Long Relationships

Hello everyone! Last week I had the pleasure of reviewing Leslie Oren’s online dating guide. I am very pleased to say Ms. Oren was willing to do an interview with me!

Please join me in welcoming her to Long Relationships.

Hello and thank you for stopping at Long Relationships, Ms. Oren. Tell us a bit about yourself.

• I’m originally from New York, but have lived in Los Angeles for the last 18 years. I actually started out in the music business, then segued into PR – working for national agencies at first, and then for the Hollywood studios. I’m currently senior vice president, publicity, for Fox Television Studios, one of several studios at Fox that develops and produces television shows.

You’ve written the book Fine, I’ll Go Online! The Hollywood Publicist’s Guide to Successful Internet Dating. Did you ever think that you would someday be giving women all over the world dating advice?

• No, I can’t say that I saw that one coming!

What or who caused you to take that final leap and turn all the advice you’d been giving into a book?

• It actually happened quite organically. I started dating online about six years ago and had a lot of success doing it – meaning that I consistently met quality men with whom I had fun dates. Some were just basic first or second dates – nothing to write home about, but still perfectly pleasant – but some turned into more substantial relationships. As I talked about these experiences with friends, I started to realize that the nuts and bolts that seem necessary for successful online dating were things I did automatically by virtue of my job as an entertainment publicist. For example, I knew how to “pitch,” which means I knew how to write those first “grabby” emails and responses to potential dates.

I also knew how to present myself online in a compelling way, which means I knew it was important to post attractive, flattering photos that also were accurate, and knew it was vital to describe myself in a way that went beyond the generic or the cliché. Once I made that realization, I wanted to share the strategies with other women. At first, I tried out the advice casually with a few friends. When they started seeing good results, I got serious about writing a book.

What was the research like? Did it all come from personal experiences or did you also go out and talk to people about their online dating experiences?

• Most everything in the book comes from my own experiences. However, I spoke to many friends and acquaintances – male and female – about their online dating experiences, too – what tripped them up, what worked for them, etc. It was very important for me to get that feedback, especially from men.

I think one of the most important pieces of advice you give to women is to not lie. What would you say your most important piece of advice is?

• That’s a big one for me too – don’t lie!! It’s probably the best advice I give in the book because I believe it’s the most empowering. Being honest – which, by the way, doesn’t mean revealing everything – stops people from sending the message to themselves that they’re not OK as they are, and that they have to lie in order for others to be interested in them. The other piece of advice that I think is valuable is to rethink the definition of “success” online. Use the online landscape to take the pressure off the long-term goals of dating. Count every positive outing as a success and a reason to keep going. This not only helps perpetuate good energy which results in more online dates, it encourages that attitude out in the offline world, too.

One of the things I enjoyed about your book is that I can apply a lot of the advice you give in other areas such as résumés and job interviews. Are there any more plans for Hollywood publicist’s guides in the future?

• I’m getting that question a lot! I definitely have plans for a second book – we’ll see if it evolves into another Hollywood Publicist’s Guide. That’s definitely a possibility.

A lot of authors I talk to have busy lives and someone working as a publicist would certainly be no exception! How did you find time to write? (And date, for that matter.)

• That was challenging. It all came down to discipline. My job keeps me pretty busy during the week, and the hours can be long, so writing at night on the weekdays was not very productive for me. Primarily, I wrote every weekend for about 10 months to finish the entire first manuscript. And, yes, it’s ironic: I dated very little during the time I wrote the book. But I jumped right back in when it was finished!

Do you have any more words of advice to ladies thinking about taking a dip in the online dating pool?

• Know that online dating is a great and very efficient way to date. There is no stigma. It’s not a commentary on your ability to find dates through what we used to call “normal” means like meeting at a party or function, or being fixed up on blind dates. Be proud that you’re exploring all the available methods to find a healthy relationship and – we hope – true love.

Thank you very much for your time.