Long Relationships

I had my first ‘boyfriend’ when I was all of twelve years old. I was thrilled when he asked me to be his girlfriend, as I had a crush on him for months and hadn’t said a word to anyone about it. I wrote about him in my diary nearly every day. When he did ask, I tried to play it cool, of course. I wouldn’t want to be a lo-ser.

It lasted a day.

He told me he didn’t want to be together anymore (though we’d spent about a whole hour of the last twenty-four together) and I accepted it. I didn’t feel upset or even angry. In fact, all I could think was, “I can learn from this.”

Even at that tender age I realized that I had been building him up for months into someone he wasn’t. The boy I dreamed about would never break up with me after just a day. (And he was a bit cleaner, too, to be honest.)

I made a promise to myself then and there that, no matter what happened, I would always learn something from any relationships that failed. (Or didn’t really get the chance to start.)

Which brings me to this week’s question…

Love Question 27:

What lessons have you learned in previous relationships that you have brought into your current relationship/will bring into future relationships?

Make sure you leave a link to your answer in the comments section and link to the sites featured with the questions.

If you do answer on your blog, please spread the link love and link to:
Aud from Mom.Dad.Chat
Abbey at Random Thoughts
Jessica at Life to Nowhere

And, of course, I always appreciate your links to me.

Don’t forget to leave me a link in the comments to your response.

Have fun!

Hi all! Time for the Love Question…

I’ve been debating with myself about this idea for a a few weeks because I wasn’t sure if anyone would actually want to do it. But, I figure I can give it a go and hope that everyone has fun in the process.

I talk about relationships of all sorts on this site and, if you’re participating in the Love Questions, you probably at least mention relationships of different kinds on your blog as well. (Or here, if you don’t have a blog.)

Today, the love question isn’t really a question so much as an activity…

Love Question 27…

Have someone you love - partner, best friend, relative - on your blog talking about you and your relationship/friendship.

I know not everyone who participates is in a romantic relationship, so you don’t have to have a partner (even if you do have a special someone) do this. It can be anyone you have a positive relationship with.

This can also be any sort of post. You can interview your friend/spouse/relative about your relationship, have them guest post, have a conversation post (just remember to each pick a color for your text so we can tell who is saying what!) or anything else. Let your imagination run wild.

Hopefully we can all have a lot of fun with this one. Here is an example of my husband writing about our relationship.

Make sure you leave a link to your answer in the comments section and link to the sites featured with the questions.

If you do answer on your blog, please spread the link love and link to:
Aud from Mom.Dad.Chat
Abbey at Random Thoughts
Jessica at Life to Nowhere

And, of course, I always appreciate your links to me.

Don’t forget to leave me a link in the comments to your response.

Have fun!

Hi all! Time for the Love Question…

Today I have been thinking about the past. Namely, my high school days. I grew up (but wasn’t really friends with) a very sweet girl - I’ll call her Molly. Molly was quiet, a little shy, always polite and ready to help out… I wouldn’t be surprised if she ended up like some Disney movie and suddenly found out surprise, you’re a princess.

Molly dated one guy through high school. She didn’t date before him and, by the time we parted ways, had never broken up and dated other people. For all I know, they are probably married now.

For the purposes of the love question, let’s pretend that they did get married not long after she graduated.

I think it’s quite romantic and all to have a love last over the years, but…

Love Question 26…

Do you think it’s healthy/unhealthy to marry the only person you have ever dated? Does it matter if a person marries their first love?

Remember, the whole thing is going to work completely the same, just in a different location. I would like to start the link love going again for this as well, so make sure you leave a link to your answer in the comments section and link to the sites featured with the questions.

If you do answer on your blog, please spread the link love and link to Aud from Short Sweet Love Poems who got the Love Questions going and to Abbey at Random Thoughts.

Don’t forget to leave me a link in the comments to your response.

Have fun!

xkcd.com

I love xkcd.com. Humor for nerds at some of its finest. With stick people no less. I highly recommend you go to the site, start at the beginning comic and then go through them all. And while you’re at it, maybe check out Questionable Content too.

Ahem. Anyway…

I read this comic and had a chuckle, but then inspiration for this week’s love question struck.

We all have our disagreements in relationships; that’s just part of the whole relationship thing – romantic relationship or otherwise. If we made friends with and loved people who were only exactly like us, things would get so boring. So we have conflict. Times when we just rub each other the wrong way. But we usually work it out and go back to the positive relationship we so enjoy.

But sometimes we don’t.

For this week’s question, I would like to know:

What, if anything, would you not compromise on even if it could mean the end of your relationship?

Remember, the whole thing is going to work completely the same, just in a different location. I would like to start the link love going again for this as well, so make sure you leave a link to your answer in the comments section and link to the sites featured with the questions.

Last week, everyone who answered did so in the comments, so I’m going to ask that this week, if you do answer on your blog, you link to Aud from Short Sweet Love Poems who got the Love Questions going. Don’t forget to leave me a link in the comments.

Have fun!

Hi everyone! I hope you are all having a lovely week.

It’s time again for the Love Question of the week, but things have changed a little since last time…

Things are going to run a bit differently today because, as I mentioned, I have volunteered to take over the duties of posting the weekly Love Question from Aud. She’s taking a little break from the weekly meme, and I couldn’t be more happy to take over.

The whole thing is going to work completely the same, just in a different location. I would like to start the link love going again for this as well, so make sure you leave a link to your answer in the comments section and link to the sites featured with the questions.

On to the question…

Blogging is huge. You don’t need me to tell you that. Thousands of people blog and many of those people have multiple blogs. I write on blogs professionally as well as maintain personal blogs.

When it comes to blogging about your life and relationships, it’s easy to succumb to the temptation of revealing all. Everything from in the bedroom to at work, a blog can be a great way to get it all out there. I know people who get down to the nitty gritty of everything – including their relationship with their partners/spouses – on their blog.

But just because you can doesn’t mean you should. So, for Love Question 24, I want to know:

Do you/would you blog about personal things that include other people? Where do you draw the line (if anywhere) for what is and isn’t too personal?

I’m quite interested to read everybody’s answers.

This week, make sure you link to Aud, who got this whole thing started over on Short Sweet Love Poems.

Thank you to everyone who participates.

I’m not even back a week and I’m already behind. How is that for not changing bad habits. Ha!

I thought I would be a couple questions behind for Short Sweet Love Poems’ Love Questions, but it seems she is taking a little holiday herself, so I only have this one to catch up on. Come back soon Aud! I like the Love Qs too much to leave them be.

This week’s Love Q is focused on the ladies. Just a simple general question that have to do with your own preferences when it comes to men.

Don’t be greedy and tell me you want both, ok? Just for fun, pick one and tell me why one is better than the other for you.

Oh, I don’t have to be greedy with this one! Funnily enough, I answered this question when I was young and I have never wavered in my answer:

Brains

Oh, brawn is wonderful, of course, and I have been fortunate enough to find a man of high intelligence who is eye candy as well, but I have been decided on brains since I was first interested in boys/men.

My logic is this: If the world came to some catastrophe, a man with brawn could protect me from harm (if I needed protecting). However, a man with brawn can not only think of ways to protect us both but also ways to survive. If there is anything he/we couldn’t do ourselves, a man with brains could come up with ways to get the jobs done.

So yes, definitely brains.

How about you?

JM: My, my, Oedipus, we have a strange question this week from Short Sweet Love Poems.
Oedipus: What’s so strange about it?
JM: Being attracted to your partner because they have features similar to your opposite sex pa…rent… Oh.
Oedipus: What?

This week’s question:

Recently, I read an article which states that Hungarian scientists found that we tend to end up with mates that resemble our opposite-sex parent. Dividing the face into various facial zones, the researches discovered similarities between a woman’s partner and her dad as well as between a man’s mate and his mom. Of course, they won’t look exactly alike but the point is there are similarities in certain features or facial zones.

Does your partner looks like your opposite-sex parent in any way? Which particular part of the face are the features similar, if any?

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be with a man who was taller than me. I didn’t much care about the rest of it – though I had my preferences like anyone else – but he had to be taller than me. That didn’t change as I slowly grew and eventually got to being as tall (I think a bit taller) than my father.

Even though we met on the net, I got my wish with my husband and much more. He’s not like my father at all. He’s tall, athletic, with green-blue eyes (they switch on any given day), and sandy hair. My father is short (for a guy), stocky, kind of just a tank of a man without being all that overweight, with dark hair.

So no go with this one, I’m afraid.

That being said, it’s entirely possible that my ‘father’ isn’t actually my biological father. It would be interesting to find out.

How about you and your partner?

Once again, I am late with this one. But then again, I don’t think anyone is really paying THAT much attention (are you?) to the dates I post things on. I’ve been flat out (still – never really stopped) and am starting to go into a bit of a panic mode because next week is my last full week to get work and such done before I am off and travelling. Ack. There’s never enough time to do everything.

But enough with my complaining. It’s time for Love Question 21:

“Albert Camus once said, “Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never.” I think many people can certainly relate to this rule - that it is hard to be mates with your ex.

For this week’s Love Q #21, let’s take a look at this issue: Is it advisable to maintain a great friendship with an ex? Would that friendship be worth it or would it complicates matters?”

Talk about your loaded questions…

This one is completely situational. Absolutely and completely. I don’t think a blanket answer could begin to do this one justice.

There are so many factors to consider like: How does the new partner feel about it? Does the ex still have feelings for the partner? Does the partner – whether s/he realizes it or not – still have feelings for the ex? How intense is the friendship – the occasional phone call might be fine but stopping by for a Friday movie night might now be. And there is plenty more to consider beyond that.

Personally, I would never force my husband to end a friendship. I would present my side of things, explain where I’m coming from, and then leave it to him. He’s a bit of an oblivious bloke when it comes to women’s attentions, though, so I would make it very, very clear how I felt.

What do you think?

Why don’t we take a break from discussing ages and answer this week’s Love Question from Short Sweet Love Poems?

As always, feel free to discuss in the comments and/or link to your blog where you have answered the question.

In a relationship, there are bound to be areas that are sore points for both people. For instance, your partner may not take your views on his family too kindly and on the other hand, you may not like him bringing up a past incident in your life.

For Love Q #19: Do you think avoiding a touchy topic helps or hinders a relationship?

This is another one of those where the line is drawn in different places for different couples. In general, though, I think it depends on the topic, how it got to be a touchy topic and how direct of an influence it has on a relationship.

For instance, take the topic of having children. That can have a huge influence on the relationship and could severely hinder things if left alone for the sake of keeping the peace. However, if you both agree on the having/not having children but it got to be a pushy topic because one partner natters on about it endlessly, then the partner in question would be doing the relationship a favor by stepping off it for a while.

I hope I’m making sense.

In the end, it all depends on the circumstances. In the past I would have said that you need to talk about as much as you can, but I have since learned the value of leaving well enough alone to keep the peace when discussion doesn’t solve anything.

It’s that time again and we have another interesting question from Short Sweet Love Poems. Given the answers to the previous questions, I’m curious to see what people have to say about this one.

If you answered on your blog, leave a link in the comments here. If you don’t have a blog, then join in the discussion here and check out the main page (linked above) for comments from other participants.

This week’s question:

In many relationships, it comes a point when the thought of marriage will creep into the picture for the woman. She longs for the commitment and security of a married life with the one she loves but unfortunately, the man may not have the same thought yet.

So for Love Q #18: How do you feel about a woman proposing to a man? For those women out there, would you be comfortable doing so if you truly feel you are ready for marriage?

I don’t feel much of anything, to be honest. If she wants to do it, then why not?

I suppose I’m old fashioned in many ways, but in this, I don’t think it’s a big deal or particularly scandalous if the woman wants to ask the man to marry her.

The only thing about this would be, for me, that you know your man well before deciding to pop the question. (Yes, you should know him well for marriage sake, but bear with me…) If you’re with the kind of guy who likes to be ‘the man’ then he might not take you proposing very well.

But had my husband not asked first, I would have asked. No drama.

And now for this week’s question from Short Sweet Love Poems.

Usually, in the early days of a relationship or marriage, buying each other gifts especially on certain occasions is a must. We take the trouble and the time to shop for a gift to make it really special.

So, for Love Q #17, let me pose this: Do you think buying gifts is important in a relationship? And do you expect a gift from your partner now and then?

Oh, this one should get some interesting responses.

I don’t think gift buying in a relationship is as important as simply showing you care. If you show you care by buying gifts, then so be it, but that’s not the only thing you can do. We place a lot of importance on material things these days, so it’s certainly not surprising that gift giving has been moved out of the ‘ways to show you care’ into its own category.

I definitely don’t expect gifts from my partner, except for maybe on Christmas. Otherwise, not at all. Heck, I even forgot about my birthday a couple weeks ago until my husband mentioned that he need to do some ‘by himself’ shopping.

He’s bought me things, brought home flowers, etc, but to be honest, I’m more impressed and happy when he cooks dinner or runs me a hot bath. It doesn’t cost a thing but it shows he’s thinking about me and cares.

As you know, I’m running a little behind on things, so this question is actually from last week. It’s an interesting question, though, and I would like to take the time to answer it.

Love Question 16:

These days, for every marriage almost half ends in divorce. People no longer treat marriage as a ’till-death-do-us-part’ arrangement unlike the past. Instead when things get rough, divorce is a very viable option because a divorcee no longer faces any social stigmas associated with a failed marriage.

So, for Love Q #16: Is the idea of marriage outdated?

How to begin this one…

It’s my opinion that the news, newspapers, etc play up the sad and dramatic stories because they know that’s what will draw people in. In many places, crime has gone down and yet people are more afraid to go out of their homes than ever. That’s because crime gets reported; people (like cops) doing their jobs well doesn’t get reported.

So while the world is certainly changing and marriage isn’t quite the concrete building it used to be, I don’t think it has yet passed into the realm of ‘outdated’. Marriage is more than just ‘sticking with someone’ no matter what. It’s commitment, bonding, a declaration of love, and so much more (if you want it to be).

The idea that marriage is meant to keep you together forever? Yeah, perhaps that is becoming ignored, if not outdated. Marriage, the whole thing and all its meanings, outdated? Not quite yet.

It’s that time again this week and Short Sweet Love Poems has another thought-provoking question for us to answer. If you answer these questions on your own blog, be sure to leave me a link in the comments.

In many relationships, people grow out of love. They change along the way with one partner drifting further and further away from the other on an emotional level.

It is a sad situation but I think it is also a reality among many married couples today.

My question to you this week for Love Q #15: Should couples stay together for the sake of the kids when love is no longer present? Can it work?

While I have no doubt it can work at a functional level, I don’t believe couples should stay together just for the kids.

It’s no secret that the things we observe in childhood influence us as adults. It’s been proven in studies (you’re going to have to take my word for it because I can’t find the study I have in mind) that we are attracted to people with similar backgrounds. With those things working for most of us in our relationships, we’re likely to repeat what our parents have done in both good and bad things.

While you could argue that divorce might lead to a higher chance of divorce for the children, isn’t demonstrating doing what is good for people involved is better than staying in situations simply for the sake of others? The children may not understand at the time, but if you are open and honest about what is going on, they eventually will.

What do you think?

I was wondering when the topic of money was going to come up…

From Short Sweet Love Poems…

Let’s talk about money this week, shall we?

There are certainly pros and cons to this issue. For instance, if you pool your money together, you are taking steps to save for the future. On the other hand, if you have separate accounts, there is not much pressure to account for money spent which may be better for the relationship as a whole.

For Love Q #14, let me pose this: Should you have a joint account with your partner? And should you keep tabs on what he or she may be spending on?

I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary in a relationship to have a joint account with your partner. I do with my partner in part because we needed ways to prove that I was really here for good in my Spousal Visa application. It’s also convenient in that our shared account is our shared expenses account – like groceries. I can pick things up, he can, or we can.

I think what is important is not to have *only* a joint account. You need to have your own personal account as well for freedom and a sense of privacy.

I don’t think you should keep tabs, but that’s a matter of trust in the relationship. My husband trusts me to pay my bills (student loan, medical) with what I earn. I trust my husband to pay our household bills with what he earns. The rest goes in our shared account, and a little bit to each of our personal accounts.

Keeping tabs is, I think, a way of saying you don’t trust the person. And if you can’t be open and honest even along the lines of, “I use about $__ a month just for comfort stuff for me” and be open for discussion, then something is wrong there.

We have another good question this week from Short Sweet Love Poems that could get a bit interesting…

When we first start out on a relationship, we will usually try to look our best. We will think a little (or a lot) of what to wear, which perfume to put on and so on. After a while, though, when the excitement has died down and we start to get comfortable in the relationship, many tend to slack on their appearance.

Which brings me to Love Q #13:

Does appearance matter in a relationship? Should you always try to look your best for your date?

This is a fun one. I reckon that on the first date, you should go somewhere that you’ll get really messy. Paintballing, four-wheeling, etc. It breaks the ice quite nicely, getting down and dirty (not in a naughty way) on the first date.

That being said, appearances to matter to a certain extent. While I think constant ‘flawlessness’ is a bit much to expect of anyone (and could border on an obsessive compulsive disorder), I also think that your appearance tells other people how much you care about yourself.

No one wants to be with someone with really bad hygiene and neither does anybody want to be with people who don’t care about themselves in general. If you can’t muster up the energy to care about yourself, can you really maintain a healthy relationship?

I’d love to hear what you think. Leave your comments here or leave me a link to your blog where you answered the question.

Have a great day!