad thing? When did we become ‘old fashioned’ if we expected a guy to pay on the date?
When did chivalry and courtesy become such an issue between men and women?
Admittedly, men don’t have it easy. I know guys who have been snapped at by women who don’t even want a man helping them with their bags. It’s no wonder many of them have stopped even if it’s their natural urge to help someone.
In my opinion, if I need help and a man offers it, I’ll be grateful. Yes, I expect my husband to open the door for me if we’re walking into a building at the same time. Yes, I expect my husband to carry the heavier grocery bags and even open cans and jars when I can’t.
Is it wrong for me to expect that? I don’t think so. I think it would be wrong if I expected every single male, no matter what they are doing, to open the door or help me with something. But I don’t think it’s wrong to expect help or courtesy – from other men or women.
It’s a tough issue, that’s for sure. What’s chivalry? What’s courtesy? When does expectation go too far?
***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:08 am
Great discussion topic. When I hear a woman say “I can open the door myself” with a snotty look on her face, I just shake my head and wonder what her point is. To me, when a guy opens a door for you, it’s being a gentleman…an act of chivalry. Yes women CAN do for themselves, but why make such an issue out of every little thing and guys just trying to be courteous? I like when a guy opens a door for me, opens a jar with a tight lid, carries the heavy things, etc like you mentioned. It makes me feel like a woman and I appreciate that he’s making the effort to treat me as such.
When I am in public and I see an elderly woman going to a door, I go first and open it for her.
Some things are just courteous. And I think it is sad that it’s become outdated in some places to do those things.
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Sometimes, we just read too much into things and make our right or wrong conclusions. IF a man wants to open the door for me, that’s great. If he doesn’t, it’s ok as well. I don’t expect it but when it happens, I just say thanks. Simple courtesy, I guess.
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:46 pm
This is an issue I feel doesn’t have a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ answer. It’s a shame we live in times where things as simple as chivalry and courtesy are brought under the microscope so much.
June 3rd, 2008 at 1:00 am
With my hubby, there are a few things I expect him to do because he’s a boy but it is more about balance in our lives. I don’t expect him to open doors (car or otherwise) or other classically chivalrous things. When he does little things I just melt because he’s such a tough guy that it’s cute to see.
I definitely don’t expect anything out of other men either though when it happens, I make sure to say thank you and offer a smile.
For me, my biggest thing is when I have the stroller at the mall and I’m struggling to open the door with one hand while pushing it in at the same time. When a man (or woman for that matter) takes a moment to help me out, I am extremely grateful.
It’s funny that when younger men do little acts of chivalry I find it much more ‘meaningful’ because the majority of little punks I come across would slam a door in your face and laugh before helping you.
Basically I don’t expect much either way and I’ll take what I get.
June 5th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
I have helped open doors, carry things, etc etc for people, and it’s like they think I’m from a different planet. It’s nice to be appreciated, but it’s also sad that some people are so shocked at common courtesy these days.