Long Relationships

So, who’s house do you go to for the holidays? You split the years, split the holidays, or [worst] are stuck going in between two homes on Christmas or Thanksgiving. Either way, contact with the in-laws is inevitable. If you’re one of the lucky ones that has charming in-laws–stop reading this article now and go count your blessings. If you feel every muscle in your body tense up when you enter the in-law inner circle, unclench long enough to finish this article.

1. Hopefully you aren’t banking on creating a good relationship in this one day. If you haven’t sent the requisite birthday cards, thank you notes (that reminds me…), invites to dinner, remembrances for special occasions then you’re likely to begin in the hole before you even walk in the room. If you feel like it’s too early in the relationship for you to be sending cards, to the in-laws then function as the elegant woman in the background. Remind your SO of special dates, occasions and birthdays. If he was always good about it before he met you and suddenly stops, it will be one short leap to blaming you for the demise of good will.

2. Steer clear of any gossiping that goes on. I personally don’t care to indulge in this at all, but especially with people I barely have a history with. Don’t pick sides if you can help it. Picking sides says many things about you, but “likeable diplomat” isn’t one of them.

3. Don’t voice any objections to the favorite sporting team of the host, even if you believe with everything you are that they will NOT make it to the Super Bowl…..ever.

4. If you sense disparate political or religious views, tread carefully. The best course of action when listening to someone who believes so strongly in their views is to listen. Don’t get into a heated debate before the spinach dip is gone.

5. If you are a guest in the in-law’s home, ask beforehand if you might bring something (even if it’s rolls or drinks). If they do not want you to bring anything, offer your help when you arrive. Some cooks work well when they are the only one in the kitchen though, so if your offer of help is declined, take note. Do something else useful like setting the table or entertaining the little ones.

6. If you are hosting the holiday, do your best to leave a few little tasks that can busy early arriving guests. Or, plan an activity that can occur before dinner to busy those that do not care to help. Some examples of tasks are setting the table, slicing bread, making dips or other appetizers, or making drinks. Some activity ideas include holiday bingo or caroling.

7. Most importantly, be kind, thoughtful and considerate of those around you. It is the spirit of the season, after all. You’d be surprised how well people warm up to little kindnesses this time of year.

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