Long Relationships

This really has absolutely nothing to do with relationships (other than the fact my husband is the person who figured out something that works) but I figured I would post it anyway in case anyone else has been dealing with similar problems.

For the past month or so, I have been having these really horrible headaches. What started out as a dull, annoying pain slowly turned into a constant pain that often escalated into severe pain. Then over the past few days, it grew to a nearly intolerable level. I couldn’t work, I felt sick. All I really wanted to do was sleep.

I tried the major brands of headache medicine. I absolutely hate, hate, hate taking pills, but at that point I was willing to do anything. Nothing worked. I went to the chemist to talk to a pharmacist about what to do and she recommended yet another pain reliever.

Big surprise, that didn’t work either. All it did was make me a bit sleepy.

It got to the point where either I needed to find something to work fast or I was going to the hospital.

It was more than evident that this had moved well out of headache country into migraine territory. As it turned out, ‘migraine’ was the magic word for my husband’s memory.

Long before we’d met, he’d come across a help for migraines. It had served as a cure for his mother and another one of his friends – both people who had suffered with migraines for years. While he wasn’t able to find the actual mixable powder components, he did find something with the same important ingredients: calcium plus magnesium.

I took two of those little lovelies and it wasn’t long before my migraine was easing to a tolerable level and I could think again. Focus. Concentrate. I was so happy I had to stop myself from dancing around.

Of course, you’ll probably want to check with your doctor, but it’s worth a go. Especially if you or someone you know is in a lot of pain.

~~~
Don’t forget to please vote for Long Relationships on Divine Caroline!

As I live and learn, it becomes more and more apparent that nearly everything in life has an ebb and flow. We wake, we sleep. We’re happy, we’re sad. Even in marriage there are times when we can’t get enough of each other’s presence and then there are times when every other move seems to be the wrong one.

While I may personally hate the times when it seems like I just can’t make the right moves around my husband, I realize it is all part of life. Being with someone constantly – especially if you both have previously lived by yourselves – is bound to cause some annoyance here and there.

When I was growing up, I heard a statistic that said most divorces happen in the first three years of marriage. That’s when the couple is realizing the full extent of the commitment they have made. They could be moving in together (though that happens more often before marriage these days). They’re noticing the little things if they haven’t noticed them before marriage.

Thus the ebb and flow. It’s when the negative, annoyed times are happening more than the happy times that things can start spelling real trouble.

I try to surf out these times as best I can by remembering a few rules:

1. Some things are better left unsaid. (No matter how much I may want to say them.)
2. Apologizing, even when you don’t particularly ‘feel’ like it, can go a long way in smoothing things over.
3. Don’t pour lemon juice on a paper cut. Otherwise known as: ‘I told you so’ might be on the tip of your tongue, but maybe [read number one].
4. Most importantly, respect your partner’s space. Even if you feel like it’s a canyon, sometimes we all need our own space. Learn to recognize those times and be patient.

Now I just need to work on remembering these rules in the moments when I munch on foot…

A new has found that the way men and women view a kiss can be quite different. The results of the study undertaken by the New York State University uncovered some fascinating differences in attitudes between the two sexes.

The team quizzed over 1,000 students; they found that while men used it to increase the likelihood of sex, women used it to asses the kissed as a potential partner and, in long-term relationships, to check the status of the relationship. However, a first kiss was viewed as important by both men and women. A separate survey within the study found that 59% of men and 66% of women reported losing interest in some
body they had been attracted too after the first kiss.

Surveyed men were more willing to have sex with somebody they considered a bad kisser or else somebody they had not kissed at all. Perhaps unsurprisingly they were also more willing to agree to sex with someone they felt no attraction for at all. After initial contact is made it doesn’t end there; women, unlike men, placed a stress on kissing as a means of maintaining intimacy through out a relationship. Men, however, see kissing as important in reconciling an argument, 70% thought kissing could end a fight as opposed to 58% of females.

Differences also emerged in the types of kisses that the sexes preferred. Men preferred wetter kisses and made little discrimination between short and long-term partners where as women preferred wetter kisses with only long-term partners. Males were also more likely to prefer more tongue contact with short-term partners which is probably a product of men seeing kissing much more as a means to lead-in to sex. As sexual relations progressed women maintained a pretty consistent view of the importance of kissing while for men it was significantly less important during and after sex.

Commenting on the results, Dr Glenn Wilson, an expert in relationships at London’s Institute of Psychiatry attributed these differences to women needing to test more:
“Kissing is used by everyone as a bonding and testing mechanism.

But the fact is women are more discriminatory than men. Men can just go out and spread their seed, but women have to take more responsibility because of the consequences and so they are likely to want to test more.”

(Source: BBC News)

However, the results tend to reinforce the view that for women the physical is much more closely tied to the emotional side of a relationship and some may say sadly tends to also reinforce the stereotype that men are much less interested in the emotional side of a relationship with their primary goal being physical gratification. Men also come out of the survey looking a little usurious; seeing kissing as a means to achieve that satisfaction rather than expression of or testing of a deeper emotional bond. Whichever view you take of it, it is perhaps worth remembering that when you or your partner are next in a passionate embrace that your partner it may mean more to them than you think.

Affairs of the heart are the most complicated phenomena known to mankind – forget Pythagoras theorem or astrophysics. Finding that special one, the one that lasts and produces sensations and experiences without compare, is tricky and most of us have to go through the agony of breaking-up at some stage in our romantic lives.

Rejection and the feelings stirred by that are hard to deal with. If you are dump your ex then, sure you might be disappointed, but ultimately it wasn’t what you wanted. You may experience a pang of remorse or regret, but in reality you are glad its not you left wondering why and feeling completely inadequate. So, being on the ball in the relationship is crucial. If you grin and bear an obviously impossible situation or fail to read the runes on your partner’s feelings then you will probably end up in the rejected pile anyway. No matter how much you are told it ‘wasn’t you’ you can’t quite accept it wasn’t. Ultimately it’s you who is being told that, for whatever reason, you don’t make the grade anymore.

Getting closure depends on the precise manner and means of the break-up; having sorted out the wherefores the next most crucial question is why. Obviously if you were cheating or committing some such other obvious relationship sin then the reason should be obvious. However, if you are no definite reason then your mind, already convinced that you are at fault, wanders off in various dark directions: Was I bad in bed? Did I mistreat the person in question? Is there somebody else involved? A vague reason increase the scope of self-torture but it can cruelly prolongs hope since it gives the appearance that your ex-partner doesn’t know their own mind and thus ipso facto maybe be swayed back.

Of course, being told you are being left for somebody else may be immensely painful but at least it’s conclusive and allows greater scope for closure. It’s a bit like the difference between having your arm cut off with a kitchen knife or a samurai sword. I was less than impressed when I was rejected on the grounds of the imminent pregnancy of my other half – not with my child of course, but with her alleged ex’s. However, looking back i recognise that split as being less painful than others.

Cure-All

After the axe falls there are plenty of cure all phrases to patch up a broken heart. All of them contain a grain of truth but are pretty redundant at the time. Plenty more fish may swim your way from the sea but if fishing was what you wanted to do with your time you would have spent more time with Uncle Tom down by the river bank and less on kiss chase behind the bike sheds. Besides, if it was other girls you had wanted then you would have been dating other girls not your most recent amore.

For the more pro-active, there is the classic ’the best way to get over somebody is get under somebody else’. I can’t say i have any direct experience that proves the benefits of this strategy. However, i have seen convincing evidence for the prosecution from a few of my friends. Thinking off the top of my head i have yet to encounter anybody who has recovered from a serious emotional blow through lashings of casual sex. Sure its good fun for one night and you feel wanted again but by the time the alka-seltzer dissolves so has that feeling. The connection you had with your ex was much more intimate and personal than the one you will ever have with that big-busted brunette or strapping hunk from the local club.

However, my maxim is the emotional equivalent: You can’t fully move on until you have somewhere to move too. Most of us need love as much as we need food. When we are children we get that mostly off of our immediate relations and parents. Adulthood however sees us looking further a-field. Comfort for a broken heart from friends and family is of course helpful but it is no substitute for what you have just lost. This may frustrate those around you but it is the truth; in reality their goal should be to nurse the shattered heart back to health and then let it fly free again.

No-contact is often advised and can be very effective but it is one of those things that can be easier said than done. If it is a route that you are going to take then make sure it is maintained; if you find yourself reaching for the text button then prime friends to stop you or set-up little reminders n your phone of why you shouldn’t, of course you could easily just delete the number (and email etc) to remove temptation altogether.

Friendly ex’s.

One of the commonest forms of an unclean break is the very sticky and very complicated world of post-relationship friendships. Here the necessity of cleanliness becomes even greater. If f lovers become friends then the kind of emotional pressure generated by a split can immediately throw the friendship into crisis.

In my experience, ex’s can never be just another friend. How many of your friends have you seen naked and/or slept with? Who is thinking one or two now? Even more interestingly who is thinking three or four? Seriously though there is a difference; friendly ex’s have a kind of intimate knowledge friends will never have, both emotional and physical. Ex’s thus end up in a kind of emotional limbo, somewhere between being more than friends but less than partners. Things really are never the same again.

Is it best to try and be friends afterwards? Of the two exs who i still have closest contact with neither friendship was particularly stable for a long time. We sniped and alluded to things unsaid and feelings buried deep.

I think generally it’s wrong to rush into friendship, especially if one party is badly injured. Space and time to heal and readjust is what is needed. Trying to carry on a friendship relationship immediately afterwards allows for no or improper closure. One party has to watch the other suffer and the other is left with a painful sliver of hope lodged in there heart like the tip of a dagger. So, guilt and recrimination corrode the friendship.

Friendship is often offered as a consolation prize. ‘Well at least you aren’t going to lose me totally….’, but of course you are. You are losing a connection which meant so much more. It is a bit like having a BMW, writing it off, and then being offered a Mini as a replacement car. True, you won’t be without a car but, for the first few weeks or months you are painfully aware that you had something so much better before.

It’s hard to pronounce generally on something which is so specific to personal to each situation. Some people slot back into friendship straight away but for others it simply doesn’t work. Relationships are complicated, confusing things which often appear to cause more heartache than they worth. Any assumption that all of this magically stops when they end is far from the truth.

Behaving badly

Let’s be clear on one thing, ‘writing the book’ on relationships is neigh on impossible; experiences and individuals vary too much for that. Even ‘rules’ that you would think would be hard and fast such as ‘thou shalt not cheat’ can be complicated. For example, it is my heartfelt view that an abusive partner abrogates all right to moral consideration and thus somebody cheating on an abusive partner (who may also feel that their safety is under threat if they leave) is not, in my eyes, somebody who should be morally condemned.

Deadly relationship sins such as cheating aside how can you define bad behaviour? Lying, ignoring you, trampling on, manipulating or harming your feelings are all bad behaviour but feelings exist in the ether of our minds. It is in the real world that these problems play out; to take an example, looking at pornography behind your partners back (which is likely to harm their self-esteem) would be bad behaviour. However, if you have told your partner you like porn and want to look at it and they have said it is ok then it is not bad behaviour.

Appreciate the value of setting boundaries; after all if you don’t actually know what your other half considers bad behaviour then it is hard to know when you are in danger of crossing that line. The fact is that each individual has their own set of values through which they judge other people so it is best that you know your partners. If you don’t assert yourself then it is likely that you will soon find yourself trampled on. The person sitting opposite you is your *partner* not your master or mistress except in the bedroom, if that is what floats your boat.

This is equally important to remember when setting boundaries. For example, you may feel your partner spends too much time out and not enough with you but just when do you cross that fine line from justifiably claiming more attention from your partner to being possessive. Balance is the key. So, in our example you may tell your partner you want to spend Friday night with you but let them have some guilt-free gallivanting with friends on Saturday. Thus we see the microcosm of a perfect trade-off; you have gained a Friday night together and your partner has gained their space entitlement, both have given and received something.

Sometimes, invariably the line will be crossed but ‘Tit-for-tat’ is always a bad idea in relationships because nine times out of ten it spirals downwards into a murky place. Sometimes it learns the badly behaved a lesson but that is very very rare; if you say you have forgiven something then part of that package is the implicit promise not to retaliate. If you do then you cannot truly say you have forgiven that transgression; also you cede that valuable moral high ground which everybody scrambles for when the relationship goes ‘west-side’ and it begins to resemble a scene from Machivellis Italy.

Dealing with bad behaviour requires a firm but fair hand; or else you end up in the ‘grey area’ between sainthood and sinner status. If you show the same lack of understanding and care for your partner then they will not improve their behaviour because they will see no reason too and begin to feel that one set of rules operates for you and a different set for them. You also have to remember that your partner is an adult, not a naughty child although similar strategies can apply. Of course, if the transgression is bad enough then you are going to consider breaking-up but that is a different story.

So, you have got this far in and you are still none the wiser as to how you can minimise your own ‘bad behaviour’. Let’s start by establishing some ground-rules:

1) Consideration: As the Sunscreen song puts it: “sometimes you are ahead and sometimes you are behind”. Your partner is a human being and they have all the same needs, wants and foibles as any other human being plus their own peculiar ones. Often it is the peculiar ones that cause the most problems. It is my view this problem stems from the fact that sometimes partners lose sight of their partner as a separate, free-standing, individual from them and view everything in terms of the unit.

Going back to the original point, sometimes you will be naturally the most considered and others you will not. It is only fair that this is the way. Absolutist demands that you are always considered first will soon find you rejected; on the other hand there are times when it is quite right that you demand your feelings etc are giving primacy. The trick is, as always, knowing when is the right time to sit back and when is the right time to assert yourself.

2)Communication: It is my passionate belief that most relationship problems can be solved by more of this; however, sometimes the problems themselves inhibit it, for example I have been in conversations where I have been well aware that me and my partner are talking ‘at’ each other and not too each other at all. If communication is breaking down then you are often better discontinuing the conversation since it is likely to become a blazing row very soon.

However, if you don’t talk to your other half then there is little to no chance of you ever resolving the problem and sometimes not even of knowing what the problem is. Atmosphere and preparation can aid communication in all sorts of ways but the key thing to remember is to actually do it!!

3) Hard-work: This is self-explanatory. I never tire of pointing out that even those most idealistic romantic stories include an ‘awkward middle’ when the key question is ‘will they, won’t they’? The myth of a smooth, uninterrupted path to true love is just that, a myth. Most, if not all, relationships are hard work, dammed hard work which sometimes can seem never to end; the general idea is that the rewards outweigh the price you pay.
If you are not willing to do the work then it speaks ill of your view of that person. We can all be hard work at times and a little sacrifice is sometimes necessary. If you not willing to make that effort then you really need to question why you are in a relationship with a person that you are not willing to work with.

However, if you are doing all the giving and no receiving; or else you feel you are receiving a helping of Trill compared to the gourmet meal you offer, then sitting back and taking it can cause just as many problems. You being to find fault and paradoxically demand more than you would normally to compensate: borrowing a phrase, its like asking for $5, being refused then asking for $50. Your demands become more absolutist and the ‘behaviour line’ becomes blurred. You demand more than you should but your partner gives less than they should so you become like two tectonic plates grating off of each other; with an eruption inevitable.

Bad behaviour left unchecked can be a relationship killer. So, next time you or your partner is behaving badly act quickly.

Relationships are amazingly complicated things. We all have them and there is a wealth of media out there detailing the relationship experience. Of course, when they go well they are stuff of fairy tales but when they go wrong then that is when the complications kick in. Who do we turn to when our little piece of heaven starts clouding over?

Most of us turn to our friends for a spare shoulder and advice. If that fails then there is always a wealth of self-help books and websites out there, not to mention the numerous agony aunts and uncles. Dear Cupid is an advice site with a twist - not only can you seek advice but you can offer your own too by simply registering for a free account. Currently there are well over 4000 agony aunts signed up for an account, this means that when you ask a question you can expect a diverse spread of opinion.

This is, of course, can be both a plus and a minus. On the one hand you will get opinions that come from many different angles and experiences and on the other many people will fear stupid or hurtful responses. However, in all fairness to the site’s owners they operate a tight moderation policy and you can expect to be treated well by both site regulars and those passing through. A rating system is also in place for questions and answers which is a further way of maintaining some kind of quality monitor. If all else fails then it is possible to vote for answers to be removed.

Registration for the site is relatively painless and all-in-all it is worth it because you can ‘build’ your presence much easier and interact more with the community. Also, you never know when your individual experience is going to make a difference for somebody else. Your profile is a little simplistic allowing for a short bio and a link along with a picture. Any questions and answers you ask will be logged in ‘your column’ so your record on the site is clearly visible. You can also readily access any follow-ups from question askers as they are marked.

Asking a question and receiving a response is a relative quick process and it is simple to do. However, one slight quibble might be that there is no facility to link back so if you want to ‘update’ a situation you either need to ask a new question (if you want to get some attention) or post a follow-up which could be buried. Questions encompassing all type of relationships are covered and grouped together by category so you can find others are having the same problem as you and see what responses they got.

In addition to the main Q&A section there are also forums for lighter discussions and the facility to mail each individual aunt in private. This adds to the interactivity of the site and they are welcome additions. Design is functional but not spectacular; all-in-all that is the overall tone of the site. It functions and in some way excels at what it does but does not push boundaries. However, given its precise function this is no bad thing, the last thing you actually want when in emotional distress is to be assaulted by bells and whistles, what you want is something simple and easy to get to grips with. If you are in need of advice and looking for somewhere to turn then Cupid can help patch up a broken heart.

We all each have unique experiences of this thing we call love. As such, pinning down a precise definition of the word itself is challenging enough let alone categorising the sum total of human experience.

Starting at the beginning - not with a definitive definition of love but rather with my personal definition, as this is the only one I can reasonably give. Love is a connection. However, it is a different connection to any other; whether we are conscious of it or not we all form connections with those around us, our friends, family, partners, and even sometimes fleeting ones with complete strangers.

Love in its broadest sense can be applied to most of these connections. People love their friends and they love their kin but normally in a platonic way. So, is love just another emotional connection plus sex? Yes and no. Lust is an important part of love. It is in no way shallow to say that you must lust after your partner in some-way, it is just a fact. Remove lust and all you are left with is a close friendship. However, with just lust you are left with, in effect, a one night stand. Speaking personally I often find personality traits sexually interesting. To my mind some of the un-sexist people are often society’s deified icons of sex; model’s, for example, often have disturbingly vacant eyes something which turns me decidedly off. Loving somebody involves spending time with them outside the bedroom so it has to involve more than lust.

It’s supposed monogamous nature is one of the great love myth’s. Why is it perfectly socially acceptable to love more than one person in a friendship sense but not in a partner sense? Truly loving more than one person in a lifetime is entirely possible and, although I have no statistical proof, is most likely the norm.

Sad to say but sacrifice is an important part of love. It is also a necessary part. Acts of sacrifice play an important and often inspirational part in human culture because to a degree, greater or lesser, it involves us overcoming aspects of our own, innate, nature. If love was all about just the good times then it would not be half as treasured as it is. Of course, they must be those too but a view of love as just this, that it comes with no effort or sacrifice without obligation or responsibility, is not rounded but idealistic and blinkered. Ideals are fine but like everything else they always carry within them there own negation, there own negative.

Some would say love itself is an ideal and there is some truth to this but like most truth’s its one-sidedness it fails to recognise the very real experience of billions upon billions of people who are in a very real state called love. Here we find my ultimate defence of love. It’s real. It happens. Whether we have been in it or merely observed it nobody can deny that. I have just attended a wedding of two of my friends. Could you ask for any more tangible proof of actually existing love? Whatever happens to them in the future, and I sincerely wish nothing, in the moment of there marriage there is a proof of actually existing love that is tangible. It is as real as these words or the chair you are sitting on.

Anything that is capable of inspiring great good is also capable of inspiring great evil and vice versa - although things are harder that way, it is easier to destroy than create for example - and so it is with love. It has been with us in some form from when we were nothing but another animal and will remain with us until the sun sets on the ruins of our civilisation. No matter how many times we get burnt - and no doubt there will be more - love will always remain one of those great things that cut to the very essence of what we are as a species, something that makes us truly human.

A recent survey of moviegoers found that the pairing of Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen in George Lucas’s recent Star Wars trilogy was the ‘least convincing’ on-screen partnership. It was hardly a surprising result for those of us who felt that Christensen displayed all the acting talent of a wooden plank; squandering a golden opportunity to establish himself as a truly great actor.

Interestingly the most common complaint was that the relationship between Christensen’s Anakin Skywalker and Portman’s Padame Amidala lacked ‘lust’. Given that the pair were portrayed in their youth and teenage years this perhaps is revealing of an attitude that lust should be the predominate force in youthful relationships. However, Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom also suffered in the poll for being “too stiff upper lip” in Pirates of the Caribbean.

Obviously we want excitement when we go the cinema. Sex sells and crackling sexual tension put’s bums on theatre seats. However, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing; Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidmen made ninth place for their roles in Stanley Kubrick’s highly sexually charged Eyes Wide Shut.

Simplicity is always good too, although too much simplicity is usually rejected as being ‘fake’ or cutesy. Although the movie was critically acclaimed at the time and did much to establish Hugh Grant as an acting force; his tryst with Andy McDowell in Four Weddings and a Funeral came in a surprisingly high sixth. Despite this there is still room for old fashioned star-crossed romance as evidenced by the conviction in Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet’s Titanic performances.

Of course movies are escapism and what we are really looking for when we sit down popcorn in hand is what is lacking in our own relationships or else how we wished things were. Sadly, though they are based somewhat on how things are things rarely run as smoothly as they do in the movies (let’s be honest, we all know they will defiantly hook-up in the end). Real life is much more complex, something reflected by the fact that Cruise and Kidmen and fellow ‘duds’ Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck (Gigli) were together at the time of their screen flop.

However, that makes it even more special when eventually do end happily ever after.

Fear is one of the most potent human emotions that there is; it is rooted in our survival instincts. In the dim distant past fear would have saved many a early human from making that disastrous flip from hunting dinner to being the main course on another’s menu. Of course, modern fears tend to be a little different but if you think it through then they remain, in essence, based on the same strong desire for self-preservation. For example, fear of a broken heart or rejection is based on a desire for emotional self-preservation.

You put your hand in a flame, it burns and the fear of the pain prevents you from doing it again and so it is with relationships. Your ex cheats on you, treats you badly, messes with your head or your heart in anyway and you will carry that baggage over into your next relationship. Worse usually follows because you then find yourself acting (either consciously or unconsciously) in a way that will almost certainly drive your new amore away and fulfill all those promises made by that nagging voice.

One of the primary weapons in the battle against relationship fear is openness. However, this often hits a snag early on since nobody particularly wants to confess all within the first five seconds of meeting somebody new. Opening up is ideally something that should be gradual and should progress along a curve alongside the rest of the relationship. It should however not be stalled by the fear of letting somebody know how you feel; we guard our feelings intensely, sometimes too intensely.

Although fear and insecurity may have it’s rational kernel that doesn’t mean it stays on rational ground. Often it leads us to inflate things out of all proportion; in these cases a ‘just the facts’ approach is the best and but most difficult approach to take. Our instinct’s can often play a misleading and confusing role here. Somebody we know well and have spent a lot of time with is easy for us to read on many different levels however it is very easy to confuse a reading of somebody else with the manifestation and projection of our own fears onto the actions and behavior of another.

Battling your own fears is always said that is easier said than done. However, it is possible and you need to begin by reinforcing your more hopeful side. For example, if you are wondering why your partner chose you since in your own eyes you are patently not good enough then the first thing you need to remember is that your partner chose to be with you for good reasons. If they are not obvious to you then why don’t you simply ask? Caring and considerate partners will be helpful here and provide you with the reassurance that you need.

You should never be ashamed of being afraid of feel that it is somehow ‘stupid’. As I have already stated, fear stems from very real and often very bad experience, and besides it is a state of mind we all occupy and surrender too at sometimes in our lives. However, no matter how powerful it is it need not ruin our lives or our relationships; you can fight your own inner demons and win.

If I had $300 dollars I would buy________.

What would you buy with $300? Or even $200 or $100? Now is your chance to find out! Comment on any 451 Press site during the month of August and you could win! Three comments will be chosen at random to win a cash prize of $300, $200 or $100. The more you comment the more chances you have to win. So start reading and let those fingers fly.

If I had $300 dollars I would buy________.

What would you buy with $300? Or even $200 or $100? Now is your chance to find out! Comment on any 451 Press site during the month of August and you could win! Three comments will be chosen at random to win a cash prize of $300, $200 or $100. The more you comment the more chances you have to win. So start reading and let those fingers fly.

This site is currently in need of a blogger. If you have any interest in blogging about Long Relationships, feel free to submit an application at 451 Press. Thank you.

451 Press, Blogger Needed, Long Relationships

So this is about all I can come up with for today.

I think sweet nothings are underrated. And underrepresented. In a Google search for “origin whisper sweet nothings” I got, well, nothing. I’m curious how they got their famous title, basically because I think it sucks.

Sweet nothings make my day, my week, and they mean more to me than “sweet somethings” — don’t you know money can’t buy me love?

But those poetic mutterings, those statements that I will never quite believe, those work.

I guess I’ll call them sweet nothings. Nothing’s better.

sweet nothings, sweet somethings

When it comes to love and break-up advice, my dad always tells me the same exact thing: If you love something, set it free.

This has always bothered me, mostly because I was in love with things I couldn’t keep in my grips. The old saying concludes: If it comes back, it’s yours, If it doesn’t, it never was yours. It was about three months ago when I finally accepted his sing-song truth he gives when all I want to hear is that the thing I love is mine.

This really is going somewhere, though. I thought my cat ran away last night. As a very new pet owner I felt devastated. I asked the sage himself what to do, and he just told me to go to sleep and look in the morning once it was light out again.

Easy for him to say. Sleeping last night? Not so easy.

As I was ignoring my alarm clock just past 7:30 a.m., my phone rang. It was a call from Chicago: my dad. He gave encouraging catch-all words. “Eddie will be back in a few days,” he said. Apparently his cats would leave periodically when he was a boy, but they always returned.

Just then I heard a bump at the door. It wasn’t the first I heard in my anxiety, I got up out of bed several times last night hoping to see Eddie looking up from the doormat, but each time I arrived the doormat was empty.

Not this morning. There he was. He returned to me. And for some reason, I feel like I owe it all to my dad.

cats, homecoming, disappearance, love