Better Than Being In Love
When JG and I were dating, I remember asking myself if I was in love. I also remember feeling guilty because I didn’t know. Wasn’t that a bad sign? I felt like I was missing out on some grandiose sensation, during which music should swell and slow-motion should take effect. I approached our relationship rather pragmatically – as I did with most other issues – so I looked for evidence that would help me come to a conclusion. What did “being in love� entail? What were the behaviors involved? What criteria would lead to a positive result?
But then, I wasn’t sure I even wanted to be in love. I polled my college friends about this concept and they all described fluffy feelings that weren’t attractive to me at all. I didn’t want my head in the clouds, my feet walking on air, or my heart leaping all the time. It sounded rather like being under the influence, if you asked me.
Finally, I asked JG if he thought he was in love with me and what he even thought that meant. He considered my (rather loaded) question for a little while and said, “I don’t think it matters whether I’m in love. I just know that I love you.�
Huh. Well, that was an answer I didn’t expect, but I appreciated it much more than any alternatives I had considered.
See, falling in love simply happens to someone. It’s a passive activity, like falling into a pool. It’s a mistake, not intentional. Loving someone, however, is a conscious decision. It’s an active state of caring for another person to the extent that one’s actions change to that end. It’s diving into the pool.
These days, I don’t care whether I’m in love; I know that I love JG and I’m trying everyday to show that to him.
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May 11th, 2007 at 9:54 am
Awww.
Simply stated yet so loaded. JG is one smart guy.
Yes, he is. I know how to pick ‘em!
- RA
June 25th, 2007 at 7:58 am
[...] months ago, RA wrote a post on this topic for a relationship blog (she’s no longer a contributor, but you can check her [...]
July 24th, 2007 at 3:08 am
You write really well.
It’s terrific that you’ve found someone very special. Congratulations.