Long Relationships

Okay, so this is a little late for Valentines Day (such things should be listed a few days before so one can actually, you know, PLAN) but you certainly don’t need a particular day to treat your partner to something nice.

Plus, I know there are plenty of people out there who are separated from the ones they love, so store this away for a rainy day.

Happy Valentines Day Thursday Thirteen!

1. Roses and chocolates. Sometimes classics are best.
2. Jewelry. I’m not very keen on this personally, but maybe…
3. Bubble bath with candles! Yum. You can’t beat that.
4. Chocolate body paint. (Be careful. Some of the stuff is a lot thicker than it seems so it might take a while to get it off… Pleasure turns boring…)
5. Favourite show marathon! My hubby and I have been having mini Dr. Who marathons and it has been great. I love cuddling up on the couch with him.
6. A picnic! Yes, romantic dinners in restaurants are nice, but something made by hand is so special.
7. Treasure hunt! Have your partner hunt around the house for little notes and presents that will ultimately lead him/her to the big present.
8. Movie night. Like the marathon night, a movie night is also excellent.
9. Blast from the past. Pick something you used to do - rollerskating, night clubbing - and go do it.
10. Write a love letter. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s so sweet.
11. Cook. Like with the picnic, there is nothing like something homemade.
12. Bring beer. Show up naked. Go for it.
13. Send the kids to the grandparents. Even if you don’t go anywhere, get in some couple time.

Check out my other Thursday Thirteens at Fiction Scribe, Write Anyway, and The Book Stacks

This week I have been talking about dieting while you’re part of a couple. Whether you and your partner are both dieting or only one of you is, dieting is rarely easy.

Things can be made even harder if you aren’t very understanding or considerate of your partner’s diet or you’re on the other end and have a partner who doesn’t quite get it. Either way, here is a quick list just in case any minds need a little refreshing…

1. DO - Ask your partner how things are going. Don’t push for specific details if your partner is unwilling, but do try to check in.
2. DON’T - Forget your partner is on a diet. Forgetting leads to a lot of bad, avoidable things.
3. DO - Encourage your partner to buy healthier foods when you’re out shopping.
4. DON’T - Buy a bunch of junk food for yourself and tell your partner s/he’s not allowed to have any.
5. DO - Comment about improvements in your partner’s appearance.
6. DON’T - Make fake comments. If you ask if s/he has lost ten pounds and s/he has gained five, s/he won’t trust your comments in the future.
7. DO - Encourage your partner to start a diet diary or blog.
8. DON’T - Read the diary/blog without your partner’s permission.
9. DO - Change your own little habits to help your partner.
10. DON’T - Tell your partner what s/he can and can’t do and then go and do it yourself.
11. DO - Find your own ways to encourage your partner. Weight banks ($1 per pound so there’s new clothes money at the end) or your own list of rewards you’ll surprise your spouse with at certain goals.
12. DON’T - Ignore what your partner is trying to do.
13. DO - Expect a bit of grumbling and complaining. It’s only natural.

Check out my other Thursday Thirteens at Fiction Scribe, Write Anyway, and The Book Stacks

Hello everyone!

This Thursday Thirteen is a little late and I do apologize for that. I’m putting up a Thursday Thirteen that I encourage you to do either on your blog or just on a piece of paper that you can save. I’m hoping this list will be something you can go back to look at when you’re feeling particularly peeved at your partner.

I’m listing things about my partner, and I would like you to list thirteen things you love about your partner. As I said, this is something I’d like you to save and look at when times aren’t quite so pristine in your relationship.

Enjoy!

1. He’s a fabulous cook.
2. He doesn’t let me get focused on feeling sorry for myself.
3. He encourages me to do whatever my heart desires in regards to my career.
4. He encourages me to be the best I can.
5. He doesn’t fault me for my weaknesses.
6. He takes all my mood swings very well.
7. He never, ever yells at me.
8. We can laugh together often.
9. I can always go to him when I need to talk about something, and he’ll offer feedback.
10. Sometimes he simply doesn’t understand me, but he loves me anyway.
11. He thinks before he acts.
12. He gives me my space.
13. He loves cuddles and ‘us’ time.

Check out my other Thursday Thirteens at Fiction Scribe, Write Anyway, and The Book Stacks

Hello everyone!

For this round of Thursday Thirteen, I would like to get to know you, the readers. I would like to know where you’re coming from just to get to know you and so I get an idea of things you would like to read about on this site.

Feel free to answer any or all of the questions in the comments section or use your answers to these questions for your own Thursday Thirteen.

If you opt for the latter, please leave a link in the comments section letting me know you’ve done so.

1. Single, dating, married, common law marriage…?
2. If not single, how long have you been with your partner?
3. How did you meet?
4. If you could change one thing about your relationship, what would it be?
5. If you could guarantee one thing about your relationship would never change, what would it be?
6. What is the thing you love the most about your partner?
7. Your partner’s worst habit?
8. What is your most common relationship trip-up? (What most often leads to conflict?)
9. Have you ever/would you ever go to relationship counseling?
10. Do you have any children?
11. What is your biggest relationship concern?
12. What are your relationship-related plans for the future?
13. What is the most romantic thing your partner has ever done?

Check out my other Thursday Thirteens at Fiction Scribe, Write Anyway, and The Book Stacks

1. Family background - traditions, etc. Does your other think it’s the wo/man’s responsibility to ____?
2. Religion - What church will you go to? Will you go to church?
3. Work - What are both of your career plans? Do they mesh?
4. Roles - Will s/he take out the garbage? Will you do the dishes? Do you take turns vacuuming?
5. Food - Not usually a high priority, but it could be important. A take-away addict and a vegan obsessive might not mix.
6. Children - Anti-baby maker or mom in waiting? You’d better talk about it.
7. Leisure Time - If s/he insists on six out of seven nights being ‘alone time’ then there might be a problem…
8. FINANCES - Have shared accounts, but also keep individual accounts. That’s all I have to say.
9. Moving in Together - What will he keep? What will you give away?
10. Pets - Does she love cats but you’re allergic? That may cause a problem.
11. Sweet little lies - Think about all the white lies you’ve told. It’s time to come clean.
12. SEX - If s/he only likes to do it on Mondays when it’s raining and you like to get afternoon delight four times a week, there might be a problem.
13. The Wedding - Last but not least, do you want quiet and small? Big with lots of traditions?

Check out my other Thursday Thirteens at Fiction Scribe, Write Anyway, and The Book Stacks

Hello everyone! Welcome to this week’s Thursday Thirteen.

I’ll admit it - this week I’m going for an easy list because I’m just back into working and have been working since I woke up. I’m a bit tired from working non-stop and I honestly can’t think of another list idea. Forgive me if it’s boring!

Bolded are the things I received from my hubby and regular font are the things I gave to him.

1. Pens!
2. The Eagles new CD
3. Highlighters
4. A new embroidered pillow
5. The Fantasy Writer’s Reference Guide
6. Fleet of Worlds by Larry Niven
7. An organizer with four drawers that fits on my desk
8. Ringworld’s Children by Larry Niven
9. The Writer’s Guide to Fiction Magazine
10. Chili chocolate
11. A wonderful card
12. A bottle of his favourite scotch
13. The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

There were other things, but I’m limited to thirteen.

What did you give/receive for Christmas?

Check out my other Thursday Thirteens at Fiction Scribe, Write Anyway, and The Book Stacks

1. I need someone who is patient.
2. I need someone who is creative.
3. I need someone who can hold a good, intelligent conversation.
4. I need a lot of physical contact. Holding hands, kissing, cuddling, etc. Physical contact is important to me.
5. That being said, I need to be in control of the level of physical contact. How fast things progress sort of thing.
6. I need someone who encourages me.
7. I need my independence! Individual activities are a plus.
8. That being said, a few things we do together are very good things as well.
9. I need someone who is comfortable giving and accepting love. This includes saying I love you in public, holding hands, receiving presents, etc.
10. I need someone who can teach me things.
11. I need someone I can teach things to.
12. A good sense of humour is a must. Laughing and laughter has always been a huge part of my life and I want it to continue to be so.
13. I need someone I can be afraid around. I need to be able to show weakness, be afraid, and cry. I don’t want to always have to be the strong one.

As you can see, I’m a very difficult woman. Luckily, I found someone who fits all of the above and more.

Check out my other Thursday Thirteens on Fiction Scribe, The Book Stacks, and Write Anyway

When push comes to shove in my love, one of the things I know I can count on is my husband’s support. It’s an amazing knowledge that I’ve never had in my life before and am immensely grateful for. Knowing he’s always there to support me through everything is one of the reasons I know we’re in this for the rest of our lives.

Because he’s so wonderful to me, I enjoy doing nice things for him. Just because gifts are some of the best because they’re unasked for and unexpected. They come from your heart. They’re also my favourite presents to give.

I hope you’ll enjoy showing the one you love how much you love him/her.

1. His/her favourite candy bar.
2. His/her favourite food.
3. A new pair of slippers.
4. Massage.
5. A home cooked meal.
6. Homemade “coupon book�? for things like a free hug, free night at the pub, free massage…
7. An e-card.
8. Chocolate body paint.
9. A movie night filled with his/her favourite movies.
10. Movie tickets.
11. Little things the s/he wants/needs but won’t buy for him/herself.
12. For the tech-people: Buy his/her name.com domain name for him/her.
13. Have something s/he will enjoy delivered to him/her at work.

Check out my other Thursday Thirteens at The Book Stacks, Fiction Scribe, and Write Anyway

Talking about sex can be hard, but it can also be fun. If your partner is refusing sex, maybe it’s not so much talking that needs to be done as generating ideas for new play. Here to help you along to figuring out how to begin the conversation is…

1. No matter which method you use, talk about sex using “I” statements. Saying ‘you’ makes the other person feel defensive.
2. Try introducing something new into your lovemaking. A little bottle of chocolate body paint could be fun. perhaps a blindfold might be fun as well. Start small. Then talk about if it worked or not.
3. Try a new position. Sick of the missionary? Find a position which will be easy for you to introduce and do it. You can then talk about what worked/didn’t work about it.
4. Lingerie. This might be portrayed in the movies/on television as the last ditch effort, but it most certainly is not. A little slinky something or other (you don’t have to pay a fortune if you don’t want) can be just the new thing to get your partner interested. From then on you can slowly start talking about other things that your partner might like.
5. Costumes. This is kind of the same as lingerie, but a bit more interesting. It can also help you with a discussion opener. “I thought it would be fun to try a costume, and I was wondering if you had any interests…”
6. A hot bath beforehand. Maybe the reason behind everything is that your partner is stressed. A hot bath says you’re thinking of your partner and opens the path to talking about stresses that could be stopping your lovemaking. Not too hot. Warm is the temperature to help your partner relax and more easily become aroused.
7. Do something for your partner. This goes along the lines of the hot bath. Seeing you doing something that’s normally your partner’s responsibility can be one of the sexiest things ever. It might not work all the way to the bedroom, but even if it doesn’t it will still be greatly appreciated.
8. Buy a sex book. The often-illustrated sex books can be your key to opening the doors of discussion about sex as well as finding new avenues to explore.
9. Declare naked time. It will likely be hard at first - especially for people who are insecure about their bodies, but naked time can be the most freeing, comfortable time you’ll ever discover. It might also help you raise each others’ confidence about your bodies.
10. Food. Food, food, food. Try something new or fun. It can be the beginning of a great romp and/or a great conversation. “No, I don’t really like the whipped cream, but I would like…” See what I’m getting at?
11. Bring home some porn. Yep, good old fashioned porn. Maybe it’ll only go so far as helping get you in the mood, but it might give you both some ideas as well.
12. Read a romance novel. Reading a romance novel - or even skimming one - can give you an excuse to break the ice in the sex talk. “I was reading this book and was wondering…”
13. If all else fails, gather your courage and ask your partner to talk. It might be hard, but if it’s between you feeling a little bit embarrassed and your relationship possibly failing, what is it going to be?

Good luck! And good fun as well.

Check out my other Thursday Thirteens on Write Anyway, The Book Stacks, and Fiction Scribe

These might seem like simple things, but they could be the difference in keeping you protected. (I know this week is about stalking, but some things are important and apply to multiple situations.)

1. Be careful about giving out information. Where you live or even where your parents live could be just the piece of information someone needs to start haunting you.
2. Check your email signature. Are you giving away more information than you need to? Emails can be forwarded, so you never know who might be receiving what’s written in your email signature.
3. Check your forum signatures. Forum signatures can be even more dangerous than email signatures. Most forums are completely public domain, meaning anyone who happens to see one of your posts could get your information.
4. Profiles. Forums, other social sites, blog profiles… There are probably more people looking at them than you would ever dream of, so be safe and limit what you put on there.
5. Google yourself. Googling your own name isn’t just for people with big egos. Checking what’s ‘out there’ about you can keep you up to date on what other people are seeing - and what they can find by digging.
6. Don’t mistake ‘proof’ of identity as ‘proof’. People can fake just about anything these days, so don’t accept anything unless you know for absolute sure. ‘Oh, but I talked to him and his sister on yahoo at the same time. They have to be different people.’ No, they don’t. There is a program out there to run multiple yahoo (and others) messengers at once.
7. Be wary of meeting offline. Remember what you should have already learned. Meet in a public place with a lot of people. Have an emergency plan. Have someone with you or watching you if possible.
8. Take advantage of security measures. A lot of sites use and offer security programs to help keep you and your information safe. Take advantage!
9. DON’T be lured by silly emails. You may laugh, but some are more complex than others. Don’t be lured by ‘lottery winnings’ or by emails that say they are from places you are signed up with. Big sites like PayPal and others will never send you an email without asking or letting you know on site.
10. Keep an eye on your account activity. Pay attention. This might be your first (if not only) clue that someone is messing with your account.
11. Keep an unlisted phone number. Yes, people find ways around ‘unlisted’ phone numbers, but it is one hurdle to stop people.
12. Keep your mobile preprogrammed with emergency numbers. This is good advice for anyone.
13. Remember: Anyone can easily create an entirely different person to be online. Don’t think just because you wouldn’t do something to others that someone won’t do it to you.

Check out my other Thursday Thirteens on Fiction Scribe and The Book Stacks

1. He loves me. And I mean truly loves me, doesn’t let me forget I am loved even for a moment loves me. I am so grateful to have his love.
2. He cooks. My hubby makes some of the most delicious things I have ever tasted, even since coming to Australia and tasting some of the best food from different cultures.
3. He doesn’t let me feel sorry for myself. It’s very annoying at the time, but whenever I start getting on in a little pity party, he says something that snaps me out of it and gets me beyond just what I’m feeling in the moment.
4. He insists on me having my own bank account. One of the first things he insisted on doing when I came out here was me getting my own personal account. He doesn’t get to see what I do with the money or how much I have in there. It’s my account for my personal use.
5. He teaches me things. He teaches me so much about everything from cooking to history to how the Australian government system works. He also does it in a way that doesn’t make me feel like an idiot.
6. He lets me run the remote. This may be a bigger deal to some than others, but it is pretty awesome he lets me run the remote. All night, even.
7. He doesn’t yell. We have gotten into plenty of fights, but he never yells or screams at me.
8. He likes to play. Wrestling, tickle fights, cuddling that turns into wrestling or tickle fights…my husband loves to play around and have fun.
9. He admits his faults. I do, too. We have a lot of long talks so we can make sure we’re being sensitive to each others’ needs and that were truly making our relationship work.
10. He’s protective. He wants the best for me, and he’s said he doesn’t want negative things to touch me. This has led to a few bumps in the road, but I am grateful that he makes me feel so protected.
11. He’s an awesome communicator. He is, by far, the person I have had the most meaningful and in depth conversations with. We can honestly and openly talk about everything.
12. Our pre-meeting agreement. I have to mention this one. Before we met in person, he promised that even if we didn’t work out romantically, I could still live with him as long as I needed until I got a job, found an apartment, etc. He was willing to do anything I needed even if we couldn’t have a relationship.
13. He wants to give me the world. He hates saying no to me and has said that he hates it several times. My lovely husband wants me to have the best in life, including whatever I want. It makes me feel so wonderful.

Check out my other T13 on Fiction Scribe

1. If you’re not going through a dating site, then you’re probably going to be friends before you get into a romantic relationship.

2. If you are using a dating site, most sort people out with different criteria including age, likes/dislikes, hobbies, and other like things. You’ll find out as much, if not more, information from looking at someone’s profile than you might on a first blind date.

3. You don’t have to get dressed up to go out ‘cruising’ for people to meet. You can browse whenever you want, dressed however you want.

4. Your dating arena expands immensely. Instead of dating people who are in your town or even only in your state, you suddenly have world-wide opportunities to get out there. I found my love on the other side of the world - so can anyone else.

5. More time to talk. It’s a lot easier to pick out a time to sit at the computer than to pick a time, a place, what to wear, what to eat, what to do after, etc.

6. Privacy. You can have a lot more privacy online. If you’d rather have a few days, weeks, or months to get to know someone without half the state gossiping about you, then all you have to do is not tell them. (I know that sounds bad, but it is a valid point in the positive.)

7. This is also going to sound bad, but online relationships are easier to manage in terms of starting and ending. In the beginning, if you don’t like someone’s profile, then you can send a ‘no’ or ‘ignore’ response. Further on, there are ways of making sure you don’t have to deal with the jilted lover hanging around. (Blocking emails, etc.)

8. Things to do! There are tons of things to do online. From pool to poker, there are a lot of sites and games out there for mutual playing/viewing/etc.

9. Pictures. When you exchange pictures, you don’t have to worry about looking bloated on the first impression or have a sudden fear because you don’t have time to shave. You can put up your best pictures. (Don’t put up fake photos. It will just get you in a lot of trouble and probably make you lose the relationship if you do.)

10. More on getting to know each other. When you have an online relationship, you’re more inclined to get to know each other by asking questions. You’ll ask about favourite foods and past times instead of worrying about getting into each other’s pants.

11. With web cams and free phone/microphone conversations available on the web, you can do (and get used to) pretty much everything before you meet in person. You can take things as slow or fast as you want without getting all kinds of pheromones and body language in the way first.

12. It’s all about communication! If you have an online relationship first, you need to be able to impress and communicate. Given how important communication is in a relationship, this is a step up from the usual dating scene.

13. …because when you’ve held an online relationship for a good amount of time, meeting each other in person for the first times is one of the most amazing feelings you’ll ever have.

Check out my other Thursday Thirteens on Fiction Scribe and The Book Stacks

No, I’m not going to name all specific places, but I will name some ideas for jazzing up your spaces or doing some research to find some nice places.

1. Your bedroom. You can make your bedroom into one of the most romantic spaces by lighting a few candles and playing some music. You don’t have to go so far as to buy rose petals to sprinkle on the bed (though you can) but little touches can go a long way.
2. Your lounge/living room. This can be the same as the bedroom, except you can turn it in to a movie night. Or it might be the better alternative if you want a foodie night.
3. Little restaurants. Do your research. Talk to people about their favourite little romantic spots and why they like them. Don’t just go where they say, though. Listen to why they like the places and then hunt around for a little spot that fits the criteria for you and your other.
4. Bed and breakfast. Sometimes more affordable and often more cozy than a random h/motel room, bed and breakfasts could be your ticket to a nice weekend away from it all.
5. H/Motel. That’s not to say a nice suite or spa room wouldn’t be romantic or the way to go for treating your significant other. Most places are very nice about setting things up if you want to plan a few elements ahead, like a bottle of wine or bouquet of flowers.
6. Drive-in movie. Okay, this one might seem a bit more sleazy than romantic, but it can be romantic and a lot of fun. And yes, there are still drive-ins around, but you might have to do a bit of hunting.
7. Camping. You have to know your significant other for this one - in case they aren’t the outdoors type - but this can also be a lot of fun. Solitude can be hard to get sometimes, and there’s nothing quite like sleeping under the stars.
8. A picnic. This might take a bit of planning to get a beautiful day, but a picnic in the park (or elsewhere) would definitely be worth the wait. There are also a lot of things to eat that work for a picnic, so the ‘cooking’ wouldn’t be hard at all.
9. Road trip! This might not seem like the most romantic gesture, but I for one love the regular road trips he and I take. We often have excellent conversations in the car, but other times we have a wonderful comfortable silence. It’s time to be together with minimal distractions.
10. Walk in the park. In the same vein as a road trip, a walk in the park can be very romantic. You can also combine it with the picnic or follow it with one of the options I’ve mentioned above.
11. Dancing. This might not be the most popular of suggestions, but dancing (depending on the type of dancing) can be very, very romantic. You can also combine it with other options I’ve listed.
12. The beach. The beach can be one of the most romantic places and is combinable with other things I’ve listed. Strolling along the beach holding hands can not only be good for your body (breathing in sea/ocean air) but can definitely be good for your relationship.
13. Do you live in the United States? 451Press has a lot of city blogs - including Chicago - you can check out. Just scroll to the bottom of the page and click on your city. I’m sure the city bloggers can give you a recommendation or two of fun/romantic places to go out.

As I prepare posts to go up while I’m away on a road trip and prepare myself for this year’s NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo, I want to welcome everyone to November! And to Thursday.

If you’re not familiar with Thursday Thirteen, you can check out Fiction Scribe, Write Anyway, and The Book Stacks for examples. Basically, it’s putting up a list every Thursday of thirteen things.

This week I’m listing thirteen ways to say ‘I love you’ because hearing those three words can truly make someone’s day a lovely one.

1. Actually saying the words, “I love you.�?
2. With gifts.
3. In an email.
4. In an e-card.
5. With stones/shells on the beach spalling out the words.
6. On the big screen at a sporting event.
7. With letter magnets on your refrigerator.
8. With a massage for your partner after a long day.
9. A bubble bath complete with candles and your partner’s favourite treat.
10. In a spot in the newspaper.
11. With touches/caresses/kisses.
12. With a song or mix CD.
13. Poetry.

And there’s this week’s Thursday thirteen! Feel free to link to your Thursday thirteens, whether or not they are related to relationship things.