Long Relationships

Hello and welcome to the Friday Free-for-All!

Inspired by the Weekend Soiree over at Wifely Steps (and pretty much using her idea, to be honest, but you can go over there and play on her site as well!), we’re going to have a bit of conversation here on site. I’ll be responding when and where I can, but it would be great for the readers to respond to each other as well.

If you make a comment and it doesn’t show up, let me know using the ‘contact me’ button under the site description on the right. That way, as soon as I see the email I can rescue it from the depths of the spam filter. But, seeing as the spam filter is no longer regarding me as spam, I’m hoping none of you will have any problem.

The way the game works is this:

I pick a theme that we’ll be talking about and will start off things with a question. The first person to come along will then answer that question and ask another question still relating to the theme.

(Remember to ask another question! It makes the game harder if people only answer them.)

Eg. The theme is peanut butter. I ask, “Do you like peanut butter?” Someone answers and at the end of the comment asks, “When was the first time you tried peanut butter?” So on and so forth.

Easy? Yes, I thought so. Which brings me to the theme and the question for this week:

Theme: Music

Question: Would you say you listen to music a lot, average amount, a little or not at all?

Hello everyone! It’s that time again…

This week I have been thinking about back when my husband and I first met online. For the first couple of months there were revelations (nothing all that juicy, I assure you) about him and his life that made me need to sit back and think a bit. They weren’t dramatic things, but they were things that made me shift my perceptions of him.

I got to wondering what it would be like if he had told me he was doing something illegal. Would I have backed away? Would I have not cared? I probably wouldn’t have cared unless he was doing something illegal that was hurting other people.

My thoughts meandered over to, “I probably would have been more flexible when we were first together because we were still getting to know each other. But now we’re married and I take it for granted that there is nothing hugely important that he has failed to tell me.” But it doesn’t always work out to be the way you take things for granted to be…

I’m wondering…

Make sure you leave a link to your answer in the comments section and link to the sites featured with the questions.

If you do answer on your blog, please spread the link love and link to:

Aud from Mom.Dad.Chat
Abbey at Random Thoughts
Jenera at Just Me

And, of course, I always appreciate your links to me.

Don’t forget to leave me a link in the comments to your response.

Have fun!

I received a letter from my mother, telling me how, by the time I received the letter, my brother and his long time girlfriend would be husband and wife. A previous letter had mentioned that they would be marrying in September. I had written back that I wish I could be there, even though I didn’t know if I would be welcome.

So much for that.

I bought a wedding card for them because that’s what I do; I give people things. I like to share in people’s joy, even if it makes me come off as a bit creepy. I give what I can, when I can and share even when people have treated me like crap.

I thought about writing a check, as that’s what people do for a wedding card. Check or new appliance. But, seeing as I’m overseas and they’ve been living together for years, check seemed like the right option to go with.

But then it hit me.

They never sent me a card when I got married. (Or rather, told them I’d gotten married.) I sent pictures, a long letter… And, to give her credit, I received a letter back from my mother. But nothing back from my brothers. Either of them. Nothing on my first anniversary, either. Nothing after I sent a package of little gifts and sweets.

I sat at my desk thinking about all that, and then I thought, “Why should I write a check when I haven’t heard a word even though they have my address?”

So I didn’t. I signed the card from me and my husband and set it in the ‘out’ mail pile. And to be honest, it felt fine. I didn’t feel like I was being evil or revengeful. Heck, I felt good about sending them a card, even without a check.

But still…

Am I being petty? Silly? Or am I just being human and thinking about my own life?

There are times in our marriage when I can’t help but feel very, very bad for my husband.

If you read at Finally Getting Fit, you’ll know that I have some health issues. Because of one of those issues, I have to go back on The Pill until we start making babies. But, as you likely know, they don’t like you to hop back on The Pill whenever you feel like it. It should line up with a woman’s cycle.

My problem? No cycle since August. Until today, that is, when my progesterone finally woke my reproductive system out of a coma and got it working again.

Bottom line? Looks like I’m feeling about half a year’s PMS in this one week.

Yes, you can all wince now.

I have been doing very well with controlling my moods (my husband would beg to differ, but he doesn’t live in my head), but there are times when the ‘Pissy’ of PMS shows through like a lighthouse light in an apartment bedroom. There are times when I can barely keep myself from throwing dishes (I thought for about five minutes straight about how much I wanted to throw a glass across the room) or other rotten things.

Poor Mr. JM is suffering the consequences.

Thankfully, it’ll be over soon. And, at least when I’m on The Pill, my murderous urges tame down. But I still feel so bad for Mr. JM. I’m wondering if I should book him a hotel room for a while or something…

It’s been a while since I’ve done a meme. Fun stuff. I found this one at Book Lists Life

What are your middle names?

Mine is Louise (bleugh) and his is Edward.

How long have you been together?
Four years this coming October. Two years married this May.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
Well, it wasn’t long at all before we became a couple. There wasn’t any actual dating involved.

Who asked whom out?
There was no ‘asking out’ really. More just confessions of attraction.

How old are each of you?
Doesn’t matter.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Neither. I’ve never met his, he’s never met mine and there are no plans to change that.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
The financial stuff is hardest, I’d say, because there is so much we’d like for our lives (house, dog, kids) but we can’t because of finances.

Did you go to the same school?
Hahaha. No

Are you from the same home town?
We’re not even from the same country.

Who is smarter?
He is.

Who is the most sensitive?
Hm. I think I’m more outwardly sensitive. He’s sensitive, but he’s good at internalizing things.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
I don’t know where we go the most… Probably Indian.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
From Melbourne to New Zealand.

Who has the craziest exes?
I couldn’t tell you, really. Mine aren’t that crazy, just mean. I don’t know enough about his to say if they were nutters.

Who has the worst temper?
Me. The man is very good at keeping a lid on things. He sulks, goes quiet, etc, but he never, ever yells.

Who does the cooking?
Both of us.

Who is the neat-freak?
Neither. I’m neater than he is, but we’re not neat-freaks at all.

Who is more stubborn?
He is. Hands down.

Who hogs the bed?
Probably me.

Who wakes up earlier?
Him. I am not a morning person.

Where was your first date?
We didn’t really date… The first place he took me when I arrived here was a place called Smokin’ Joes.

Who is more jealous?
I think me, but it could be that he just doesn’t say anything.

How long did it take to get serious?
Not long at all. A matter of weeks, I’d say.

Who eats more?
I do.

Who does the laundry?
Both of us.

Who’s better with the computer?
He is. It’s what he does for a living…

Who drives when you are together?
He does. A.) It’s a manual. B.) I don’t drive.

Hello and welcome to the Friday Free-for-All!

Inspired by the Weekend Soiree over at Wifely Steps (and pretty much using her idea, to be honest, but you can go over there and play on her site as well!), we’re going to have a bit of conversation here on site. I’ll be responding when and where I can, but it would be great for the readers to respond to each other as well.

If you make a comment and it doesn’t show up, let me know using the ‘contact me’ button under the site description on the right. That way, as soon as I see the email I can rescue it from the depths of the spam filter. But, seeing as the spam filter is no longer regarding me as spam, I’m hoping none of you will have any problem.

The way the game works is this:

I pick a theme that we’ll be talking about and will start off things with a question. The first person to come along will then answer that question and ask another question still relating to the theme.

(Remember to ask another question! It makes the game harder if people only answer them.)

Eg. The theme is peanut butter. I ask, “Do you like peanut butter?” Someone answers and at the end of the comment asks, “When was the first time you tried peanut butter?” So on and so forth.

Easy? Yes, I thought so. Which brings me to the theme and the question for this week:

Theme: Health

(I picked out this theme for today weeks ago. Funny how things line up, huh?)

Question: Do you consider yourself a healthy person?

Hello everyone! It’s that time again…

This past week I have been feeling absolutely run down. I tried to ignore it, keep working, keep going out to get groceries and that sort of thing… Well, my body reminded me that I’m not superwoman and that just trying to ignore the fact you are sick isn’t going to make it go away - no matter how much you would like it to be true.

So, for as long as it takes, I am going to do my best to take it easy. (Ew.) Even if it means sitting in bed most/all of the day.

I know, I know. ‘Poor me’ doesn’t have to do any work (other than writing work) and gets to sit in bed. Boo friggin’ hoo, right?

It’s a nice enough activity, but I start to get a little cabin fever within a few hours…

Anywho, with the ‘bedrest’ and the head cold and the work stress, yada yada, I definitely have been feeling anything but sexy. Grotty? Yeah. Grumpy? A bit. Sexy? No way in hell. But my husband still kisses me and takes care of me despite it all, which always helps.

I’m wondering…

Make sure you leave a link to your answer in the comments section and link to the sites featured with the questions.

If you do answer on your blog, please spread the link love and link to:
Aud from Mom.Dad.Chat
Abbey at Random Thoughts
Jessica at Life to Nowhere
Jenera at Just Me

And, of course, I always appreciate your links to me.

Don’t forget to leave me a link in the comments to your response.

Have fun!

That’s right, my friends. I just have to get it off my chest. I’ve been living the lie for too long.

I cheat… at making the bed.

Shocking, isn’t it?

I’ve come to the conclusion that it is just better to confess and accept that I can be a lazy-ass wife. Then I can just move on with my life. Better to admit and aim to improve than sit in that great river denial, yes?

If you’re not sure how exactly one goes about “cheating” at making the bed, it goes like this:

(It doesn’t really work if you really toss and turn, kick everything off the bed, etc.)

My husband and I have the regular sheet, top sheet tucked in at the foot end and two blankets. Even if things have been interesting during the night, the bed is pretty much always just in need of a bit of tucking/pulling etc to make it look good.

So that’s what I do. No pulling everything off and making it all nice (which I do occasionally, but 99% of the time only when pulling/tucking just won’t do). Nope. I’m a slacker.

My mother was a bag of mixed nuts when it came to cleaning, so obviously I just didn’t inherit the gene or something. I like our place (and our bed) to be nice and neat, but when I have heaps of stuff to do - or when the mess is just overwhelming - I go the slacker route and ignore.

I did a huge clean recently for a real estate inspection, so I’ve been trying to maintain that, but I just can’t get past my bed slacker tendencies.

My poor husband. I hope he wasn’t expecting much.

As if to further prove to myself that I’m still at that level ill ’stuffy brain’ where you aren’t thinking clearly, for a while, the title of this post was “Head Cold Braing”. I’m not sure what a “Braing” is, but I’m not really in the mood to find out.

Right now I’m blogging from bed. (Oh yeah, I heart you that much.) It’s not a bad place to blog from, unless you don’t have a laptop. Then it’d just be awkward.

Anywho, the virus/bug/whatever that tried to drag be down all last week finally settled into my sinuses, head, throat and even ears (likes to spread out, this bug) as of this past Sunday. Unlike most other bugs, this little bastard simply isn’t letting go. BLAR.

It’s partially my fault, running myself down when I knew something was gnawing at me, but I figure: what better Valentine’s Day gift could I give Mr. JM other than the excuse to give me crap about not taking vitamins?

It’s the gift that keeps on giving. Truly.

The weird thing about me is if I’m only ‘kinda sick’ - as in able to walk around and string two sentences that make sense together - I feel guilty about being sick.

What do I do when I feel guilty? Show that I’m sorry, of course.

I may not have done the laundry (completely forgot, to be honest), but I did smother Mr. JM with “I love yous” (ask him how much he likes it when I do that… ha), apologize a few times with no answer as to why I was apologizing, prepared dinner and washed dishes.

Not bad.

So that’s me. I don’t like taking medication of any sort (unless I have to) so you won’t get any semi-high-on-cough-syrup posts at midnight, but I might not make complete sense in my next few posts.

You have been warned.

Everyone loves a good love story. And we all love stories about how the love started and blossomed.

Join us in a fun new book about dating, romance, love, and marriage, scheduled for publication in January 2010, just in time for Valentine’s Day.

We are looking for true stories and poems about your soulmate, your true love, the one that got away, and all the ups and downs of your love life. Stories can be serious or hilarious, or both.

We prefer stories and poems written in the first person of 600-1,200 words. Stories should not be pre-published unless in very small publications.

Here are some suggested topics, but we know you can think of many more:
Dating adventures - the good and the bad
How you met
Internet searching and dating
Speed dating and other strategies
When did you know?
Proposals
Wedding stories
Parental pressure and support
Pressure and support from children
Senior dating and love at a certain age
Making marriage work
Second chances

If your story is chosen, you will be a published author and your bio will be printed in the book if you so choose. You will also receive a check for $200 and 10 free copies of your book, worth more than $100. You will retain the copyright for your story and you will retain the right to resell it.

SUBMISSIONS GO TO http://chickensoupforthesoul.com/form.asp?cid=submit_story.

DEADLINE IS May 31, 2009.

Teen relationships will be covered in a future book, so please do not submit them for this book.

My husband is joining us today to share a few words.

When disaster comes, it can be difficult to identify with the people directly affected unless perhaps one has been through similar events.

The recent fires in Australia have brought out the best of humanity as Aussies rally around to try to help, in any way they can’ those fellow countrymen who have suffered so grievously.

It can bring tears welling as one listens to news of how, within two days the charities had to ask for people to stop donating clothes, blankets and other household goods because they simply didn’t have enough people to sort and process the mountains that had come through their doors.

Listening to the appeals as they soar into the millions of dollars faster than ever before brings a lump in the throat at the generosity of the everyday people of Australia, while hearing about the thousands of people lining up to give blood is heartwarming.

But how do you write about all this? Do you have to have experienced the pain, the trauma and loss in order to reach into those feelings to be able to express them vividly enough to cause those same emotions to rise in your reader?

Is it possible to sit outside the feelings but still describe them so well they resonate with similar moments in the lives of your readers?

I have been on fire lines, and worked in the camps set up in the bush where men and machines gather to do battle with the most ferocious servant man has had. Emergency situations change people; we see the best of them as they stand together to face impossible odds, to trust each other with their lives and to take on the impossible task of turning fifty foot flames from their path, of stopping inferno from devastating their community.

Can we write about heroism from outside? Is it possible to tap into an entirely new way of thinking and acting if we haven’t been there?

Hello and welcome to the Friday Free-for-All!

Inspired by the Weekend Soiree over at Wifely Steps (and pretty much using her idea, to be honest, but you can go over there and play on her site as well!), we’re going to have a bit of conversation here on site. I’ll be responding when and where I can, but it would be great for the readers to respond to each other as well.

If you make a comment and it doesn’t show up, let me know using the ‘contact me’ button under the site description on the right. That way, as soon as I see the email I can rescue it from the depths of the spam filter. But, seeing as the spam filter is no longer regarding me as spam, I’m hoping none of you will have any problem.

The way the game works is this:

I pick a theme that we’ll be talking about and will start off things with a question. The first person to come along will then answer that question and ask another question still relating to the theme.

(Remember to ask another question! It makes the game harder if people only answer them.)

Eg. The theme is peanut butter. I ask, “Do you like peanut butter?” Someone answers and at the end of the comment asks, “When was the first time you tried peanut butter?” So on and so forth.

Easy? Yes, I thought so. Which brings me to the theme and the question for this week:

Theme: Art

Question: What kind of art, if any, do you do?

Hello everyone! It’s that time again…

This past week has been ‘interesting’, that’s for sure. At the beginning of the month, we booked for a lovely Valentine’s Day package with some new friends who own a pub/inn in northern Victoria. Then the fires struck and we accepted that we weren’t going to have our weekend.

However, we care about the people there, so we’ve kept in touch to make sure they are safe and not in need of anything we could give. As it turns out, they’re bound and determined to reopen for Valentine’s Day.

I asked Mr. JM if he felt weird going up there with everything that has happened, but he said it’s not weird. In fact, it’s exactly the sort of support they need right now.

And so, we’re heading up there this weekend not so much because of Valentine’s Day (though that’s part of it, of course) but also because by doing so, we are helping bring money back into the communities that need it.

And that, my friends, is my roundabout way of asking:

Make sure you leave a link to your answer in the comments section and link to the sites featured with the questions.

If you do answer on your blog, please spread the link love and link to:
Aud from Mom.Dad.Chat
Abbey at Random Thoughts
Jessica at Life to Nowhere
Jenera at Just Me

And, of course, I always appreciate your links to me.

Don’t forget to leave me a link in the comments to your response.

Have fun!

By Mr. JM

Today we head out into the fire-ravaged countryside around Melbourne. For those who don’t know, Victoria, Australia, has been hit by the worst fires ever in our history.

Almost 200 people died in a firestorm that burned hot enough to melt metal, totally destroyed towns and swept across the land so fast that it burned out entire towns while leaving green leaves at the tops of trees. At times the fire front was being sucked along by its own wind at speed in excess of 100kms per hour – that’s 60mph. You can outrun that on the open highway in a car – on windy narrow mountain roads, not a chance and many people died in their cars.

So why, just days after the horror, are we heading up that way?

We go to celebrate a Valentines Day together, in a lovely little pub just to the North of the worst of the blazes that swept north of Melbourne. We go to start the process of bringing money back into the area, as a gesture of defiance at the devastation being able to interrupt the normal life of the wonderful people who live in the country and we go to show them they are being thought of by people other than those who have gone through the inferno.

I sent an email around my work, emphasising that people need to think about the near future for these places. Give them a few months to get the rebuilding well under way, but make plans to head on out, visit the devastated towns and spend some money there.

The people of Melbourne and the rest of Australia have raised almost a hundred million dollars to help, the Red Cross is turning away blood donors because they cannot handle the sheer volume of people showing up to give blood, and the government is making ready to rebuild these communities as soon as they can get into them, but what is important is after the news has died away, when the aid has done its job and the communities are starting to live again – we need to get out there and support them by using their services, buying their produce and crafts, eating at their pubs, restaurants and cafes.

So we go to have a lovely night together, in beautiful rooms with excellent food, at The Peppercorn Hotel in Yea.

Yep, that’s *from* my husband, not to my husband. I think everything that’s been happening recently has not only brought the nation together but has also reminded both Mr. JM and I how much we love and appreciate each other.

Dear wife,

I am not the best of men but being with you, having you to look after, to help, to hold and to provide focus in my life makes me try to be. There are times when I feel badly about myself for no other reason than I think I am not the best you should have and I am not able to provide you with everything.

Your support, your love, your way of reacting to life gives me purpose, opens my heart and shows me how much I missed in the years before I found you.

We have come a long way from the early days and we are still on the journey, but even in the worst times we have I can’t conceive of going back to a life without you in it.

I hurt when you hurt; I hurt when you are denied things that come easy to others. I try to help with how you cope with the disappointments of trying to lose weight and feel inadequate because I can’t find ways to help you achieve what you wish for so fervently.

Life with you is a revelation each day, bringing me back into a world i had almost left, showing me how much there is to be found and enjoyed.

I’m not good at expressing my love, so I try to show how I feel by how I act, what i can give and by making as good a life for you as I can. I fail often it seems but I love you and it keeps me trying.

There’s no ‘I’ in Team, nor any ‘you’ but you and I together make a team and we’re getting better at it I think.

All my love,

Mr. JM