Long Relationships

I may technically be away at the moment, but that doesn’t mean we have to put the Friday Free-for-All on hold.

Inspired by the Weekend Soiree over at Wifely Steps (and pretty much using her idea, to be honest, but you can go over there and play on her site as well!), we’re going to have a bit of conversation here on site. I’ll be responding when and where I can, but it would be great for the readers to respond to each other as well.

If you make a comment and it doesn’t show up, let me know using the ‘contact me’ button under the site description on the right. That way, as soon as I see the email I can rescue it from the depths of the spam filter. But, seeing as the spam filter is no longer regarding me as spam, I’m hoping none of you will have any problem.

The way the game works is this:

I pick a theme that we’ll be talking about and will start off things with a question. The first person to come along will then answer that question and ask another question still relating to the theme.

Eg. The theme is peanut butter. I ask, “Do you like peanut butter?” Someone answers and at the end of the comment asks, “When was the first time you tried peanut butter?” So on and so forth.

Easy? Yes, I thought so. Which brings me to the theme and the question for this week:

Theme: Senses

Question: What is your favourite scent?

xkcd.com

I love xkcd.com. Humor for nerds at some of its finest. With stick people no less. I highly recommend you go to the site, start at the beginning comic and then go through them all. And while you’re at it, maybe check out Questionable Content too.

Ahem. Anyway…

I read this comic and had a chuckle, but then inspiration for this week’s love question struck.

We all have our disagreements in relationships; that’s just part of the whole relationship thing – romantic relationship or otherwise. If we made friends with and loved people who were only exactly like us, things would get so boring. So we have conflict. Times when we just rub each other the wrong way. But we usually work it out and go back to the positive relationship we so enjoy.

But sometimes we don’t.

For this week’s question, I would like to know:

What, if anything, would you not compromise on even if it could mean the end of your relationship?

Remember, the whole thing is going to work completely the same, just in a different location. I would like to start the link love going again for this as well, so make sure you leave a link to your answer in the comments section and link to the sites featured with the questions.

Last week, everyone who answered did so in the comments, so I’m going to ask that this week, if you do answer on your blog, you link to Aud from Short Sweet Love Poems who got the Love Questions going. Don’t forget to leave me a link in the comments.

Have fun!

Today on her blog, Jenera talked about the times when she feels sexiest. Thinking about when I feel sexiest, I figured I could split things into two categories. Here I’ll be talking about the mental/emotional side of feeling sexy and on my site Finally Getting Fit, I’ll be talking more about the physical side.

I’m not sure if it’s an absolute necessity in a relationship, but I think the ways my husband makes me feel sexy (and how I make him feel sexy) helps us to have a stronger relationship.

Even three years after we first met, we still sometimes get in these play arguments about “I can’t believe you fell in love with me” followed by “No, I can’t believe you fell in love with me”. Yes, it probably sounds a bit silly and young love-ish, but it shows we’re still in love with each other’s whole personality.

Mr. JM often makes me feel sexy when he talks about how proud he is of me. It may seem strange, but I didn’t have a lot of faith in myself or my abilities growing up. So when he talks about his pride in my accomplishments, I feel like a competent, talented, sexy woman.

Along the lines of what Jenera mentioned, I feel very sexy when I think about how this wonderful man has chosen me to be his partner in life and mother to his children. It’s strange to explain, but I feel truly ‘woman’ – in all essences of the word – when I am with him.

When do you feel sexy and how does your partner contribute?

Have you ever had one of those moments after you’ve said or done something when you realize that you really wish you hadn’t done or said that thing?

Of course you have. We all have.

I have decided that after I get the recipe and patent for mind soap all squared away, I’m going to invent a time machine. Alternatively, I might invent the SPAR machine (Stupidity Prevention And Removal machine), but I’m leaning towards a time machine as being the easier option.

(You see, a time machine not only enables us to take back our stupid moments but to learn from them as well.)

Why?

I’m a friendly person by nature and, being such a person, I tend to forget that not everyone is friendly as me. In fact, I’ve heard there are nasty people out there who dream of hitting friendly, cheerful people on their heads with shovels. So when I send out a friendly message to someone and get a not-so-friendly message in return, I tend to feel not only upset but embarrassed as well.

But such is the nature of relationships. You have to be observant. As much as it would make everyone else in the world easier to deal with if they were clones of you, it would make the world boring as well. (Unless you have some very kinky fantasies.)

Another thing I have to remember when things like this happen is that you have to put yourself in other people’s shoes. Look at things from their viewpoint. That won’t save you from all the in-the-moment stumbles, but if you take three seconds to think before you send an email, make that phone call, respond to what that person said, you could save yourself (and your relationships) a lot of embarrassment and bad feelings.

Better to be observant and have empathy for people that to sit around waiting for my time machine, eh?

As a good friend sometimes needs to remind me, “Relationships are constantly under negotiation.” They have an ebb and flow which means that not-so-great points are unavoidable. They are a natural part of a healthy relationship.

A natural part I just happen to loathe with all my being.

This past weekend was not a long one in the three day weekend kind of way; it was long in the ‘things aren’t great in paradise’ way. Like all too many people across the world, we are feeling the crunch of having to tighten our wallets. Lately, everything that should be wonderful landmarks along the path of a relationship – our first pet, owning our first house, having a baby – have just turned into stresses because they seem like impossible dreams.

With those things weighing on us, it’s not entirely surprising that we end up biting and snarling occasionally. But if there is one thing that I pride myself on when it comes to my relationship with my husband, it’s our level of communication.

It wasn’t easy – uncomfortable silences and breaks from the conversation happened more than once – but we did talk it out. We worked on things. We both stated our sides and then tried to trade places to understand how the other person felt.

The ending wasn’t shiny, wrapped up in a pink bow, or even what I had originally hope it would be. But it worked for both of us, and compromise is what really counts in the end.

Forgive me if I’m a bit tired today. The weather is dreary, I’m feeling less than 100%, and after a long weekend, I’m eager for some TLC.

I found this meme over at Jenera’s blog and thought it might be fun to share a little bit about Mr. JM. Feel free to join in. Leave your answers or a link in the comments.

1. He’s sitting in front of the TV: what is on the screen?
Oh, probably the cricket when we’re in the right season. Otherwise a documentary.

2. You are out to eat: What kind of dressing does he put on his salad?
He eats salad? No one told me that. He does make me a fantastic dressing for my salads.

3. What is the one food he doesn’t like?
Tripe

4. You go out to the bar: what does he order?
A Guinness if he’s spoiling himself, a James Boags (if it’s on tap) if he’s relaxing, and a red wine if he’s watching his diet.

5. Where did he go to high school?
Orbost High

6. What size shoe does he wear?
Almost exactly the same size I do. (I have big feet.)

7. If he were to collect anything, what would it be?
Strange and interesting artifacts from around the world.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
Ham, chicken and cheese.

9. What would the husband eat every day if he could?
I don’t think he would voluntarily eat anything every day. I’d go with seafood in general.

10. What is his favorite cereal?
He doesn’t eat cereal. He’s doing smoothies now, but his usual is oatmeal.

11. What would he never wear?
Pink

12. What is his favorite sports team?
Probably the Australia cricket team

13. Who will he vote for?
I don’t know if he will vote. He might just write “piss off, you lot” the next time he has to go in. (We’re talking Aussie elections, by the way.)

14. Who is his best friend?
I don’t know that he has a ‘best’ friend, really.

5. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do?
Forget about things. Hehe.

16. How many states has he lived in?
I’m pretty sure he’s only ever lived in two - Victoria and Western Australia. I could be wrong with that, though; he has moved a lot.

17. What is his heritage?
We’re not entirely sure, but he has some Jewish in him.

18. You bake him a cake for his birthday: what kind?
Lemon meringue

19. Did he play sports in high school?
Footy, I think.

20. What could he spend hours doing?
Surfing the internet, watching videos, researching his various interests

I may technically be away at the moment, but that doesn’t mean we have to put the Friday Free-for-All on hold.

Inspired by the Weekend Soiree over at Wifely Steps (and pretty much using her idea, to be honest, but you can go over there and play on her site as well!), we’re going to have a bit of conversation here on site. I’ll be responding when and where I can, but it would be great for the readers to respond to each other as well.

If you make a comment and it doesn’t show up, let me know using the ‘contact me’ button under the site description on the right. That way, as soon as I see the email I can rescue it from the depths of the spam filter. But, seeing as the spam filter is no longer regarding me as spam, I’m hoping none of you will have any problem.

The way the game works is this:

I pick a theme that we’ll be talking about and will start off things with a question. The first person to come along will then answer that question and ask another question still relating to the theme.

Eg. The theme is peanut butter. I ask, “Do you like peanut butter?” Someone answers and at the end of the comment asks, “When was the first time you tried peanut butter?” So on and so forth.

Easy? Yes, I thought so. Which brings me to the theme and the question for this week:

Theme: First Impressions

Question: What is the first thing you noticed about your partner when you met?

Hi everyone! I hope you are all having a lovely week.

It’s time again for the Love Question of the week, but things have changed a little since last time…

Things are going to run a bit differently today because, as I mentioned, I have volunteered to take over the duties of posting the weekly Love Question from Aud. She’s taking a little break from the weekly meme, and I couldn’t be more happy to take over.

The whole thing is going to work completely the same, just in a different location. I would like to start the link love going again for this as well, so make sure you leave a link to your answer in the comments section and link to the sites featured with the questions.

On to the question…

Blogging is huge. You don’t need me to tell you that. Thousands of people blog and many of those people have multiple blogs. I write on blogs professionally as well as maintain personal blogs.

When it comes to blogging about your life and relationships, it’s easy to succumb to the temptation of revealing all. Everything from in the bedroom to at work, a blog can be a great way to get it all out there. I know people who get down to the nitty gritty of everything – including their relationship with their partners/spouses – on their blog.

But just because you can doesn’t mean you should. So, for Love Question 24, I want to know:

Do you/would you blog about personal things that include other people? Where do you draw the line (if anywhere) for what is and isn’t too personal?

I’m quite interested to read everybody’s answers.

This week, make sure you link to Aud, who got this whole thing started over on Short Sweet Love Poems.

Thank you to everyone who participates.

Aaaaaah, I feel better. It’s nice to just finally come out and admit it. I’m behind, behind, behind and trying to catch up. Will I actually do it? Perhaps. All I know is that it’s already noon at the point I’m typing this and I still have a lot left to do.

Maybe I’m a stress addict? That has to be it. There is something in me that loves the stress of being behind, but there is such a delicate scale there that it’s constantly going from stress I can deal with to stress that nearly overwhelms me.

It’s at times like these that my husband really impresses me.

I rarely hear him say that he’s running behind. In anything. Yes, he has said it before, but I’m sure he’s said it less than a dozen times since we’ve met.

In the times he does admit it, he is completely unlike me. He isn’t flustered when he says it. He isn’t particularly stressed. He just plain gets caught up.

Maybe it’s the Mars/Venus thing happening here. He sees running behind as a thing that can and will be fixed. When I’m behind, I think of all the other things I want/need to do, whether people will notice I’m behind, whether the people who notice I’m behind will think less of me for being behind (because I am behind more often than not…)…

I think I need more pictures of my husband on my desk. As reminders that the world is not ending because I’m late with this or that. (Well, the world might be ending when I’m late late - if you know what I mean - but that’s not what I’m talking about.)

So this is me saying I’m behind. I am catching up, though. I volunteered to take over the Love Questions from Aud while she has a rest, so Love Question 24 will be appearing here soon…

As I’m typing this, I’m looking forward to going to bed. My feet hurt, my legs are sore and the headache that started on Monday still hasn’t gone away.

But it’s all worth it.

A couple weeks ago, my medicare card expired. Because I have applied for permanent residency on the grounds of being married to an Aussie, that means I can be treated by doctors here under the same system all Australians are treated under. However, it also means that my medicare card was only valid for one year. And when it expires, I need to go in, prove all over again that I’m here, married, living in the same place, etc.

That would be fine and well, but since I got my last medicare card, I’ve gotten my passport changed to my married name (and corrected the spelling of my first name). The problem with that is that I went into the medicare offices for the second time (the first time I didn’t realize I had to bring all the paperwork) and they told me I have to bring my old passport with my maiden name. And that I have to get yet another card with my maiden name because the visa is still in my maiden name…

So on and so forth. It turns out I’m stuck with my maiden name at least until next June when I will get a review and granted permanent residency.

I was always eager to change my maiden name because of my less than shiny family background as well as my love for new things. (I love new pens the best. Yum.) I have a friend who is nearly the opposite. She decided to go the way of the hyphenated last name when she got married.

Either way is fine with me. People have reasons for what they do and I’m not one to judge. I am curious, though…

Would you/did you change your last name (no matter if you’re male or female)? Would you/did you get it hyphenated? Would it be/was it a big deal or ‘just the way it’s usually done’?

Long Relationships is up for an award! There is a lot of excellent ‘competition’ for this one, so I’m very happy to be a part of it.

I wouldn’t usually promote anything you need to sign up to vote for, but Divine Caroline is a great site with a lot of excellent articles and conversation going on. Once you’ve signed up, you can write your own articles, comment on other peoples’ articles and all sorts of other things.

It’s definitely worth checking out, even if you don’t care to vote for me. I appreciate everyone who does, though! Honestly, I don’t think I can get the number of votes some of the other sites are getting, but I do appreciate every single one I get.

In other news…

This weekend has been a bit weird. I have a sore wrist thing going on (that I have had off and on for years) and I finally decided to go in and get something done about it… And it turns out that he couldn’t do anything right then and there because he wants to ultrasound my wrist first (and let it get as worse as it can get in the waiting time).

A bit frustrating (and painful), but we do what we must.

Mr. JM, of course, had plenty of fun at my expense. He made frequent comments about chopping of my hand and such. You should have seen his eyes light up when the doctor mentioned one treatment for ganglion cysts is to slam a thick book down on your wrists.

Oy.

The good news out of all of this is that I can still type and I have time to create an emergency stash of posts should things get worse and/or require surgery.

One more note: Be sure to stop back later this week! I’ve volunteered to take over Love Questions for the time being. Should be fun…

I may technically be away at the moment, but that doesn’t mean we have to put the Friday Free-for-All on hold.

Inspired by the Weekend Soiree over at Wifely Steps (and pretty much using her idea, to be honest, but you can go over there and play on her site as well!), we’re going to have a bit of conversation here on site. I’ll be responding when and where I can, but it would be great for the readers to respond to each other as well.

If you make a comment and it doesn’t show up, let me know using the ‘contact me’ button under the site description on the right. That way, as soon as I see the email I can rescue it from the depths of the spam filter. But, seeing as the spam filter is no longer regarding me as spam, I’m hoping none of you will have any problem.

The way the game works is this:

I pick a theme that we’ll be talking about and will start off things with a question. The first person to come along will then answer that question and ask another question still relating to the theme.

Eg. The theme is peanut butter. I ask, “Do you like peanut butter?” Someone answers and at the end of the comment asks, “When was the first time you tried peanut butter?” So on and so forth.

Easy? Yes, I thought so. Which brings me to the theme and the question for this week:

Theme: In the Bedroom

Question: What colour(s) are your bedroom walls?

I have a dear friend who lives in Canada and has been friends with me and my husband since the beginning of our relationship. She’s been there with us through the highs and lows of our relationship as well as our (the three of us) relationships with other people. It’s no big surprise she’s special to me and Mr. JM.

But, living in Canada and with us living in Australia, it’s not always easy to catch up. With time zone differences, work and social commitments, etc, it’s not always easy to talk to each other.

But it’s always worth it.

Though I’ve been back for nearly a week, today is the first day we finally got to catch up about what’s been going on in our lives. I don’t have a lot of close female friends here, so having someone to gasbag with about this and that is always nice. It’s always especially nice to talk to Hawke because of the shared history.

I can talk to her about anything and she never gets sick of anything. I go on tangents about sex, men, children, relationships and whatever else, and she’s always right there with me about it all.

She’s an awesome person and I love knowing that she’s always right there for me online, even though she can’t be right there for me in person. (Someday I’ll get her on a plane over here…)

Do you have a bestie? Take time on your blog to talk about your friend(s) and leave a link in the comments here.

I’m not even back a week and I’m already behind. How is that for not changing bad habits. Ha!

I thought I would be a couple questions behind for Short Sweet Love Poems’ Love Questions, but it seems she is taking a little holiday herself, so I only have this one to catch up on. Come back soon Aud! I like the Love Qs too much to leave them be.

This week’s Love Q is focused on the ladies. Just a simple general question that have to do with your own preferences when it comes to men.

Don’t be greedy and tell me you want both, ok? Just for fun, pick one and tell me why one is better than the other for you.

Oh, I don’t have to be greedy with this one! Funnily enough, I answered this question when I was young and I have never wavered in my answer:

Brains

Oh, brawn is wonderful, of course, and I have been fortunate enough to find a man of high intelligence who is eye candy as well, but I have been decided on brains since I was first interested in boys/men.

My logic is this: If the world came to some catastrophe, a man with brawn could protect me from harm (if I needed protecting). However, a man with brawn can not only think of ways to protect us both but also ways to survive. If there is anything he/we couldn’t do ourselves, a man with brains could come up with ways to get the jobs done.

So yes, definitely brains.

How about you?

Scene: Aged care facility serviced by the company my husband works for.

D: …which means that family is very important to you. Because you don’t have a good family background, it’s important for you to start a good family. [Gives Mr. JM a look.]
Mr. JM: What?
Me: [giggles]

I’m beginning to feel sorry for my husband, despite the fact I warned him it would happen.

Once you hit your first wedding anniversary and you don’t have any children, it’s only a matter of time before people start prodding you about children. If you don’t want children and make that clear, then you should be fine. However, if you’re like me and Mr. JM – you want children sometime in the future – then the road you travel is a bit more annoying.

Because he sees more people during the day and most of his coworkers know me, Mr. JM is taking the brunt of ‘is she pregnant yet?’ prodding. I’ve been asked about children a couple times while volunteering there – even the ‘are you pregnant yet?’ question – but I haven’t had nearly the amount of commentary he has.

The thing is – and I feel horrible about this – I’m almost, almost, glad that people are mentioning things so he thinks about it without me having to mention it.

Bad JM. Bad wife.

But I do feel bad for him.

~
PS. I think Mr. JM needs a new blog name here. “Mr. JM” is all fine and well, but… What do you think?