Long Relationships

Because it’s the weekend and because I haven’t had such a good laugh in a long time.

Have a great weekend.

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***

It’s another week and that means Short Sweet Love Poems has another question for us that has to do with love…

I know I have written about this before in my other blog but I think this one does make an interesting debate.

All females want equality but some still prefer their partners to be old-fashioned gentlemen. Other women, on the other hand, would like everything to be on an equal footing. So, when it comes to the first date, this question arises for Love Q #5:

Do you think a man should pay on the first date and if he doesn’t, what would be your impression of him?

I think a good general rule of thumb is that the person who asks pays. If I asked a guy to go to the movies or out to dinner, I’d expect to pay for the date. If he asked, I’d bring money, but I’d expect him to pay.

That said, if a guy insisted on paying, then that’s fine.

What would I think of him… I think if a guy asked me out and then didn’t pay, then he wanted to go out as friends. I wouldn’t be insulted or anything like that.

Don’t forget to check out Annz and Mountaingirl to see what they have to say on the matter. If you are participating, be sure to leave a link here as well as at the SSLP page so we can all check out your answer.

I hope you all have a lovely Friday and a lovely weekend as well. Get outside and enjoy! Spend some time with the ones you love!

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***

I’m in a bit of a goofy mood, so bear with me. Oh, and this goes for a good, healthy marriage. (Or, you might argue, an idealistic one. Hehe.)

1. It’s a bit easier to get free sex. (Yeah, let’s get this one taken care of.) You don’t even have to leave the house.
2. Cuddles and snuggles and all that fun stuff.
3. Having someone to talk to and share things with.
4. Having someone you can shower love on. (I love having someone I can show love and devotion to as much as I want.)
5. Having someone who will be there for you through the tough times.
6. Massages. Mmmm.
7. ‘Just because’ presents and surprises.
8. Another mind and set of hands to help you through different projects. And someone whom you can help.
9. Having someone there to celebrate good times with you and be proud of your accomplishments.
10. Loving and being loved.
11. Healthy competition.
12. This is said to be a bad thing, but I think it can be good: Getting comfortable. Being with someone who knows what you look like naked, knows at least some of what you like, knows your bad habits, and loves you just the same.
13. Because if your relationship is healthy, you’ll move out of the rosy glow stage, the honeymoon stage, and on to the deep, lasting love stage, and that’s a wonderful feeling.

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***

Check out my other Thursday Thirteens at Fiction Scribe, Write Anyway, and The Book Stacks

I talk a lot about romantic relationships here and I can’t really help myself. I didn’t have a very healthy family relationship growing up. That is, now that I can look back on things. Times weren’t always bad, by any means, but times weren’t always that great either. And by the end (end meaning before I moved to Australia), well, let’s just say I’m still healing from all that.

I think it’s only natural that I talk about the healthy relationship in my life, which happens to be the romantic one. Marriage is, albeit, still quite new to me and I tend to get excited about them and want to share things. But that definitely doesn’t mean I’m not willing to talk about other relationships.

Like family.

I posted on my personal blog about a conversation I had with my husband last night. It all came down to me feeling frustrated about not being able to, as one person, have the positive impact on the world that I would like to. All around me I see racism, greed, and willful ignorance. It upsets me to no end.

A friend of mine commented and sympathized with how I was feeling. She knew what I was talking about and felt the same frustration at not being able to do much about it.

But instead of just leaving it at that, she offered me a glimmer of hope. A reminder of the awesome amount of good humanity can do. She sent me a link to something that reminds me there are truly loving family relationships out there and people do care.

So if you’re feeling negative or a little helpless, check out the link. Remember that you may be one person, but all the positive relationships you can keep are wonderful things. All the little things you can do for other people are wonderful things to.

Give of yourself to your brothers and sisters.

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***

Control isn’t always the easiest thing to talk about because it varies from couple to couple. On one extreme you have Dominants and submissives. On the other end you have married couples who split all the bills 50/50, do what they want, and somehow still make it all work.

So when I talk about it, I’m talking about those in the middle. Those who need at least some control, which is a natural part of having a relationship.

Yesterday I talked about a friend who emailed me while she was feeling crappy about her current situation. I saw her lacking control over the elements of her life and could relate to how she was feeling. When people try to control things that are distinctly your territory (your career path, your clothes, your hair cut, your hobbies) conflict arises.

There is a lot of give and take in all relationship areas. One of those areas is control and you both need to find a balance that works for you.

When I came to Australia, one of the first things my husband did was help me set up my own private bank account. One he has absolutely no access to. Therein was my first taste of something completely within my control, and I never looked back. After that came my career choices, clothing choices, etc.

While we discussed some of these choices, never did he once try to control what I was doing. And why should he? Those are the areas of my life that are personal to me and should be my choices. As should what line of work he wants to do is.

It’s all about balance.

Do you feel you have control in your relationship? Are you happy with the amount of control you have (or don’t have)?

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***

Recently, a friend emailed me while feeling very emotional about her current situation. I read her email and just about cried because I knew what she was going through. Not down to the exact elements of the situation but in the overall feelings, I could definitely relate.

When I was growing up, there wasn’t much I had control over. I suppose I could have tried to take control, but due to certain elements of my past, I did what I thought was expected of me. Be nice. Get good grades. Try to be an overachiever. Bring a good reputation to the family name. So on and so forth.

While there are those from my past who will disagree, I was primarily submissive. I wanted to just get things done that were expected of me and find what peace I could in life.

Having that little amount of control in my life was not good. It eventually affected all parts of my life, including mood. It got to the point of being so bad that big changes had to be made for me to survive and have the life I wanted. To have the control I needed.

While not having control of anything in life is appealing to the select few, most of us like to be part of a team in relationships. Give and take. I control my activities, you control yours, we work together to make them mesh nicely. It’s when someone tries to tip the balances of control that the problems happen…

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***

Woo-hoo! We have our second contest winner here on Long Relationships. This winner gets a very yummy block of delicious milk chocolate. Everyone give your hearty congratulations to:

Jenera!

Jenera, who writes on her personal blog Just Me ~ Mommy, Wife & Everything Between, won with her comment on Love, Play…Work Together?:

“I think Daniel and I could work together without problems. Though I’m not sure if it’d actually happen seeing as how I don’t drive truck and he can’t sit and do computer work, lol.

I think if you have the same work ethics and styles even if in different positions, it can work out just fine.”

If you would like to win your own lovely block of chocolate, don’t worry! There are still two blocks of milk chocolate and one block of dark chocolate waiting to be grabbed up by the person who lands on the right number comment.

Also remember that there is a special Australian prize pack waiting to go out to the person who makes the 100th comment. That won’t happen, though, unless we reach 100 comments by June 5th!

So keep stopping by and speaking your mind for your chance to win!

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***

Don’t forget to check out the Fiction Scribe 100 Comment Contest.

Since flying to Australia and moving in with my (now) husband, I have experienced a lot of firsts. I used to make a big deal about firsts because new experiences are so special to me. They still are special to me; I just don’t make as big of a deal about them.

Today I decided to share some of my firsts with you. Feel free to add some of your firsts in the comments section.

(Be warned - a lot of my firsts have to do with food.)

1. My first kiss. On the day I arrived in Australia.
2. Seeing “Ass” used as a menu item name.
3. Visiting a sex shop for the first time.
4. Trying (and absolutely loving) sushi.
5. My first legal alcoholic drink. (And getting drunk for the first time.)
6. Go to New Years Eve fireworks.
7. My first freelance writing job.
8. First time swimming in the ocean.
9. Trying a cookie with jam for the first time. (Actually not too bad.)
10. Going to my first writer’s conference.
11. Trying Japanese for the first time and loving it.
12. Trying Mongolian for the first time and loving it.
13. Having a book send to me to review for the first time.

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***

Check out my other Thursday Thirteens at Fiction Scribe, Write Anyway, and The Book Stacks

Dear Readers,

Recently my blog posts haven’t been coming up at all regularly. Sometimes there have been no posts for a length of time and then BAM a lot of posts, and other times it has been at least a little steady. I want to apologize to you all for not at least warning you that my life has been a bit wonky lately.

A few weeks back, I got sick enough to take me away from the computer some days. While I tried to stay caught up, it wasn’t easy.

Beyond that, a job opportunity recently came up. My husband and I discussed it and, while it was completely my decision to go for it, we could definitely use the money. I am paying bills just fine with my freelancing, but I’ll be paying them for the next ten years if something doesn’t change.

So I had to put together a resume and then go for the job interview after the week or so of being sick and along with road trips and volunteering.

Even with all this, I do know you all understand that life gets in the way of blogging sometimes (as it should). Despite that, I still wanted to apologize for things. As you can see, I have been a bit busy.

Thank you to everyone who has been commenting and participating in the contest going here until June 5th. Remember, we have to reach 100 comments before the 5th so someone can win the lovely Aussie prize pack I have on offer.

Thank you also to everyone who stops by, contest or not, and chimes in. It’s always nice to know I have readers out there who care enough about what I am saying to say something back.

Hugs and appreciation to you all. I hope each and every one of you has a wonderful weekend.

Brought to you by Short Sweet Love Poems

There is a saying that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. But to have loved and lost means painful negative emotions such as hurt, disappointment, betrayal, depression, anger and the feeling of being abandoned may take root in our hearts. This is true especially when a relationship sours. On the other hand, if there is no love affair, we don’t have to put ourselves at risk with these deep unhappy feelings although life may just be more monotonous.

So for Love Q #4: Is it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

I absolutely agree with the statement that’s it’s better to have loved and lost, but I have a sort of optimistic reasoning for it, strangely enough.

As much as I admire the romantic qualities of going out with one person in school and eventually marrying them, I think that only works for a small part of the population. Many more of us change too much in a lifetime to stay with the person we date in school.

I mean, think about the person you went out with in school – would you date him/her now? Would you mesh? Are you at all the person you were in school?

Loving and losing, while it hurts, teaches us what works for us and what doesn’t. I was never one to let a relationship experience go to waste and took at least one lesson from each of the relationships I had. While it didn’t help me avoid the relationships to follow that didn’t work out, I did ‘move up’ in the dating guys world until I met my husband.

So while I don’t condemn first love, only love relationships, I think it’s healthy to get out there and learn about not only what you want in relationships but about who you are in relationships.

Be sure to stop by and see what Mae has to say.

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***

As the time draws nearer for me to find out if I will be working at the same company my husband works for, my mind wanders to the subject of working with your significant other…

Ever since I announced my intention to apply for the job, I have received a lot of support. I volunteer there regularly, so many people know my work style already. However, I have had a few comments come my way about working with my husband.

We wouldn’t be working directly together on a daily basis at all. I would be in reception and he works in the information services and technologies section. (Otherwise known as ‘he works at the help desk’.) I might need to call on him from time to time to help me with something, but that’s about it.

Even so, we still have had comments, laughs, and head shaking at the though of a husband and wife working together – even in different sections on opposite sites of the building.

I personally believe that we would be just fine. We can put aside our personal squabbles to get things done when they need to be done. But maybe I’m wrong? Maybe I can’t really know until it happens?

So I’m wondering:

Could you ever work with your significant other? If only in certain circumstances, what circumstances? Could you put yourself in a professional enough mindset to not let personal disputes effect working together? Do you think you would have an easy time but your partner wouldn’t? Vice versa?

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***

Compared to many, I (now) have an excellent life. I’m a freelance writer and professional blogger. That means I spend a lot of time in the comfort of my own home working at an occupation I love. While I don’t make a lot doing it, by any means, I do have enough to pay the bills.

Plus, who can put a price on happiness?

Recently, a job opportunity came up. The wages will be good, it’s a receptionist position (which I have done in nearly all my past jobs), I already know people at the company… Basically, it’s a good opportunity for me if I choose to take it.

However, taking this job would mean taking a bit of a step back from the name and freelancing career I have been building up over the past year and a half. While I wouldn’t be giving up all my work – certainly not! – I still wouldn’t be able to dedicate the time and effort I’m putting in now.

But I have to face facts. The money is good and we could definitely use it. We are trying to save up for a baby and hopefully a new house. That’s not going to happen any time soon if things don’t change.

While I don’t consider my situation a sacrifice, really, seeing as I don’t have to do it whether I want to or not, I can’t help but wonder…

What have you sacrificed for your relationship? Have you done anything you didn’t want to do for the sake of any aspect of your relationship? How did it turn out? Do you regret the decision or are you glad you did it?

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***

There are certain times in a relationship that you should know certain things. After a year of marriage, I have learned a thing or two…

1. Five of his favourite foods: lemon meringue pie, lamb, oysters, chicken parmas, Mongolian bbq
2. Sometimes you go to bed angry. Your marriage survives.
3. His clothing sizes. (Roughly. I don’t know exacts.)
4. It’s important to check in every now and then about how things are going in all areas.
5. His favourite colours: blue and green.
6. Personal time is important.
7. Three of his favourite bands/performers: ACDC, Tarot Suite, Tommy Emmanuel
8. Give and take, reach and withdraw.
9. At least five of his good/bad habits. (Nah, I’m not going to list them.
10. You may always love them, but you don’t always like them.
11. Three of his favourite television shows: Dr. Who, Torchwood, Top Gear
12.
13. When he wants a cuddle and when he wants to be left alone (though I sometimes ignore them…)

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***

Check out my other Thursday Thirteens at Fiction Scribe, Write Anyway, and The Book Stacks

More fun from Short Sweet Love Poems.

For this week, let’s have a little more fun. Just come up with 5 types of men that you can’t stand and whom you think a woman should never marry, apart from the usual gambler, alcoholic, drug addict, womaniser and abuser.

Different women do have different tastes and distastes in men so, let’s list out yours. Maybe you hate a miser or a control freak. Or perhaps you can’t stand a male chauvinist or someone who always think he is better than you. Whatever they are, list them out so, everyone can have a read.

Love Q #3: What are the 5 types of men that you can’t stand and whom you think a woman should never marry?

1. The Forever Bachelor – Likes the idea of marriage and settling down but is and always has been made to be a bachelor.

2. The “I Care On the Inside” Man – He cares, but he’s so tough and macho that he never (or rarely) shows it. I think it takes more balls to own up to how you feel.

3. Love ‘Em and Leave ‘Em Man – People don’t change unless something hugely dramatic happens. And even then most people don’t change. If he liked sleeping around then, commitment to you isn’t going to be his forte.

4. Mr. Indecisive – If it took him forever to go out with you, forever to propose, etc, and he waffled on those decisions, he’s probably not the kind of guy you should go for.

5. Mr. Tight Ass – Your finances are his finances. He wants the change. He wants to see the receipts. He has ideas on how you could better use your money, he always buys generic, and he never thinks of luxury at the end of a hard day. Need I say more?

Check out Nurin and Abbey for their answers.

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***

Yay! That’s right; we have our first winner of a very delicious block of DARK chocolate (and a couple of extra goodies thrown in just because). Everyone give your hearty congratulations to:

Sandra!

Sandra, who writes for Parenting Under the Stars here on the 451 network, won with her comment on Love Me to Love You?:

“I wouldn’t say I was at my highest point in self confidence when I married either. Sometimes you can grow together and make each other stronger though. I think the fact that you were careful with each other’s feelings is wonderful.

Just because someone appears to have higher self esteem or confidence doesn’t mean it’s ok to be highly critical or insulting either. Anyway I think being sensitive to others is a good quality and I would take that over some overly confident cocky insulter any day.”

If you would like to win your own lovely block of chocolate, don’t worry! There are still two blocks of milk chocolate and one block of dark chocolate waiting to be grabbed up by the person who lands on the right number comment.

Also remember that there is a special Australian prize pack waiting to go out to the person who makes the 100th comment. That won’t happen, though, unless we reach 100 comments by June 5th!

So keep stopping by and speaking your mind for your chance to win!

***This post is part of the Long Relationships 100 Comment Contest. Click on the link to find out how you can win.***

Don’t forget to check out the Fiction Scribe 100 Comment Contest.