Long Relationships

Don’t judge a book by its cover. Sounds familiar? My question is why not? The cover is the first thing you see. Your reaction to it will either prompt you to pick up the book for a closer examination or move on to the next book-one with a more appealing cover. And similarly, in the dating game in the good old days the first way we judged a potential mate was by their looks. When offered a blind date by well-meaning friends, we’d ask: “What does s/he looks like?â€? Short hair or long? Blond or brunette? Tall, short or in-between? Etc…

Now we have cyber dating, and often the first impression isn’t a photo but a series of written posts, like a short chapter in the book of life. It is sort of scary if you think about it. With instant messaging, we can pour out our hearts before we have time to consider where all our confessions and secrets will end up. In the heat of the moment, we click “send� and it’s all over. For good or bad, our words are out there, available to perfect and imperfect strangers for cyber eternity.

We should treat our messages as our book covers, and try to make a good first impression. Pay attention to your word choices because you never know who is out there, lurking and reading and soaking it all up. Words are our new images; we can create an aura of mystery or a feeling of cheerfulness simply by what we write.

Don’t believe me? Consider this post:

“You: Love to dance to moonlight, sip champagne on the back porch swing, hike in the desert and the pines, sail to faraway places, and work up to the first kiss slowly. Me: All of the above, plus love telling jokes badly, playing the piano middling well, making excellent homemade wine, and making that first kiss one for the record books.�

Now, doesn’t that pique your interest if you’re a guy, and impress you if you’re a gal? Well that’s the idea!

Now consider this post:

“I’ve met all the Mr. Wrongs but know, Mr. Right, that you’re out there. I’m in great shape even without exercise. Mr. Right will be financially secure, patient, cheerful, and like macrobiotic foods. He won’t be scared off by looney relatives or be commitment phobic. He’ll treat me like a princess and I’ll treat him like a prince.�

If this post doesn’t make your alarm bells go off, you’re either naïve or enjoy risky endeavors. Not that there is anything wrong with having loony relatives, or eating macrobiotic foods – it’s just not necessarily material for your book cover! Let the love of your life discover these things after you’ve impressed him with your sense of humor and thoughtfulness.

Our dating profiles and words are our advertisements in the world of the Internet. The good news is, we control the source. And in general, if your instant message to a group is interesting, the rest of the crowd will pick up your thread in which case, you control the source and the followers. That sounds pretty good. Actually, I think I’ll try it.

One day a week I’m going to use instant messaging, but only using words that make people, or at least me, smile. I’ll write things like, “My new puppy took her purple monkey to bed with her,� or “I’m craving chocolate and champagne and sunset at the beach.� These mini-celebrations of life should attract healthy, happy people. And, if some grumpy soul writes back, “Your dog needs obedience training right away,� or “Gee, doesn’t chocolate give you cellulite?� I’ll know who not t o meet at the dog park or the Godiva shop.

Minor things can become moments of great revelation when encountered for the first time

Margot Fontey