Long Relationships

The loveliness of the weekend has well and truly ended. Mr. JM stayed home from work yesterday because he messed up his back a bit and he’s been having some stomach troubles. I’m inclined to think that it’s some sort of bug because I’ve been having some interesting stomach troubles too.

Bleugh. Mr. JM and I don’t get sick very often and share bugs even less often, but whatever this is definitely appears to be bothering us both. (Which means it’s not the chocolate bread pudding I made yesterday, thank goodness! Only Mr. JM had some of that.) Sharing is all fine and well, but this is no fun.

The good out of all of this is it gives us a reason to stay in and relax as much as possible until we’re both feeling a bit better.

I mentioned a while back that Mr. JM and I were looking at possible holidays for in the next few months. Even though it’s over a month away, Mr. JM has also mentioned my birthday, so I’m wondering if we’re going to end up combining the two. If we do, it’s going to be an interesting time. I have two, possibly three virtual tours to coordinate for August… I usually take October off, though, so maybe we can push it back until then…

Everything in our lives seems so up in the air right now. Mr. JM looking for other jobs, me looking for other places to live, us looking at our future and what we want from it…

Do you ever feel like things in your life are so crazy and yet at the same time standing annoyingly still?

Melbourne, it appears, is being nice to me this winter and breaking up the monotony of overcast days with sunny ones quite regularly. Given I start to get moody after a certain number of cloudy days, this has been fantastic for me.

The Bloke (Mr. JM) and I took advantage of the sunshine on Sunday and got out for a walk.

After a stop at the shops where I perved on some cooking equipment (I later bought a loaf pan for a bread pudding), we picked up some sushi and headed to the park. One of the things I love about Australia is that, even in our grotty little suburb, we have a lovely park to go to.

We sat on our usual bench, smiled at the rednecks screaming at each other on the other side of the park, ate sushi (well, I ate a piece of salmon – no rice for me) and then debated what to do for the rest of the day. After talking about how much we would kick each other’s arses at Frisbee, we set off and played a game.

What a lovely way to spend the afternoon! The sun was still shining, so I could run around in my t-shirt. I kind of suck as Frisbee, but The Bloke didn’t make too much fun of me.

We then walked around town, stopping in a couple shops, and then headed home – happily exhausted.

Unfortunately all the activity has led to The Bloke flaring up his sensitive back, but we both reckon it was more than worth it to have such a fun day out and about.

I hope everyone else had a nice weekend.

Heading to the beach with nothing to read? Now you can head out in style with a book from one (or more!) of your favorite authors!

Pump Up Your Book Promotion is hosting our very first Summer Beach Reading Giveaway. Four great authors with 4 chances to win!

All you have to do is head on out to one of the blogs listed below and follow directions to win. It’s that easy!

As the Pages Turn is giving away a copy of Dorothea Hover-Kramer’s Second Chance at Your Dream!

This is the first book to apply the breakthrough insights of Energy Psychology to healthy aging. Energy Psychology is an exciting new healing method that changes the vibrational patterns in the energy fields to produce rapid emotional healing and a sense of well-being. With the help of the over fifty exercises for rebalancing yourself offered in this book, you can face the challenges and opportunities of later life to create a time of energy, abundance and joy.

You can visit Dorothea online at www.secondchancedream.com.

Click here to enter!

Fiction Scribe is giving away a copy of DCS’ Synarchy Book 1: The Awakening!

Thirteen bloodlines, The Brotherhood, fanatically loyal to their gods, the Anunnaki, have controlled the planet since his-story was written. In 1925 Stefano Vasco Terenzio, head of the Terenzio crime family makes a deal with the Anunnaki to solidify his control over the American Mafia. Clever and manipulative, Stefano’s true goal was to put his family in a position so one day they would be able to turn on their masters. Two generations later, the shockwave he ignited was still being felt. Now, as the world inches closer to 2012, time is running out.

The only thing in the Brotherhoods way is Terenzio, a family now divided as a truly epic battle begins that will determine whether mankind continues existing in a world of lies, or shatters the chains that have held it prisoner since his-story was written. Shocking yet hopeful, Synarchy slowly unravels the tightly laced reality we have created for ourselves. Blending the metaphysical with conspiracy, fact with fiction, debut author DCS has opened up a world that will force you to rethink everything you believe about your own. The knowledge within provokes the question; do you really want to know?

You can visit DCS on the web at www.synarchynovel.com.

Click here to enter!

The Book Stacks is giving away a copy of Dr. Ronald J. Frederick’s Living Like You Mean It!

So many of us long to feel more alive, connected, and secure in our lives, particularly now, in these challenging and difficult times. Why is it so hard? Part of the problem, says Dr. Ronald J. Frederick, has to do with a fear of our feelings—a feelings‐phobia—and the consequences of expressing our feelings to others. It’s this fear that keeps us stuck, detached from the wisdom inside us and distanced from the people around us. And yet positive emotional experiences can actually “rewire” our brain and free us up to experience ourselves and our lives more fully. LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT: Use the Wisdom and Power of Your Emotions to Get the Life You Really Want by Ronald J. Frederick, shows how we can overcome our feelings phobia in order to enjoy more satisfying lives.

You can visit Dr. Frederick on the web at www.livinglikeyoumeanit.com

Click here to enter!

Zensanity is giving away a copy of Richard Aaron’s Gauntlet!

Six hundred sixty tons of Semtex is detonated in a massive explosion in Libya – the last of a deadly stockpile. The operation seems to have gone smoothly, but within minutes of the explosion, CIA agent Richard Lawrence discovers that one shipment of the explosive was hijacked en route to the destruction point. Days later, a glory-seeking “Emir” broadcasts to the world that he is planning a massive terrorist strike against a major U.S. landmark. And he gives a timeline of one month.

You can visit Richard online at www.richardaaron.com.

Click here to enter!

Four great authors, four chances to win! Hurry before contests end!

Hello and welcome to the Friday Free-for-All!

Inspired by the Weekend Soiree over at Wifely Steps (and pretty much using her idea, to be honest, but you can go over there and play on her site as well!), we’re going to have a bit of conversation here on site. I’ll be responding when and where I can, but it would be great for the readers to respond to each other as well.

If you make a comment and it doesn’t show up, let me know using the ‘contact me’ button under the site description on the right. That way, as soon as I see the email I can rescue it from the depths of the spam filter. But, seeing as the spam filter is no longer regarding me as spam, I’m hoping none of you will have any problem.

The way the game works is this:

I pick a theme that we’ll be talking about and will start off things with a question. The first person to come along will then answer that question and ask another question still relating to the theme.

(Remember to ask another question! It makes the game harder if people only answer them.)

Eg. The theme is peanut butter. I ask, “Do you like peanut butter?” Someone answers and at the end of the comment asks, “When was the first time you tried peanut butter?” So on and so forth.

Easy? Yes, I thought so. Which brings me to the theme and the question for this week:

Theme: Beauty

Question: What things do you find beautiful?

Hello and welcome to this week’s installment of love questions.

Eventually we all run out of creative juice. This isn’t a permanent thing, but it does mean that we sometimes have to ask other people for help.

So, for this week, you can thank Mr. JM for coming up with the prompt.

If there was anything I think my husband would say he loves me for, I’d say it was either bravery or loyalty. As part of the prompt that he created, I then asked him why he loved me. He sent me this:

“You open the world to me as if I was new again – I love your enthusiasm & wonder at things I have long since become blasé about or never really saw as special.

You need me – I haven’t really been needed in my life.

You make me be a better person than I am.”

(Yeah, go ahead and say ‘aaawwww’.)

So what we think our partners might say about something definitely isn’t always what they actually say about something.

This week I’m wondering:

(If you’re not with anyone at the moment, feel free to call on past relationships.)

If you do answer on your blog, please spread the link love and link to:

Aud from Mom.Dad.Chat
Jenera at Just Me

And, of course, I always appreciate your links to me.

Don’t forget to leave me a link in the comments to your response.

Have fun!

I was responding to comments the other night and came across Little Miss Fatty’s Pants weight loss blog. While she is struggling a little bit with things right now, she has taken that all-important step of deciding to make her life a better, longer, healthier one.

I was looking through her past posts, and there was one that contained a letter to her boyfriend.

While her letter was a short one, it conveyed the love she has for her boyfriend and the appreciation she has for him looking out for her.

Well, that inspired me to write a thank-you to my husband…

Dear Mr. JM,

Me

For a while here on Long Relationships, we had people who wrote in about their relationships. How they met, how long they’ve been together now, that sort of thing. All those posts are under Our Story.

Because I’m a curious person by nature, I would love to get that going again, so here is the official call out.

If you want to enter something for Our Story, you have two ways of doing it.

The easier/shorter way is to answer the questions to the meme I have put after the more tag.

The longer way is to write a post with 250 - 500 words about how you met your partner, how long you’ve been together, and anything else you think is important to include.

And, of course, whether you write a post or participate by filling in the meme, I am happy to link to any/all of your blogs (unless you have five million of them or you run a pornography blog - I have to at least try to be somewhat age appropriate here).

To get in contact with me, all you have to do is email me if you have my email address or click on the good ol’ ‘contact me’ button on the right under the site description.

Thank you to everyone who even thinks about participating!

(more…)

Ah, the age old struggle. Let’s face it, no matter how wonderful you think your relationship is with your mom, it’s still a struggle on some levels.

It starts with friendships as a teen. Dating as a young adult. Which usually leads to marriage. Then the final step of becoming a mother yourself.

What am I talking about, you ask? Throughout the stages of your life, the relationship with your mother changes. Most often for the better, but sometimes for the worst.

As a teen, we are expanding our wings and creating new bonds and friendships. While your mom may be supporting these new ventures outwardly, happy that you are growing, inwardly she is jealous of any and all new people in your life. My mom admitted this to me before I got married. She was jealous of anyone else I had in my life.

When we start dating, and eventually get married, the relationship takes a dramatic turn. No longer is your mother the center of your world. No more does she hold the highest rung of our affection ladder. There is a new person in our lives that takes up our time, devotion, and love. Do we love our mothers less? Of course not. But think about it. For the majority of our lives, our mothers have been the cornerstone, everything that is stable. Now there is someone else offering that security, love, and devotion.

And oh boy, once the kids arrives, it will never be the same. Why? Well, my mom told me that now I’m a new person. She is seeing herself in me back when she first had my brother and I. It also puts her in that rare position of seeing how HER mother felt when she had us. Now she is in this new role of Grandmother and has to sit back and not try to tell me what to do. It doesn’t always work, but she tries.

The point is, our relationships with our mothers change dramatically from the time we are kids until we are adults. For many people, it can still be a strong bond. For others, the strength to walk away is what is needed. Nothing is ever easy. Throughout my years, I have changed and so has my mom. Circumstances have led us to fall away from each, come back, and everything in between. I haven’t always liked her, but I’ve always loved her.

I don’t know that I have the magical answer for maintaining a relationship with my own mother. Sometimes, as we grew, the veil between our ‘idea’ of our mother and the ‘reality’ is lifted and it can be life changing. I think the most important thing to remember is that we have to change together. For me, it hasn’t been easy. We butt heads but we are trying.

When your mother is being a royal you-know-what, just take a breath and remember that this all new territory for her too. And if that doesn’t help, screen your phone calls.

Hello and welcome to the Friday Free-for-All!

Inspired by the Weekend Soiree over at Wifely Steps (and pretty much using her idea, to be honest, but you can go over there and play on her site as well!), we’re going to have a bit of conversation here on site. I’ll be responding when and where I can, but it would be great for the readers to respond to each other as well.

If you make a comment and it doesn’t show up, let me know using the ‘contact me’ button under the site description on the right. That way, as soon as I see the email I can rescue it from the depths of the spam filter. But, seeing as the spam filter is no longer regarding me as spam, I’m hoping none of you will have any problem.

The way the game works is this:

I pick a theme that we’ll be talking about and will start off things with a question. The first person to come along will then answer that question and ask another question still relating to the theme.

(Remember to ask another question! It makes the game harder if people only answer them.)

Eg. The theme is peanut butter. I ask, “Do you like peanut butter?” Someone answers and at the end of the comment asks, “When was the first time you tried peanut butter?” So on and so forth.

Easy? Yes, I thought so. Which brings me to the theme and the question for this week:

Theme: Important Things

Question: What/who can’t you live without?

Hello and welcome to this week’s installment of love questions.

With this blog, I have talked about all kinds of things. Baby brain, sex, personal space, vacations, time spent apart… All sorts of stuff. (Do I need to direct you back to the series I did on sex? I promise I have written about it.)

However, there are two things I can’t write about here because I don’t have the experience.

The first topic is children. I’ve never even been pregnant (though we’ve had a few “scares”), so I look to my wonderful friend Jenera to help me out with posts when it comes to things I’d like to know about motherhood.

The second topic isn’t a ‘not yet’ topic - it’s a ‘not ever’ topic. In-laws. I have never met a single in-law of mine and Mr. JM has never met a single in-law of his. He divorced his family long before he met me and my family is across the world (and we have no intention of seeing them any time soon).

So, though I’d love to talk on the subject of in-laws, I simply don’t and won’t have the experience.

This week I’m wondering:

(If you’re not with anyone at the moment, feel free to call on past relationships.)

If you do answer on your blog, please spread the link love and link to:

Aud from Mom.Dad.Chat
Jenera at Just Me

And, of course, I always appreciate your links to me.

Don’t forget to leave me a link in the comments to your response.

Have fun!

Hello Dr. Frederick. On behalf of myself and my readers, welcome to Long Relationships.

I’m delighted to be here!

I’ve invited you here today to talk about your book: Living Like You Mean It. Could you briefly explain what your book is about?

Living Like You Mean It is a self-help book published by Jossey-Bass, a division of Wiley. Based on cutting-edge science, it shares my proven four-step approach to overcoming fear and becoming more emotionally present in one’s life and relationships.

What led you to write this book?

I was inspired to write Living Like You Mean It by my own life-changing experience. I was in my early thirties, had just finished my doctoral studies, and despite having everything going for me, I hit a wall. I was in relationship I frequently questioned and found myself filled with trepidation and fear about moving forward. I ended up in therapy and discovered, rather surprisingly, that the anxiety I was experiencing at the time had so much to do with being uncomfortable with what I really felt deep down inside.

I had become so afraid of my emotions, of listening to and trusting my true feelings, that I couldn’t hear the voice of my deepest self buried somewhere inside me—the voice that knew what I wanted, knew what I longed for, knew what felt right to me and what felt wrong. I might have gone on doubting myself forever had I not gotten the help I needed to recognize what, in fact, I really was afraid of and to learn how to overcome my fears, accept and embrace my emotional self, and really connect with others.

The experience changed my life. My anxiety decreased, I stopped doubting myself and felt much more confident and in touch with my personal truth. I found it much easier to be emotionally present and felt closer to the people in my life. Ultimately, I found the courage to listen to and trust my heart and move forward, to leave the relationship I was in, and to realize the kind of relationship and life I had dreamed of having.

When you have an experience like that, when your life is changed in such a dramatic way, you want to spread the good stuff around. The more people I’ve been able to help, and the more I witness the dramatic changes that can take place when we develop the ability to be with and share our feelings, the more I have felt compelled to spread the word. I guess you can say that it’s become a mission for me: to help people to wake up to their feelings and get the lives they really want. I wrote this book to help people do just that.

Do you think people being afraid of their feelings has played a part in the increased divorce rate today?

Yes I do. We know that not being able to deal with our feelings leads to problems in relationships. As I said earlier, we end up feeling disconnected and distant. In fact, recent studies show that one of the most serious threats to a relationship is boredom.

To my mind, boredom is the direct result of avoiding emotional closeness, of not taking risks to reveal more of ourselves, or not slowing down and making space for what we’re feeling inside. You see, when we continue to evolve emotionally, when we engage in the process of emotional discovery, it can never be boring! To the contrary, it fills our lives and relationships with energy and vitality.

Personally, I think feelings of disconnection from each other and the world is one of the main reasons we have such anger, violence, unhappiness, etc. Do you agree?

Yes. That’s certainly one reason. And then there’s the fact that clearly we don’t all hold the same values or think alike.

What would you say is the reason people learn to be afraid of their feelings?

A lot of it has to do with our early experience: what we learned, and didn’t learn. Most of us got very little help when we were growing up with how to connect with, manage, and make good use of our feelings. It’s a basic skill that we haven’t quite learned.

On top of that, many of us grew up with caregivers who, to some degree or another, were uncomfortable with feelings. As children we’re extremely sensitive to the cues we get from our caregivers. If they react poorly when we get angry, sad, or even happy, we sense their discomfort and become anxious—we’re so afraid of losing their approval, of having them pull away or abandon us. We come to associate a sense of danger with our feelings and this fear gets wired into our brains. Unless we do something to overcome this fear as adults, it stays with us.

What do you hope readers take away from reading your book?

Living Like You Mean It is full of stories of transformation. Stories of people who felt stuck, alone, and despairing, but who, in finding the courage to face their fears, in taking the risk to open up to their feelings and share them with others, changed in ways they never imagined possible. That’s precisely what I want readers to take away from this book: to know that with the right tools and practice, your life and your relationships can be better. The capacity for change is there inside you, just waiting to come out. You’ll see. You have the power to transform your life.

Are you working on another book currently?

Currently, I’m working on promoting Living Like You Mean It which is pretty much a full-time job. But, I’m also beginning to develop an audio series based on concepts in the book that will help people experience more joy in their lives. I suppose another book will come at some point.

Is there anything else you would like to share?

Yes. To learn more about me and Living Like You Mean It, please visit: http://www.livinglikeyoumeanit.com/index.html

Thank you for joining us today.

You’re welcome. It’s been a pleasure!

Hello everyone!

I am very happy to announce that on Tuesday and Wednesday, I will be welcoming psychologist and life coach Dr. Ronald J. Frederick to Long Relationships. He will be here talking about relationships and his book Living Like You Mean It: Use the Wisdom and Power of Your Emotions to Get the Life You Really Want, which helps teach us to embrace our emotions.

By way of introduction, here is a little bit about Dr. Frederick and his book:

About Dr. Frederick

Ronald J. Frederick, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist and life coach, with over 15 years of experience helping people get the life they really want.

A long-time proponent of the transforming power of emotion, he co-founded the Center for Courageous Living, which offers innovative therapy, coaching and consulting. Noted for his warmth, humor, and engaging presentation style, he lectures and facilitates workshops nationally.

Frederick is a senior faculty member of the Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) Institute, as well as the Clinical Supervisor of Park House, an outpatient program at Abbott Northwestern Hospital in Minneapolis.

About Living Like You Mean It: Use the Wisdom and Power of Your Emotions to Get the Life You Really Want

So many of us long to feel more alive, connected, and secure in our lives, particularly now, in these challenging and difficult times. Why is it so hard? Part of the problem, says Dr. Ronald J. Frederick, has to do with a fear of our feelings—a feelings‐phobia—and the consequences of expressing our feelings to others. It’s this fear that keeps us stuck, detached from the wisdom inside us and distanced from the people around us.

And yet positive emotional experiences can actually “rewire” our brain and free us up to experience ourselves and our lives more fully. LIVING LIKE YOU MEAN IT: Use the Wisdom and Power of Your Emotions to Get the Life You Really Want by Ronald J. Frederick, shows how we can overcome our feelings phobia in order to enjoy more satisfying lives.

Drawing on cutting edge science, many years as a psychotherapist and his own personal experiences, Dr. Frederick advocates that we understand and express the broad range of our emotions so that our feelings actually become allies in our search for fulfillment. His proven four-step process for tapping into the hidden power of our emotions includes:

*Recognizing the signs of fears in ourselves, and the defenses we unknowingly use to cut ourselves off from our potential power.
*Understanding how to tame our fear and exercise control.
*Learning how to experience our true emotions and make use of their many resources.
*Developing effective, measured ways to express and share our feelings.

A master story‐teller, Frederick interlaces therapeutic techniques with stories from people who have learned to recognize and deal constructively with the emotions that have kept them from living their best lives. The trick, Dr. Frederick shows, is in being able to navigate and diminish the fear that is so entangled with our feelings, so we can progress in a healthier, less encumbered direction, and get the life we really want.

Hello and welcome to the Friday Free-for-All!

Inspired by the Weekend Soiree over at Wifely Steps (and pretty much using her idea, to be honest, but you can go over there and play on her site as well!), we’re going to have a bit of conversation here on site. I’ll be responding when and where I can, but it would be great for the readers to respond to each other as well.

If you make a comment and it doesn’t show up, let me know using the ‘contact me’ button under the site description on the right. That way, as soon as I see the email I can rescue it from the depths of the spam filter. But, seeing as the spam filter is no longer regarding me as spam, I’m hoping none of you will have any problem.

The way the game works is this:

I pick a theme that we’ll be talking about and will start off things with a question. The first person to come along will then answer that question and ask another question still relating to the theme.

(Remember to ask another question! It makes the game harder if people only answer them.)

Eg. The theme is peanut butter. I ask, “Do you like peanut butter?” Someone answers and at the end of the comment asks, “When was the first time you tried peanut butter?” So on and so forth.

Easy? Yes, I thought so. Which brings me to the theme and the question for this week:

Theme: Childhood

Question: What was your favourite book as a child?

Hello and welcome to this week’s installment of love questions.

While Mr. JM and I went on our mini-vacation this past long weekend, I got to thinking about how Mr. JM doesn’t get a lot of private ‘me’ time. I work at home, so I have the whole day to myself if I don’t have to go to the shops or somewhere else for whatever reasons. Mr. JM works in an office and does jobs in other regional offices as well. The only time he really gets to himself is in the car or if I go to bed earlier than he does.

Fully knowing the importance of time just to yourself, I began to think about ways I could give Mr. JM alone time to relax while not being forced out of the flat. (It’s winter here in Australia and nearly everything closes at 5pm.)

For now, I have settled on a mutually beneficial plan: I go to bed at least a half an hour early and work on my writing in the bedroom (which I can do now that I have an electric blanket to keep me warm), and Mr. JM gets the extra time to cruise the internet, watch television or do whatever else he wants.

We have plenty of time together, and I think Mr. JM will benefit from time dedicated just to him.

This week I’m wondering:

If you do answer on your blog, please spread the link love and link to:

Aud from Mom.Dad.Chat
Jenera at Just Me

And, of course, I always appreciate your links to me.

Don’t forget to leave me a link in the comments to your response.

Have fun!

Jenera is always kind enough to write about the topics I would like to cover on Long Relationships but don’t yet have the personal experience yet to do so. Please welcome her back to the site.

Every one talks about how important bonding with your new baby is. Without bonding, your child could potentially be at risk for failure to thrive-which basically means they aren’t progressing health wise as they should. That emotional bond between a mother and baby is essential. Not just for the baby but for the mother as well.

When I had both my boys, I bonded fairly quickly with them. There was some concern I’d be at risk for post partum depression given my history. My family even joked about if I’d be able to bond and if I’d toss them in the river like those crazy mothers from the news. It hurt me to think that my own family didn’t have enough faith in me.

I shouldn’t have worried. When I first saw my boys, it clicked instantly. They were mine and I was theirs. Sure, there was an adjustment period, especially with my first. I had my rough times when I didn’t even want to be in the same room as them. But I stuck it out. I am by nature not a people person and only show affection with a select few. With my boys, I tell them I love them every day and hug and kiss them whenever I get the chance. Maybe others don’t see it. But my boys know I love them.

What is important to remember is that bonding with a newborn is not like they say in the books. Not usually anyway. I feel any mother will have those moments when they feel disconnected from their baby. No new mother should stress about bonding, it will come naturally. It doesn’t require any tips or tricks. And regardless of what you may hear, breastfeeding mothers do not have an edge to the whole bonding thing.

How do you know you’ve bonded successfully? Easy. When you look into your child’s eyes and you can feel their love for you, you’ve made it. It’s that unconditional love where they only know the best of you and don’t care about the worst. They need you and you need them. Bonds are meant to never be broken and with your new baby, you have a brand new shot and establishing a life long relationship.