Long Relationships

Author Edythe Denkin will be joining us here tomorrow with a guest post about her book Relationship Magic. Before she stops by, here is a little bit about her.

Edythe Denkin, PhD, is a Certified Marriage Counselor. Her most recent book, Relationship Magic, is a set of tools in parable form for those wanting to keep or rekindle the love and communication in their relationships. Dr. Denkin understands that “Happily Ever After� does not just come naturally. It takes communication, honesty, and empathy. This book is based on her work with Imago Relationship Theory.

The host of “Catch Your Kids Doing Things Right,� a four-part television series in which she taught many of her techniques to a wide audience, she has been trained and certified as an Imago Relationship Therapist by Dr. Harville Hendrix, best-selling author of Getting The Love You Want, et al.

Edythe is also the author of Why Can’t You Catch Me Being Good?, a best-selling book from Adams Media that shows how to raise self-confident and well-behaved children.
Edythe has embraced a spiritual quest and a personal calling to help people find their childhood triggers and help them reclaim their emotional freedom and happiness.

A graduate of Temple University, Denkin began her career as an Elementary School teacher. She went on to receive her Masters Degree in Elementary Education from the University of Bridgeport, and her PhD from Walden University. She has over thirty years experience as a therapist and relationship expert, specializing in marriage and child therapy, and is also a teacher, coach and motivational speaker.

She is a member of the Institute For Relationship Therapy and the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Dr. Denkin was recently honored by the University of Bridgeport with a Most Distinguished Alumni Award.

Click the more tag to read an excerpt of her book.

Chapter 1
A Marriage in Peril

Once upon a time in the faraway kingdom of Lavonia, there lived a young prince named James. Prince James was kind and generous. He showed great promise as a future ruler of the kingdom. The royal family lived in splendor in a beautiful castle. The lavish balls and ceremonies of state were a continued source of admiration and wonder for the citizens of the kingdom and visiting dignitaries. Prince James received the best education and all the material wealth that befit a young prince. He grew tall and strong. The citizens of Lavonia felt secure in the future of their monarchy.

However, as is often the case, behind the castle walls, all was not well within the royal household. The king and queen, once the happiest of lovers, had begun to grow apart not long after young James was born. The volatile King John often reacted to his queen with unrelenting and thoughtless criticism. The queen abhorred confrontation and simply walked away when the king was in one of his tempers. This practice continued until the royal couple became so distant that they were almost strangers.

Young James did not escape his father’s wrath. He himself was often a target. Taking after his mother, Prince James did not quarrel with his father. He attempted to avoid confrontation by putting distance between himself and the king and nurturing his dreams for the future. He longed for the day when he would meet his soul mate and find all the love and affection he craved but could not find within his own family.

Many miles away, there lived a beautiful young maiden named Cinda. She, too, longed for escape from her family turmoil. Her parents, also once so happy and in love, had fallen on hard times. Her mother could find no good in her father. As he was a weak man, and could not face his wife, he decided to seek his fortune and happiness elsewhere, leaving young Cinda and her mother to fend for themselves. Cinda’s mother, in her despair, became bitter and angry, and poor Cinda often felt the lash of her sharp tongue. The desolate young girl would stare out her window, dreaming of her prince, her knight in shining armor who would rescue her, shower her with love and attention, and most importantly, never leave her.

One day, as Prince James was on a mission for his father, he encountered Cinda, who was on an errand for her mother. It was love at first sight. The young couple soon fell to planning their wedding. Their minds and hearts filled with love and hope for a bright and happy future.

The royal wedding, lavish and extravagant, lifted the hearts of the hopeful nation. As they were joined together in a wedding fit for a king and queen, Cinda and James in all their happiness could not foresee that they had embarked on a difficult and perilous journey that all soul mates must undertake if they wish to find one another and grow together.

Most fairytales end here, with the wedding and the deceptively simple “happily ever after,� but those of us in reality know, the adventure is just beginning, and so it is for Cinda and James. For a while, all appears well in the royal marriage. Cinda and James show all the signs of being deeply in love. Soon, they produce two lovely children, Lucinda and Luke. The young couple shares their hopes and dreams, their trials and disappointments. There doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day to say all that they wish to say.

However, gradually, the royal couple starts to drift apart, as their parents did. It appears that the scars of their childhoods are haunting them still. James and Cinda watch with growing frustration as their relationship unravels and the bond between them weakens.

Now, several years after that happy and wondrous wedding day, Prince James, once the most eligible and charming bachelor his kingdom has ever known, awakens in the early morning from a restless sleep. His wife, Princess Cinda, lies asleep next to him, her blond hair furled out upon the satin pillow and a slight frown on her face.

James peers out the windows of his beautiful castle at the magnificent sunrise. His eyes take in a scene of captivating beauty and peace. Yet he is deeply distressed. He is deeply grieved over the disintegration of his marriage and he feels helpless to change the course of his relationship.

James kneels to pray. He remembers his wedding day, his happiest day, when he was filled with hope for a bright future for himself and his kingdom. Cinda stood beside him, the most beautiful of princesses. All the people, noble and common, celebrated their union and shared their optimism. He bows his head and quietly prays, pouring out his hurt and disillusionment. “Dear God, although I know deeply within that you have not deserted me, I cannot understand what has happened to my life. It has been just seven years since the kingdom celebrated our wedding, the happiest of my days. Where has our happiness gone? Our marriage lifted the hearts of the people I so dearly love. Father and Mother beamed with pride at Cinda, my lovely bride, and me. Now, I am afraid we will lose it all.�

Meanwhile, Cinda, now awake, lies motionless in the bed. She too feels the strain in their marriage. This morning, as most mornings, confused and frustrated thoughts about the state of her relationship swirl around in her mind. I feel as though James and I no longer know each other. We were so close, but now, we barely speak to each other. As she continues to ponder the dreadful turn their relationship has taken, her eyes fill with tears at a feeling of hopelessness that threatens to engulf her. I miss him, she thinks. He seems so far from me now.

Questions:
When did disillusionment mar your relationship dreams?
What did you do about it?