Long Relationships

Hello and happy (late) Friday! I know this is a little late, but I’m hoping to make this a regular thing here. When we’ve done it, people have enjoyed it, so here’s to things we enjoy and conversation!

Inspired by the Weekend Soiree over at Wifely Steps (and pretty much using her idea, to be honest, but you can go over there and play on her site as well!), we’re going to have a bit of conversation here on site. I’ll be responding when and where I can, but it would be great for the readers to respond to each other as well.

If you make a comment and it doesn’t show up, let me know using the ‘contact me’ button under the site description on the right. That way, as soon as I see the email I can rescue it from the depths of the spam filter. But, seeing as the spam filter is no longer regarding me as spam, I’m hoping none of you will have any problem.

The way the game works is this:

I pick a theme that we’ll be talking about and will start off things with a question. The first person to come along will then answer that question and ask another question still relating to the theme.

Eg. The theme is peanut butter. I ask, “Do you like peanut butter?” Someone answers and at the end of the comment asks, “When was the first time you tried peanut butter?” So on and so forth.

Easy? Yes, I thought so. Which brings me to the theme and the question for this week:

Theme: Best Friends

Question: Do you have a best friend?

It’s that time again and we have another interesting question from Short Sweet Love Poems. Given the answers to the previous questions, I’m curious to see what people have to say about this one.

If you answered on your blog, leave a link in the comments here. If you don’t have a blog, then join in the discussion here and check out the main page (linked above) for comments from other participants.

This week’s question:

In many relationships, it comes a point when the thought of marriage will creep into the picture for the woman. She longs for the commitment and security of a married life with the one she loves but unfortunately, the man may not have the same thought yet.

So for Love Q #18: How do you feel about a woman proposing to a man? For those women out there, would you be comfortable doing so if you truly feel you are ready for marriage?

I don’t feel much of anything, to be honest. If she wants to do it, then why not?

I suppose I’m old fashioned in many ways, but in this, I don’t think it’s a big deal or particularly scandalous if the woman wants to ask the man to marry her.

The only thing about this would be, for me, that you know your man well before deciding to pop the question. (Yes, you should know him well for marriage sake, but bear with me…) If you’re with the kind of guy who likes to be ‘the man’ then he might not take you proposing very well.

But had my husband not asked first, I would have asked. No drama.

Saving money in my household hasn’t been extremely hard by any means but neither has it been very easy. My husband and I both grew up in families where money – for various reasons – was something to have as a secret and spend as soon as you can so no one can take it from you. So, while saving money isn’t impossible for us, it’s sometimes hard not to give in to the temptation of going out for the night.

But, like all couples, we have bills, goals and trips to take (for work and for pleasure).

Early this year, after noticing all the change that built up in what we used as the laundry change bowl before we got a washing machine, I thought we could keep on doing the same thing with all our coins. (Australian has $1 and $2 coins as well as five cents, ten cents, etc.) So I left the bowl for the silver change (coins under $1) and set up a jar for the gold coins ($1 and $2).

I have to say, it’s probably one of the better things I have done to help us save money.

For the first half of the year, we saved up money to help pay off the $500+ car registration fee in July. We didn’t expect to save the full amount, but we were very pleasantly surprised to have saved more than half the fee. That really helped us get out of the tight mid-winter financial squeeze we usually go through.

Then I went to the doctor and have since been having such good results that we decided it would be a good idea for my husband to go as well. The first appointment costs $100, so we decided to save up for that. Once again combining the silver and gold coins saved, we already have $100 and the appointment isn’t for another two weeks.

It may not seem like a lot when you’re putting the change in the jar, but it sure can add up fast. Having the spare change jar and bowl has helped us save for important things so we don’t always have to be thinking in terms of money and can think more in terms of what we really need. It’s also getting us easily into the habit of saving more.

Do you find it easy or hard to save money? Do you have any simple saving tricks to help things along?

As I have probably mentioned across my sites hundreds of times already, I am currently on a six week restricted diet. With no alcohol, no chocolate, no mushrooms (I love mushrooms) and plenty of other ‘no, you can’t have this even if you love it because I’m evil and I like torturing people with food restrictions’ –

Ahem. Let’s try that again.

With so many restrictions on what I can and can’t eat and basically losing nearly all my comfort food (both unhealthy and healthy), my recent way of dealing with stress is talking to my husband more. (The poor man.)

We were out having Greek the other night (thankfully I can still eat most of the yummy food they have on offer) and I was talking about how everything was going.

After telling him how much weight I’ve lost so far, etc, I said, “The most difficult part of this whole thing is the eating every three hours. Sometimes I just plain don’t want to eat.”

He thought about it a moment. “Well, you could always eat smaller things. Even a half or a quarter of a banana is still eating.”

“I already make my portions smaller. Sometimes I’m just not hungry anyway and sometimes it’s a mental thing – I don’t want to see, smell or even think about food.”

“You could skip a meal. Spread the rest out a bit.”

“No, I can’t, really,” I said, picking at my food with a bit of irritation. “I need to stick with what she says, at least for the six weeks. The whole point of eating so often is to steady out my blood sugar.”

At that point he opened his mouth to make another suggestion but stopped and just grinned. “This is another one of those Mars and Venus things. I want to fix the problem and – ”

“And I just want to complain a bit,” I said and then laughed.

There is a lot to be said for seeing something for what it is rather than simply reacting based on emotions.

This past weekend was a busy one full of making a mess of the flat, doing laundry, building furniture (we bought two new bookshelves and a new bed, all of which we had to put together) and grocery shopping. It was definitely more active than our usual weekend, but as we finally got the chance to sleep on our new bed last night, it all felt worth it.

On Saturday, the man and I were both pretty tired after a hard week of work, so we decided to heck with it and took an afternoon nap. It was wonderful to have the time to rest as well as well as cuddle a bit and just be with each other.

I woke up a bit before he did, though, and I got to thinking about our lives and how nice it was that we could just take an afternoon nap. While it wasn’t a new experience for me, by any means, it was one of life’s little moments that I have come to so appreciate.

After a while of just blissing off, the thought occurred to me that if we had a child, random afternoon naps would steadily go from ‘whenever’ to ‘never’.

While I sometimes feel down about not having a child and starting a family just yet, it’s times like these that I feel good about not rushing things. The maternal instincts are steadily growing stronger but so is the appreciation for the quiet times I spend with my husband.

Hello and happy Friday everyone. (This is going up after Friday, but I hope you had an excellent Friday anyway!)

I recently got to talking to someone who wanted links to all the sites I write at. I’m usually a bit shy about these things - especially to people I know in person - but he seemed quite eager to read, so I shared the links with him.

Thinking about that, I began looking back through all I have written here on Long Relationships and found quite a few posts that I like. So, for anyone who is new here or hasn’t been here since I’ve started writing here, I present you with links to some of my favourite posts (up through April of this year).

Enjoy.

*Family Matters - A post that explores the surface of parental influences on our relationships.

*When You Know It’s Love… - When did you know it was love?

*Stress and Your Spouse - Three quick tips for helping your partner relax.

*Series on Stalking - Stalking, Cyberstalking, Prevent Becoming a Victim, If You’re a Victim

*Series on Sex - Sex, Talking About Sex, No Sex Spouse, No Sex Spouse Part Two, T13 - The Sex Talk Edition

*A Kid’s View on Marriage - Cute marriage Q&A session with kids.

*Paying For Sex - My thoughts on a news story about a woman paying for sex.

*The Bubble Bath - On the importance of ‘me’ time.

*Relationships and Dieting - The Couple on a Diet, Weighty Relationships, Thirteen Things To Do/Not Do When Your Partner Is Dieting

*Kiss and Tell - How much do you share with other people?

*Dealing With Judgmental People

*Not Your Momma’s Relationship

Woohoo! I have been given an award from the lovely Jenera who writes at Just Me. She gave it to me a few days ago, but this is the first chance I’ve had to put it up.

So thank you to Jenera! Blog awards are fun. They’re like mail (real mail, not junk or bills) – sending and receiving are both fun.

And now I get to award some people as well… I can’t really award Jenera (because she awarded me) and she’s awarded Randi, so that makes two people I would award, but can’t. So, I’m thinking of you! I didn’t want you to feel left out or anything.

With that being said, on to awarding people!

Oh, wait… I should mention…

Shannon has a lot of great input here on LR, so if she had a blog, I would no doubt give her this award. I just thought I would mention…

I’d like to give this award to:

*Aud from the Short Sweet Love Poems blog. She provides us with the fun weekly Love Questions meme.

*Katrinastonoff from Stone Soup. She gives away books pretty much every single Monday just because she can. How awesome is that?

*Susan at West of Mars. An all-in-all cool lady to know who blogs often about the fictional world and characters she has created.

*Toni at Wifely Steps. I’m pretty much a complete lurker at her blog, but I enjoy it a lot and she’s the one who came up with the Weekend Soiree (known on this site as the Friday Free-for-All). She blogs about food, marriage and more.

So there you have it. Ladies, I hope you enjoy your awards.

And now for this week’s question from Short Sweet Love Poems.

Usually, in the early days of a relationship or marriage, buying each other gifts especially on certain occasions is a must. We take the trouble and the time to shop for a gift to make it really special.

So, for Love Q #17, let me pose this: Do you think buying gifts is important in a relationship? And do you expect a gift from your partner now and then?

Oh, this one should get some interesting responses.

I don’t think gift buying in a relationship is as important as simply showing you care. If you show you care by buying gifts, then so be it, but that’s not the only thing you can do. We place a lot of importance on material things these days, so it’s certainly not surprising that gift giving has been moved out of the ‘ways to show you care’ into its own category.

I definitely don’t expect gifts from my partner, except for maybe on Christmas. Otherwise, not at all. Heck, I even forgot about my birthday a couple weeks ago until my husband mentioned that he need to do some ‘by himself’ shopping.

He’s bought me things, brought home flowers, etc, but to be honest, I’m more impressed and happy when he cooks dinner or runs me a hot bath. It doesn’t cost a thing but it shows he’s thinking about me and cares.

As you know, I’m running a little behind on things, so this question is actually from last week. It’s an interesting question, though, and I would like to take the time to answer it.

Love Question 16:

These days, for every marriage almost half ends in divorce. People no longer treat marriage as a ’till-death-do-us-part’ arrangement unlike the past. Instead when things get rough, divorce is a very viable option because a divorcee no longer faces any social stigmas associated with a failed marriage.

So, for Love Q #16: Is the idea of marriage outdated?

How to begin this one…

It’s my opinion that the news, newspapers, etc play up the sad and dramatic stories because they know that’s what will draw people in. In many places, crime has gone down and yet people are more afraid to go out of their homes than ever. That’s because crime gets reported; people (like cops) doing their jobs well doesn’t get reported.

So while the world is certainly changing and marriage isn’t quite the concrete building it used to be, I don’t think it has yet passed into the realm of ‘outdated’. Marriage is more than just ‘sticking with someone’ no matter what. It’s commitment, bonding, a declaration of love, and so much more (if you want it to be).

The idea that marriage is meant to keep you together forever? Yeah, perhaps that is becoming ignored, if not outdated. Marriage, the whole thing and all its meanings, outdated? Not quite yet.

I read somewhere that you shouldn’t apologize on your blog if you have an absence, but I think that’s a bit strange. A tad rude, too, but mostly strange.

So I’ll do as I like on my blogs, yes?

As you may have noticed, I took a small break from this (and my other) sites. I needed to take some time away from the computer for not only a mental break but to rearrange furniture and clean. The man and I now have little office spaces set up in the lounge and I’m finally writing at a desk again!

I’ll catch up with the Love Questions and we’ll have another Friday Free-for-All. Now that you’ve been warned, you have to stop by and say hello to your fellow LR readers.

I recently (as in, a few hours ago) got into a little discussion about relationships with a significant age gap between the two partners. He (the friend) will actually be interviewing my husband and me later this week on the subject.

Age gaps in relationships is a topic I would like to explore here, but before I do that, I’d like to know if any of the readers here have a significant age gap in your relationships. If you do, I’d love to hear from you. Either email me or leave a comment here if you’d like to talk.

Also, I’m looking for people to cover for me with guest posts while I’m away in the beginning of October. (The way things are looking at the moment, I’ll never get ahead enough to write posts to cover those days.) If you are interested in helping me out – even if you don’t have any post ideas, you can still email me and let me know.

What’s in it for you? Well, I will link all your posts to your website(s) so people will know where to find more of your writing.

I also might just have a little gift of appreciation for all guest posters as well…

That’s it for today. I hope you all have an excellent start of the week.

My lovely friend Jenera put out an open tag on her blog and, well, I always find it hard to resist a tag. And hey, this way we’ll all get to know some weird things about each other. Fun, right?

First you post the rules:

1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks you possess.
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.

So on to my six quirky things…

1. When I (used to) eat M&Ms, I eat them in twos.
2. I have a tamagotchi. Yep, that’s right. It’s all mine, not passed on from someone, bought as a present for me. I’m a kid at heart.
3. I don’t think tattoos are especially quirky, but I have two – one on each wrist – and I’m planning on getting more.
4. Before I came to Australia, I hated broccoli, mushrooms, pumpkin, sweet potato, all sorts of things… Now I love them. I think it’s my husband’s cooking.
5. I absolutely love strategy/planning/’god’ computer games. Sim City especially. Building cities and civilizations and watching them flourish? I love it.
6. I love, love, love office supplies. Pens, papers, notebooks, etc. Mmmm.

Haha. Now you know more about me than you ever wanted to know now.

I am going to do what Jenera did and invite everyone to participate in the tag. Either leave a comment with your answers or leave a link to your answers on your blog.

A couple weeks ago for the Love Questions meme, Aud asked about money and relationships. Of course, as with many questions about relationships, the opinions on the subject varied from person to person.

I was later cruising around the net looking at love and relationships articles when I found this article: Is Money the Real Reason for Most Divorces?

In the article, the author states: “I believe that the real reason that most divorces happen is due to the fact that we don’t know how to communicate with each other about money. We don’t know how to talk about money to our spouses and loved ones. It is like a secret behind close doors to talk about money. We are afraid to share that we spent more then we should have to our spouses. We are afraid to share our true feelings about money.”

That got me thinking… And I halfway agree with her.

The article was short and to the point, which was nice, but as is the case with just saying ‘money causes most divorces’, I think the author still oversimplified the matter.

My husband and I are by no means afraid to talk about money. In fact, we talk about it often because we’d like to buy a house, have children, etc in the future. With bills and the housing market here, it’s hard not to talk about money. But does that mean we’re free and clear of stress just because we can talk about it?

Of course not. Not being able to do what we dream for lack of money is hard and can get upsetting, which leaves us both feeling less than happy.

Have you ever fought over money? Does money put (ever put) a strain on your marriage? Do you think that money causes divorces or a lack of communication about money?

Is it Monday already? Bah.

Thank you to everyone who wished me a good birthday. I had a great time and a lot of fun.

The morning started out with kisses and presents in bed after a nice sleep in. My husband got me an absolutely gorgeous ring (I’ll have to see if I can take a nice picture of it) as well as a cute little toy that I have been after. I always wanted one as a kid and I don’t see why something as silly as age should keep me from having fun.

That was followed by a bit of a lazy morning before we headed off to a wonderful lunch. Because of my current diet restrictions I couldn’t have cake or anything like that, but I still enjoyed myself with the yummy healthy food that was on offer.

We planned to go see a movie, but we had a little time before we needed to be there, so we went for a nice, leisurely drive around the area – something I absolutely love doing because there are so many gorgeous sights around here (and around all of Australia) – and then came back home for a little bit. (To play a few moves on our games of scrabble.)

Then it was off to see Hancock, which we both enjoyed. Again, no movie treats, but I didn’t get stopped for bringing in non-theatre stuff (it was from just downstairs) so everything was fine. (I am supposed to eat every few hours, so it was necessary to bring something.)

After that, back home to more scrabble, a movie, and a wonderful night.

What a lovely day. I hope you all had an excellent weekend.

It’s that time again this week and Short Sweet Love Poems has another thought-provoking question for us to answer. If you answer these questions on your own blog, be sure to leave me a link in the comments.

In many relationships, people grow out of love. They change along the way with one partner drifting further and further away from the other on an emotional level.

It is a sad situation but I think it is also a reality among many married couples today.

My question to you this week for Love Q #15: Should couples stay together for the sake of the kids when love is no longer present? Can it work?

While I have no doubt it can work at a functional level, I don’t believe couples should stay together just for the kids.

It’s no secret that the things we observe in childhood influence us as adults. It’s been proven in studies (you’re going to have to take my word for it because I can’t find the study I have in mind) that we are attracted to people with similar backgrounds. With those things working for most of us in our relationships, we’re likely to repeat what our parents have done in both good and bad things.

While you could argue that divorce might lead to a higher chance of divorce for the children, isn’t demonstrating doing what is good for people involved is better than staying in situations simply for the sake of others? The children may not understand at the time, but if you are open and honest about what is going on, they eventually will.

What do you think?