Long Relationships

I found this meme over at Jenera’s blog and thought it might be fun to share a little bit about Mr. JM. Feel free to join in. Leave your answers or a link in the comments.

1. He’s sitting in front of the TV: what is on the screen?
Oh, probably the cricket when we’re in the right season. Otherwise a documentary.

2. You are out to eat: What kind of dressing does he put on his salad?
He eats salad? No one told me that. He does make me a fantastic dressing for my salads.

3. What is the one food he doesn’t like?
Tripe

4. You go out to the bar: what does he order?
A Guinness if he’s spoiling himself, a James Boags (if it’s on tap) if he’s relaxing, and a red wine if he’s watching his diet.

5. Where did he go to high school?
Orbost High

6. What size shoe does he wear?
Almost exactly the same size I do. (I have big feet.)

7. If he were to collect anything, what would it be?
Strange and interesting artifacts from around the world.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
Ham, chicken and cheese.

9. What would the husband eat every day if he could?
I don’t think he would voluntarily eat anything every day. I’d go with seafood in general.

10. What is his favorite cereal?
He doesn’t eat cereal. He’s doing smoothies now, but his usual is oatmeal.

11. What would he never wear?
Pink

12. What is his favorite sports team?
Probably the Australia cricket team

13. Who will he vote for?
I don’t know if he will vote. He might just write “piss off, you lot” the next time he has to go in. (We’re talking Aussie elections, by the way.)

14. Who is his best friend?
I don’t know that he has a ‘best’ friend, really.

5. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do?
Forget about things. Hehe.

16. How many states has he lived in?
I’m pretty sure he’s only ever lived in two - Victoria and Western Australia. I could be wrong with that, though; he has moved a lot.

17. What is his heritage?
We’re not entirely sure, but he has some Jewish in him.

18. You bake him a cake for his birthday: what kind?
Lemon meringue

19. Did he play sports in high school?
Footy, I think.

20. What could he spend hours doing?
Surfing the internet, watching videos, researching his various interests

As you know, I’m running a little behind on things, so this question is actually from last week. It’s an interesting question, though, and I would like to take the time to answer it.

Love Question 16:

These days, for every marriage almost half ends in divorce. People no longer treat marriage as a ’till-death-do-us-part’ arrangement unlike the past. Instead when things get rough, divorce is a very viable option because a divorcee no longer faces any social stigmas associated with a failed marriage.

So, for Love Q #16: Is the idea of marriage outdated?

How to begin this one…

It’s my opinion that the news, newspapers, etc play up the sad and dramatic stories because they know that’s what will draw people in. In many places, crime has gone down and yet people are more afraid to go out of their homes than ever. That’s because crime gets reported; people (like cops) doing their jobs well doesn’t get reported.

So while the world is certainly changing and marriage isn’t quite the concrete building it used to be, I don’t think it has yet passed into the realm of ‘outdated’. Marriage is more than just ‘sticking with someone’ no matter what. It’s commitment, bonding, a declaration of love, and so much more (if you want it to be).

The idea that marriage is meant to keep you together forever? Yeah, perhaps that is becoming ignored, if not outdated. Marriage, the whole thing and all its meanings, outdated? Not quite yet.

My lovely friend Jenera put out an open tag on her blog and, well, I always find it hard to resist a tag. And hey, this way we’ll all get to know some weird things about each other. Fun, right?

First you post the rules:

1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks you possess.
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.

So on to my six quirky things…

1. When I (used to) eat M&Ms, I eat them in twos.
2. I have a tamagotchi. Yep, that’s right. It’s all mine, not passed on from someone, bought as a present for me. I’m a kid at heart.
3. I don’t think tattoos are especially quirky, but I have two – one on each wrist – and I’m planning on getting more.
4. Before I came to Australia, I hated broccoli, mushrooms, pumpkin, sweet potato, all sorts of things… Now I love them. I think it’s my husband’s cooking.
5. I absolutely love strategy/planning/’god’ computer games. Sim City especially. Building cities and civilizations and watching them flourish? I love it.
6. I love, love, love office supplies. Pens, papers, notebooks, etc. Mmmm.

Haha. Now you know more about me than you ever wanted to know now.

I am going to do what Jenera did and invite everyone to participate in the tag. Either leave a comment with your answers or leave a link to your answers on your blog.

It’s that time again this week and Short Sweet Love Poems has another thought-provoking question for us to answer. If you answer these questions on your own blog, be sure to leave me a link in the comments.

In many relationships, people grow out of love. They change along the way with one partner drifting further and further away from the other on an emotional level.

It is a sad situation but I think it is also a reality among many married couples today.

My question to you this week for Love Q #15: Should couples stay together for the sake of the kids when love is no longer present? Can it work?

While I have no doubt it can work at a functional level, I don’t believe couples should stay together just for the kids.

It’s no secret that the things we observe in childhood influence us as adults. It’s been proven in studies (you’re going to have to take my word for it because I can’t find the study I have in mind) that we are attracted to people with similar backgrounds. With those things working for most of us in our relationships, we’re likely to repeat what our parents have done in both good and bad things.

While you could argue that divorce might lead to a higher chance of divorce for the children, isn’t demonstrating doing what is good for people involved is better than staying in situations simply for the sake of others? The children may not understand at the time, but if you are open and honest about what is going on, they eventually will.

What do you think?

I was wondering when the topic of money was going to come up…

From Short Sweet Love Poems…

Let’s talk about money this week, shall we?

There are certainly pros and cons to this issue. For instance, if you pool your money together, you are taking steps to save for the future. On the other hand, if you have separate accounts, there is not much pressure to account for money spent which may be better for the relationship as a whole.

For Love Q #14, let me pose this: Should you have a joint account with your partner? And should you keep tabs on what he or she may be spending on?

I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary in a relationship to have a joint account with your partner. I do with my partner in part because we needed ways to prove that I was really here for good in my Spousal Visa application. It’s also convenient in that our shared account is our shared expenses account – like groceries. I can pick things up, he can, or we can.

I think what is important is not to have *only* a joint account. You need to have your own personal account as well for freedom and a sense of privacy.

I don’t think you should keep tabs, but that’s a matter of trust in the relationship. My husband trusts me to pay my bills (student loan, medical) with what I earn. I trust my husband to pay our household bills with what he earns. The rest goes in our shared account, and a little bit to each of our personal accounts.

Keeping tabs is, I think, a way of saying you don’t trust the person. And if you can’t be open and honest even along the lines of, “I use about $__ a month just for comfort stuff for me” and be open for discussion, then something is wrong there.

We have another good question this week from Short Sweet Love Poems that could get a bit interesting…

When we first start out on a relationship, we will usually try to look our best. We will think a little (or a lot) of what to wear, which perfume to put on and so on. After a while, though, when the excitement has died down and we start to get comfortable in the relationship, many tend to slack on their appearance.

Which brings me to Love Q #13:

Does appearance matter in a relationship? Should you always try to look your best for your date?

This is a fun one. I reckon that on the first date, you should go somewhere that you’ll get really messy. Paintballing, four-wheeling, etc. It breaks the ice quite nicely, getting down and dirty (not in a naughty way) on the first date.

That being said, appearances to matter to a certain extent. While I think constant ‘flawlessness’ is a bit much to expect of anyone (and could border on an obsessive compulsive disorder), I also think that your appearance tells other people how much you care about yourself.

No one wants to be with someone with really bad hygiene and neither does anybody want to be with people who don’t care about themselves in general. If you can’t muster up the energy to care about yourself, can you really maintain a healthy relationship?

I’d love to hear what you think. Leave your comments here or leave me a link to your blog where you answered the question.

Have a great day!

We have another interesting question this week from Short Sweet Love Poems…

Some people go by the saying that honesty is the best policy. So, they would rather reveal everything to their partner upfront, including details of their past relationships.

Would you want your partner to know how many people you have slept with in the past? Or how you have cheated on someone you once dated, for example? So, talking about your past relationships to your current partner can indeed be a difficult issue.

On to Love Q #11:

How frank should you be with your partner when it comes to your past relationships? How much of the details should you reveal?

This can be a bit tricky depending on the relationship and the questions asked. Obviously, it’s not exactly comfortable to have your partner asking, “What did you like best about sex with so and so?�? Then again, I see no reason to lie about how many people you’ve slept with. (As long as someone isn’t asking you about it on the first date.)

Overall, I’m more on the side of honesty is best, but that’s in part because my partner is honest with me when I have questions. We also both know that we can trust each other not to hold our past against each other.

Then again, if you’re with someone who is going to hold your past against you, then maybe you shouldn’t be with that person in the first place.

But yes, if the questions don’t get too ridiculous and don’t make you uncomfortable, there’s no reason to lie.

What do you think?

Happy Sunday! Or something like that, right? It’s the end of a long weekend. I hope you all had fun. Here is the other Love Question from Short Sweet Love Poems that I missed while my site was down.

This one should get interesting…

Interestingly, I read an article recently that mentions that a third of Australian males polled by a men’s magazine hoped to marry a virgin. And slightly over 40% prefer their women to have had 5 partners or fewer.

If men still prefer their prospective wife to be chaste or not so sexually promiscuous, then should a woman be more cautious of when to allow sex to creep into a relationship?

Anyway, let’s have a look at Love Q #10:

What stage in a relationship do you think two people should be at before they start sleeping together?

OK, maybe this question will bring up moral and religious issues on one hand and freedom and liberty on the other. Whatever it is, it would be good to read different opinions. I’m looking forward to it if people are ready to take up the challenge of stating their views!

Funnily enough, my Aussie husband used to like to joke about his virgin bride…

This is probably going to get me in a bit of hot water, but I’m going to say it. I think the view of sex in the United States is entirely too stuck up. The sexual education sucks and sex is often made into some ‘dirty’ thing. Sex happens and people need to get over that and start dealing with it.

*steps off soap box*

This is another hard one to answer because people are so different. If it’s a matter of one partner putting on the pressure, then they shouldn’t. Pressure shouldn’t have a part in losing your virginity. But if you’re both consenting, both are mature enough to realize all the implications (they differ based on beliefs, etc), have both thought about it in a non-heat of the moment time, have protection, and want to do it, then go ahead.

Only you can truly know how you’ll feel about it after. How it will affect your beliefs. You have to step up and start taking responsibility for your thoughts, beliefs, and your body at some point.

Woo hoo! I’m glad to be back and doing the Love Questions meme from Short Sweet Love Poems. I do enjoy the questions and reading the thoughts of others.

This week we have a very interesting, tough question to answer (in my opinion) so let’s get right to it, shall we?

In the US, statistics show that the average marriage age for men is 27 while for women is 25 in recent years. In the UK, the average age is slightly higher with 30 for men and nearly 28 for women.

However, I’m sure we have also come across people who marry very young when they are still in their teens on one extreme as well as people who marry when they are past 40 on the another.

For Love Q #9, consider this:

How young is too young to get married? To put it another way, what is your ideal age to get married and why?

I knew this one would be coming eventually. This is a bit of hard one to answer, because people are so different. Two teenagers who are eighteen years old can be completely different in terms of maturity, and that’s what I think it comes down to – levels of maturity.

I guess, for a minimum, I’d go with eighteen. It’s when you’re recognized as an ‘adult’ by society and are allowed to go and die for your country, so why not? Again, it can be a bit young if the people involved aren’t mature, but then again, some sixteen year olds are ready to get married and can make it work just fine.

I think the US statistics are a pretty ideal age, in the end. 25 means you’ve been through university (hopefully) and know a bit more about life that way. 27, for men, means they have had a couple extra years beyond that to settle down and get themselves straight a bit.

I’m just going to stop now. I could go on about this forever because people can be so different. I know people who got married at 18 and people who have gotten married at 50, and the majority of them are doing fine.

Hello and happy Thursday everyone! (It’s almost Friday. It’s almost Friday…)

Short Sweet Love Poems has provided another interesting prompt into the world of love, relationships and dating. As always, if you decide to participate, leave comments here or leave a link to where you have answered the question.

On to the question!

When you decide to go on a first date with another person, you would naturally have certain expectations of him or her. And if the person fails to meet those expectations, that might well end up as a turn-off and there certainly won’t be a second date to come.

Some people find being late is a huge turn-off. Others can’t stand their dates chatting on the cell phone, leaving them waiting for the conversation to end. Talking about an ex in detail is also a big no-no to many.

So, for Love Q #8, let’s share this: What would turn you off when it comes to the first date?

Is it bad it feels like ages since I’ve gone on my first date? To be honest, I haven’t ever had a first date. There was a kind of one, but not really.

Anyway, enough about me.

As far as annoyances go, the biggest complaint from first dates would be the date who only talks about “me, me, me�?. First dates happen because you’re getting to know each other. Both people.

I’d like to add on another one, though. Someone who tries too hard. It’s the first date, not your final exams. Relax, talk to me, have fun, flirt a little… Don’t have a fit if there is something imperfect about the night and definitely don’t try to make me fall desperately in love on the first date. (It isn’t going to happen Casanova.)

What do you think?

Short Sweet Love Poems brings us another love and relationships question to ponder this week. Remember, you can answer here or on your blog. If you answer on your blog, be sure to leave a link here and on the SSLP site so we can all read what you have to say.

Many people believe that love is everything in a relationship. We all marry for love expecting that it will see us through the good and bad times. Love gives rise to passion and can make our lives happier.

Is love alone enough in a relationship?

Ah, this is going to be an interesting one.

While I think it’s incredibly romantic to say that love alone can carry a relationship, I don’t think that’s true. I want to believe it’s truly, very much so, but I simply can’t.

First you face the basic needs. Food, water, shelter, etc. We all know that. Barring the basic necessities, though, I still think a relationship needs more than just love if it wants to survive long term.

There is trust. There are things in common – you need a few of those if you ever want to get along. You need to be able to communicate somehow.

The mix is different in every relationship, but it remains that every relationship needs more than love.

Is it Wednesday already? Nobody told me. Pfft.

Wednesday means another interesting question as part of the love question series at Short Sweet Love Poems.

Some people prefer their partners to have good looks. Some would rather they have the money. Others, on the other hand, would think inner beauty should supersede everything else. In short, different people have different sets of criteria when looking for a partner.

So, for Love Q #6, let’s see what each of us want in a partner with this question:

What are your top 5 criteria for choosing a mate, in order of priority? In other words, what is your ideal partner like?

It’s hard to rank one as more important as another, but I’ll give it a go:

Intelligence – I need to be with someone who is intelligent and can teach me things. I’d like to be able to teach him things as well.

Maturity – I did not want to have to be the ‘adult’ in the relationship. We both needed to have reached a certain level of maturity.

Love of life – The person I’m with doesn’t have to be bubbly by any means, but I don’t think I could be with someone who couldn’t see beauty or meaning in life.

Conversation – I need to be with someone who can have a good conversation with me. One of the things I love most about my relationship with my husband is that we have lengthy, deep conversations about things that matter to us.

Height – I really hate to admit this one. Honestly, I debated even saying it, but ever since I was a little girl, part of the ‘ideal mate’ package was that he was as tall or taller than me. Don’t ask me why – it’s just something that’s always been.

What are your top five qualities?

It’s another week and that means Short Sweet Love Poems has another question for us that has to do with love…

I know I have written about this before in my other blog but I think this one does make an interesting debate.

All females want equality but some still prefer their partners to be old-fashioned gentlemen. Other women, on the other hand, would like everything to be on an equal footing. So, when it comes to the first date, this question arises for Love Q #5:

Do you think a man should pay on the first date and if he doesn’t, what would be your impression of him?

I think a good general rule of thumb is that the person who asks pays. If I asked a guy to go to the movies or out to dinner, I’d expect to pay for the date. If he asked, I’d bring money, but I’d expect him to pay.

That said, if a guy insisted on paying, then that’s fine.

What would I think of him… I think if a guy asked me out and then didn’t pay, then he wanted to go out as friends. I wouldn’t be insulted or anything like that.

Don’t forget to check out Annz and Mountaingirl to see what they have to say on the matter. If you are participating, be sure to leave a link here as well as at the SSLP page so we can all check out your answer.

I hope you all have a lovely Friday and a lovely weekend as well. Get outside and enjoy! Spend some time with the ones you love!

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***

Brought to you by Short Sweet Love Poems

There is a saying that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. But to have loved and lost means painful negative emotions such as hurt, disappointment, betrayal, depression, anger and the feeling of being abandoned may take root in our hearts. This is true especially when a relationship sours. On the other hand, if there is no love affair, we don’t have to put ourselves at risk with these deep unhappy feelings although life may just be more monotonous.

So for Love Q #4: Is it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

I absolutely agree with the statement that’s it’s better to have loved and lost, but I have a sort of optimistic reasoning for it, strangely enough.

As much as I admire the romantic qualities of going out with one person in school and eventually marrying them, I think that only works for a small part of the population. Many more of us change too much in a lifetime to stay with the person we date in school.

I mean, think about the person you went out with in school – would you date him/her now? Would you mesh? Are you at all the person you were in school?

Loving and losing, while it hurts, teaches us what works for us and what doesn’t. I was never one to let a relationship experience go to waste and took at least one lesson from each of the relationships I had. While it didn’t help me avoid the relationships to follow that didn’t work out, I did ‘move up’ in the dating guys world until I met my husband.

So while I don’t condemn first love, only love relationships, I think it’s healthy to get out there and learn about not only what you want in relationships but about who you are in relationships.

Be sure to stop by and see what Mae has to say.

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***

More fun from Short Sweet Love Poems.

For this week, let’s have a little more fun. Just come up with 5 types of men that you can’t stand and whom you think a woman should never marry, apart from the usual gambler, alcoholic, drug addict, womaniser and abuser.

Different women do have different tastes and distastes in men so, let’s list out yours. Maybe you hate a miser or a control freak. Or perhaps you can’t stand a male chauvinist or someone who always think he is better than you. Whatever they are, list them out so, everyone can have a read.

Love Q #3: What are the 5 types of men that you can’t stand and whom you think a woman should never marry?

1. The Forever Bachelor – Likes the idea of marriage and settling down but is and always has been made to be a bachelor.

2. The “I Care On the Inside�? Man – He cares, but he’s so tough and macho that he never (or rarely) shows it. I think it takes more balls to own up to how you feel.

3. Love ‘Em and Leave ‘Em Man – People don’t change unless something hugely dramatic happens. And even then most people don’t change. If he liked sleeping around then, commitment to you isn’t going to be his forte.

4. Mr. Indecisive – If it took him forever to go out with you, forever to propose, etc, and he waffled on those decisions, he’s probably not the kind of guy you should go for.

5. Mr. Tight Ass – Your finances are his finances. He wants the change. He wants to see the receipts. He has ideas on how you could better use your money, he always buys generic, and he never thinks of luxury at the end of a hard day. Need I say more?

Check out Nurin and Abbey for their answers.

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***