Long Relationships

Is it Wednesday already? Nobody told me. Pfft.

Wednesday means another interesting question as part of the love question series at Short Sweet Love Poems.

Some people prefer their partners to have good looks. Some would rather they have the money. Others, on the other hand, would think inner beauty should supersede everything else. In short, different people have different sets of criteria when looking for a partner.

So, for Love Q #6, let’s see what each of us want in a partner with this question:

What are your top 5 criteria for choosing a mate, in order of priority? In other words, what is your ideal partner like?

It’s hard to rank one as more important as another, but I’ll give it a go:

Intelligence – I need to be with someone who is intelligent and can teach me things. I’d like to be able to teach him things as well.

Maturity – I did not want to have to be the ‘adult’ in the relationship. We both needed to have reached a certain level of maturity.

Love of life – The person I’m with doesn’t have to be bubbly by any means, but I don’t think I could be with someone who couldn’t see beauty or meaning in life.

Conversation – I need to be with someone who can have a good conversation with me. One of the things I love most about my relationship with my husband is that we have lengthy, deep conversations about things that matter to us.

Height – I really hate to admit this one. Honestly, I debated even saying it, but ever since I was a little girl, part of the ‘ideal mate’ package was that he was as tall or taller than me. Don’t ask me why – it’s just something that’s always been.

What are your top five qualities?

It’s another week and that means Short Sweet Love Poems has another question for us that has to do with love…

I know I have written about this before in my other blog but I think this one does make an interesting debate.

All females want equality but some still prefer their partners to be old-fashioned gentlemen. Other women, on the other hand, would like everything to be on an equal footing. So, when it comes to the first date, this question arises for Love Q #5:

Do you think a man should pay on the first date and if he doesn’t, what would be your impression of him?

I think a good general rule of thumb is that the person who asks pays. If I asked a guy to go to the movies or out to dinner, I’d expect to pay for the date. If he asked, I’d bring money, but I’d expect him to pay.

That said, if a guy insisted on paying, then that’s fine.

What would I think of him… I think if a guy asked me out and then didn’t pay, then he wanted to go out as friends. I wouldn’t be insulted or anything like that.

Don’t forget to check out Annz and Mountaingirl to see what they have to say on the matter. If you are participating, be sure to leave a link here as well as at the SSLP page so we can all check out your answer.

I hope you all have a lovely Friday and a lovely weekend as well. Get outside and enjoy! Spend some time with the ones you love!

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***

Brought to you by Short Sweet Love Poems

There is a saying that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. But to have loved and lost means painful negative emotions such as hurt, disappointment, betrayal, depression, anger and the feeling of being abandoned may take root in our hearts. This is true especially when a relationship sours. On the other hand, if there is no love affair, we don’t have to put ourselves at risk with these deep unhappy feelings although life may just be more monotonous.

So for Love Q #4: Is it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

I absolutely agree with the statement that’s it’s better to have loved and lost, but I have a sort of optimistic reasoning for it, strangely enough.

As much as I admire the romantic qualities of going out with one person in school and eventually marrying them, I think that only works for a small part of the population. Many more of us change too much in a lifetime to stay with the person we date in school.

I mean, think about the person you went out with in school – would you date him/her now? Would you mesh? Are you at all the person you were in school?

Loving and losing, while it hurts, teaches us what works for us and what doesn’t. I was never one to let a relationship experience go to waste and took at least one lesson from each of the relationships I had. While it didn’t help me avoid the relationships to follow that didn’t work out, I did ‘move up’ in the dating guys world until I met my husband.

So while I don’t condemn first love, only love relationships, I think it’s healthy to get out there and learn about not only what you want in relationships but about who you are in relationships.

Be sure to stop by and see what Mae has to say.

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***

More fun from Short Sweet Love Poems.

For this week, let’s have a little more fun. Just come up with 5 types of men that you can’t stand and whom you think a woman should never marry, apart from the usual gambler, alcoholic, drug addict, womaniser and abuser.

Different women do have different tastes and distastes in men so, let’s list out yours. Maybe you hate a miser or a control freak. Or perhaps you can’t stand a male chauvinist or someone who always think he is better than you. Whatever they are, list them out so, everyone can have a read.

Love Q #3: What are the 5 types of men that you can’t stand and whom you think a woman should never marry?

1. The Forever Bachelor – Likes the idea of marriage and settling down but is and always has been made to be a bachelor.

2. The “I Care On the Inside�? Man – He cares, but he’s so tough and macho that he never (or rarely) shows it. I think it takes more balls to own up to how you feel.

3. Love ‘Em and Leave ‘Em Man – People don’t change unless something hugely dramatic happens. And even then most people don’t change. If he liked sleeping around then, commitment to you isn’t going to be his forte.

4. Mr. Indecisive – If it took him forever to go out with you, forever to propose, etc, and he waffled on those decisions, he’s probably not the kind of guy you should go for.

5. Mr. Tight Ass – Your finances are his finances. He wants the change. He wants to see the receipts. He has ideas on how you could better use your money, he always buys generic, and he never thinks of luxury at the end of a hard day. Need I say more?

Check out Nurin and Abbey for their answers.

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***

I finished up the last love question and realized that there was already another question up to be answered. So, as a bonus for this week (TGIF!), here is my answer to the second question.

This tag comes courtesy of Short Sweet Love Poems (I had the name wrong in the last post).

When it comes to matters of the heart, often times we are blinded by emotions. We act irrationally and love is also illogical. But love resides in our heart and it is our heart that tells us if we are happy or sad. Comparatively, our head gives us power of reasoning and logic which helps to prevent us from being hurt or betrayed. In life, we do need to be rational but rationality do not bring love and happiness although it protects.

So, for Love Q #2:

When it comes to love, is it better to follow your head or your heart?

Well, that’s a bit of a tough one and has been the subject of many books, movies and poems.

For me, it depends what ‘stage’ you are in. When you are in the rose-tinted glasses stage, it’s better to use your head. The rose tint can cause you to ignore your instincts and do some pretty stupid things. I am absolute no exception to this.

When you have been in a relationship for longer than that, then it’s better to use your heart because you’re more likely to go through tough times when you’re really going to need that heart of yours.

What do you think? Do you agree or disagree with me?

Be sure to stop by Amidrin and Jo-N to see what they have to say on the matter.

***This post is part of the 100 Comments Contest. Click on the link for more information on how you can win.***

I was recently invited to participate in a relationship meme and, well, I have a hard time resisting memes, tags, etc. So here is a love question from Being Pursued and my answer to it.

Welcome to Love Q #1. For this week, just imagine you are being pursued by someone but you are absolutely not interested in his or her advances. I have come across the different manners that people do to send out the message that they are not interested but lets hear it from you.

So, the question:

If you are being romantically pursued but you are not interested, what would you do to let the person know? For instance, would you be direct and blunt or would you drop hints?

This has actually happened to me more than once, believe it or not.

The first time, I did exactly the wrong thing: I went out with the guy even though I wasn’t really interested. I just couldn’t bear to make him feel bad by saying no and he was a good friend. I thought maybe something might happen. (What can you say? I was a lot younger.)

These days I’m definitely a bit more direct. I’m not as outrageous when I flirt so as to avoid these kind of awkward situations. The easiest way to get out of anything like that is to mention my husband or something related to him so I can eventually bring him up.

If I was single… Eh, I’d go the hints way first, but not for long. I’m too impatient to dance around the issue like that.

What about you? Are you a direct Doris or a bit of a shy hint-dropper?

***This post is part of the 100 Comments Contest. Click on the link for more information on how you can win.***