Long Relationships

Internet dating is a bit different in terms of manners and appropriate behavior. You still want to be kind and courteous, of course, but there are a few more rules that aren’t necessarily the same as in the “real world.”

For example:

Write to the People That Interest You, and Even a Few Who Don’t

• It may seem odd to say that you should write to a few people you aren’t wild about, but here’s the thing: Just because a person’s profile doesn’t reach out and grab you doesn’t mean you won’t become attracted to him or her once you meet in person. Not everyone can articulate themselves as well as you might be able to in a profile. So even if they sound boring in their profile, they may be the life of the party in person.

• Continue writing to people even if you haven’t heard back from daters you’ve emailed. The reality is some people just will not respond back to you.

• In order to keep a steady stream of responses coming in to your inbox, make sure you continually send out emails to new people.

• Along those same lines, it’s okay to meet people for coffee at the same time you are emailing other people.

• It’s even okay to go out with a few people at the same time, if you keep your dates platonic and casual. The minute you want to kick things up a notch (which is a subtle way of having a sleep over) you should have a talk with your partner about seeing each other exclusively. Never assume your partner is seeing only you unless you talk to them about it.

It’s Okay To Ignore Emails

• This just seems to go against all the rules of etiquette, doesn’t it? But it’s true. If someone emails you and they don’t interest you in any way, shape, or form, it’s okay to just hit delete and not give it a second thought.

• I know a lot of online daters that try and come up with a kind response to tell someone they aren’t interested. But the reality is it’s kinder to simply ignore the email than it is to send a response that says, “Sorry, not interested.”

Email Is An Acceptable Form of Communication to Tell Someone You’ve Met for Coffee That It Isn’t Going to Work

• If you’ve only met someone for a coffee date, it’s okay to leave the date after an hour (like any good coffee date should last), return home, and send off an email to the person saying you’re not interested. (Although you should try and at least wait a day to let them down.)

• You don’t need to phone them or see them again in person to tell them a relationship just isn’t going to happen.

• Let me remind you: The purpose of going out on a coffee date is to determine if you like someone enough to see them again for a regular first date. Since you aren’t seeing them in the traditional sense, and up until the coffee date you’ve used email as your primary communication, it is perfectly acceptable to email them after a coffee date and say, “I really enjoyed meeting you. But I don’t believe we have that much in common. I think you’re a terrific person and I hope you find your match.”

• After this email, do not correspond with them again. There is nothing worse than being dumped over email and then getting a message that says, “Hi, do you want to be friends?”

• You don’t get to be friends with someone you’ve just met for coffee and then dumped. Just move on. (It’s better for both of you.)