Long Relationships

I know I am posting this a little late, but I think you all will forgive me. (Right? I’m offering y’all chocolate…)

I couldn’t have asked for a better anniversary. I truly couldn’t. The entire day was absolutely wonderful and full of wonderful surprises.

We began the day by exchanging gifts before we got out of bed. Funnily enough, we both had each others presents tucked away in our bedside dressers. We then got out of bed and ready to go because we had a reservation…

I had no idea where we were going and my husband had a lot of fun taking me through the heart of Melbourne so I wouldn’t know where we were going.

It turns out my lovely husband made reservations at the place where we ate breakfast the morning after we were married: Café Sweethearts. We enjoyed a lovely breakfast and he surprised me yet again when they brought out a small cake for us to share.

We were going to go for a walk in the park, but the weather didn’t cooperate so we went home and relaxed for a while. After that it was off to the movies to see The Bucket List (which is good, by the way). After that, we went over to the pub to spend some time with friends and have a celebratory drink.

We topped the night off by going home, getting in our comfortable pajamas, and relaxing the rest of the night away.

I am definitely a happy, content wife.

***This post is part of the 100 Comments Contest. Click on the link for more information on how you can win.***

This is another one of those posts where I reveal just how newly married my husband and I are…

I feel like I have been running behind on pretty much everything this week, and I have been hurrying to not only try to catch up but also get ahead. Even with all the work thoughts swimming through my head, one thing has been on my mind for the past couple of weeks…

My first wedding anniversary.

This queen of giving presents and creating a good time for people has found herself intimidated a bit by the prospect of the first wedding anniversary. I also have the feeling my husband is as well, poor guy.

I would like to make the day (and night) very special and memorable, but I’m curious as to what other people have done for their anniversaries. What other people have done to celebrate the occasion.

So, this is a call out to everyone who has been married for more than a year (or celebrating wedding-like anniversaries yearly): What did you do on your first wedding anniversary? Did you exchange presents? Go on a holiday? Spend the day in bed?

Yes, I have ulterior motives in asking – I reckon the more ideas I have, the better the chances I have of giving my husband a day/night he will never forget. So if you’d like to help me with ideas that you haven’t done yourself, feel free to leave those in the comments as well!

As much as I hate the way we tend to commercialize every aspect of life these days, I think this is actually a pretty good idea…

According to this article from the Los Angeles Times, a new fad is starting up with couples: road testing relationships with icebreaker vacations. These getting to know you trips are becoming the norm.

More and more couples are going on short holidays together, and the hotel and tourism industries are definitely beginning to notice. Fairmont, a chain of hotels, has begun offering specific packages designed just for new couples which include things like romantic dinners and adventure outings.

And why not? You get the opportunity to ‘live’ together for a while without having been put out time and hard work if the relationship doesn’t work. While the Fairmont (and the others who follow suit) are undoubtedly making a lot of money, it is helping couples test the waters of their relationships in what I think is a sensible way.

My first holiday with my husband was a week long and about three months after I arrived in Australia. While we knew each other quite well from our online dating and then time spent physically together, there were still a few things I learned about him while travelling. And he learned about me as well – especially about how much sight-seeing I can do before I get exhausted.

What do you think? Do you wish you would have had a holidate/icebreaker vacation with your partner or your previous partners? Do you think it would have made a difference?

Sometimes, you just have to take some time away.

Couples sometimes forget that relationships to involve work. Work is a term we associate with certain non-relationship things, though, so we forget. We forget that changing for people is work. Learning to communicate more effectively is work. Balancing work, love, family, and friendship is work.

There is a lot of work involved in relationships, but the benefits of work are some of the greatest you’ll ever experience.

Then again, you don’t really need me to tell you that, do you?

On the subject of taking time away, that’s probably one of the things couples do less and less these days. There are so many responsibilities, and with rising costs, taking time off work and spending money for pleasure doesn’t always seem the most practical thing to do.

However, it is necessary to remember that work and money aren’t nearly as important as the relationships we have – and often take for granted.

Having had a bit of a stressful time lately, both with work and home life, my husband and I are taking advantage of the long holiday and are going camping.

Yes, you say, that may be all fine and well with you, but I have responsibilities.

Yes, any holiday brings with it responsibility and you might not be able to get away. However, if you’re the one hosting dinner, egg hunt, etc and it’s nothing but a stress for you (and thus for your partner), then you might want to ask why you’re doing it.

A lot of us impose responsibilities on ourselves because self-expectation and family expectations. But in the end, the pendulum of care has to swing back towards ‘me’ sometimes.

Weigh your options this week and figure out the best time to take some time away with your partner.

Last night I woke up in the early hours. Rather, my husband woke me up because I had been making noise while trying to get out of a horrible, horrible nightmare.

I won’t get into the details of the nightmare because it still has the power to upset me even in the daylight. Just trust me when I said it caused true blind terror and had me sobbing.

My husband woke me up and I immediately began sobbing, clinging to him and looking around the bedroom to reassure myself that I had indeed got out of the nightmare. My husband comforted me and slowly got me to calm down, which was a huge feat if I do say so.

What does this have to do with long relationships?

It’s in moments like these that I truly realize how much I love my husband. I love him in part because I know I can be weak in front of him, and he won’t hold it against me. I can cry and cling to him while I calm down and he’ll run his fingers through my hair, whispering loving words.

I can have him walk me to the bathroom in the middle of the night and not feel like an idiot the next day.

Today has been a day of concern and caring from my husband. We have discussed possible meanings and reasons for the nightmare (long story) and I’m feeling calm along with completely in love with him.

That, I believe, is a sign of an excellent long relationship.

As Valentines Day draws closer, I can’t help but think of the couples who must spend the lovely day apart. Some are separated by a few hours and some are separated by whole countries.

Some get separated for a few days and some for a few months.
Be it the Army or work, there are a lot of things that can mean time away from each other for couples.

Time separated can be a breath of fresh air sometimes, but separations that happen often and/or for long lengths of time can put a lot of stress on a couple.

Last year my husband and I put in my spousal visa and we didn’t know if I would be forced to leave the country while the application was being processed (due to timing) or if I would be able to stay while things were being sorted out.

The prospect of being separated for an unknown amount of time scared me so much and sent me into tears many nights.

Thankfully, I got to stay in the country and everything worked out. Unfortunately, things don’t work so well for other couples.

Always remember that there are things you can do to stay close to your partner even when s/he is not physically with you:

1. Email!
2. Postal letters
3. Phone calls (and phone sex)
4. If the above things aren’t possible, for every day your loved one is away, write a love letter. That way, when s/he comes home, s/he has a whole pile of love letters to read.

Global warming. Starvation. Pollution. Illness. Bills. Work. Kids. School. More and more debt. To think, they said computers would reduce the amount of paperwork in the world…

Today’s world is often unkind to the couple and the family. Yes, there are tax breaks and school supplies sales but those things only try to soften the blows, not prevent the problems.

That’s why you, as one half of a couple, need to take an active role in creating and maintaining the long lasting, healthy relationship you want. If you’re not willing to work on your relationship, how can you expect to find anyone else who is willing to work for you?

It’s been shown in many studies (the most popular being Harry Harlow’s rhesus monkeys experiment) that having physical contact is very important for bonding – especially in childhood.

If you’re in a long relationship, you’re no longer a child, but that doesn’t mean physical bonding is any less important. For this weekend’s homework, I would like you to take some time for physical bonding.

No, I don’t mean sex.

Take some time this weekend to cuddle with your partner. On the couch, on the bed, anywhere you like as long as you can hold and caress each other. You can talk, watch television or take a nap if you want.

The important thing about this is to have that physical contact. The physical bonding. Don’t force it, but try to take note of how you feel afterwards. You should have at least a slightly elevated mood.

November is almost over, and we all know what that means – Christmas season has arrived. It’s time to start planning the next big gathering and figuring out what do to for the special people in your lives.

If you’re someone who gets a little stuck trying to figure out gifts, I have a few suggestions that should help you get started in your Christmas shopping. Many of them work for men and women, so you’ll have plenty ideas to choose from.

• Take some time to pay attention to what things your partner pauses to look at in the shops. S/he might not want that exact items, but you will get clues as to what s/he would like to receive.
• Bath supplies. Things such as bubble bath and bath bombs are an excellent gift idea. If you know your partner’s favourite scents, that’s even better. If you don’t – that’s okay. Try to stick to natural scents like vanilla or fruit scents, and make sure the scent is light and not too strong.
• Books. Books are fun and a good idea. Check out your partner’s bookshelves and/or what they are currently reading. This will give you a clue about their favourite genres and authors.
• Office supplies. These are useful gifts that you can make into something special. There are a lot of companies out there who provide personalized office supplies like post-it notes and note pads for reasonable prices. You can also choose to do something along the lines of an engraved pen or letter opener. Useful and special is a good way to go.
• IOU tickets. This may seem cheesy, but it’s still a sweet gesture. Create a book of IOU tickets with things like:
o IOU a night doing the dishes
o IOU a hug and a kiss
o IOU a candlelit dinner
o IOU a hot bubble bath
• Lingerie. Now, this can be a lot of fun and very sexy, but it can get you in a lot of trouble. Know for sure your partner’s sizes before you attempt this one.
• Movie night. Movie nights are awesome can be cheap as for pricing as well. Get a couple of your partner’s favourite movies along with some popcorn or other theatre treats. You can even get a thin blanket for you both to cuddle under while you watch television
• Gift baskets. Do you have a bunch of little things but no idea what to do for a big gift? Buy a cool basket or box and make a gift basket. There’s nothing quite like the fun people have when they dig through a gift basket.

And finally, if you really can’t think of anything, gift cards are okay to mix in as a present. Just make sure you know your partner’s favourite shops.

*
If you have a writer or book love in your life, be sure to check out my gift ideas on Fiction Scribe and The Book Stacks

Don’t worry; it’s not nearly as bad or weird as you think it might be.

Yesterday I talked about your significant other being under stress and what you can do to help your partner when s/he is stressed. (Those are also things you can do for yourself too, by the way, just in case you didn’t think of that.)

As you may have guessed by the title of this post, one thing I didn’t mention yesterday and am going to talk about today is meditating with your partner.

Despite what some people say, meditation isn’t all about saying “ooohm”, sitting cross-legged, and wearing as little clothing as possible. (Note: Meditate naked if you want. Whatever works for you and your partner.) You can meditate lying down, standing up, or even on your hands and knees if you want. The key is being comfortable.

You can also have music – calm music, though – candles, a dark or light room. Honestly, meditation is about creating an environment that will bring you peace and calm. This can be a little glitch in couples’ meditation, but you both can work something out.

Set a time for you and your partner to go to a place you won’t be interrupted (if possible) and get in comfortable positions. Take some time to do some deep breathing. Count from one to six as you breathe in and one to six as you breathe out.

Being together in silence can tell a lot about your relationship. It can either calm you both down and give you some together time, or it can make you uncomfortable. If it makes you uncomfortable, you two might need to talk about the possible reasons why.

Hopefully, though, it will a peaceful time for you both to calm down and simply be together without the distractions of the world.