Long Relationships

Hello everyone!

The lovely Elisa from Watching Doctor Who is our Our Story contributor this week. I hope you’ll stop in and say hello to her and enjoy her story…

How long have you been together? 8 years 5 months

How long did you date? 2 years 9 months

How old is he? 38

Who eats more? He does.

Who said ‘I love you’ first? I did after returning from my Grandfather’s funeral in Atlanta. One month after we started dating.

Who is taller? He is. (But then, I’m only five feet tall…so it isn’t difficult to be taller.)

Who is smarter? He is. No question. I mean, seriously. He has a Bachelor of Arts in Math and a Bachelor of Science in Physics. I have a B.A. in French and an M.L.I.S. You do the…er…math.

Who does the laundry? Me

Who does the dishes? Whoever can’t avoid it.
Sometimes the person who did not cook.

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? No one.

Who pays the bills? Me.

Who mows the lawn? We are certified lawn free.

Who cooks dinner? Me, unless he’s feeling creative.

Who is more stubborn? Him.

Who kissed who first? It was really more of a mutual thing.

Who asked who out? I asked him out to a work event on a boat. He’s sort of afraid of water, so this should have given me a clue that he liked me. (We were already friends.)

Who proposed? He wouldn’t let me propose, but it should be noted that I bought his wedding ring before he got around to it. I always say that I annoyed him into marrying me.

Who is more sensitive? Me, hands down.

Who has more friends? Me.

Happy Friday everyone!

Happy Friday indeed, if you’re in Victoria, Australia because next Monday is Labor Day so we get a three day weekend. (No, that doesn’t have anything to do with the weekend homework. It’s more just my personal happiness at getting to be greedy about my hubby.)

Earlier this week – yesterday, in fact – I listed thirteen ways you can make your bedroom a more romantic place. And why not? You sleep there, you have late night conversations with your partner there, you make love there… It should be a calming, relaxing, romantic place, shouldn’t it?

This weekend, I would like you to take a good look at your bedroom. What are the colours in the room? What pictures do you have around? Is it messy? Is it cluttered? Do you work, read, or watch television before bed and have all those things in there?

Take a good look at your bedroom and then decide on at least three things you would like to change in there to make your bedroom a more calming/relaxing/romantic place. Things that won’t cost you anything but time are usually the best things, but if you want to go out and by some new curtains or pillowcases, feel free!

Sometimes it’s the little things that make all the difference. You don’t need a new paint job and bedroom set (though if you want to and can afford it, more power to you) to make an environment more into what you want it to be.

Don’t forget – have a lovely weekend.

1. Candles. You can’t go wrong with candles. (Unless you do something like putting them under the curtains.)
2. If there is something annoying - flat pillows, scratchy blankets - fix it.
3. Get rid of clutter. Clutter not only gets in the way, it gives the bedroom a ‘busy’ feeling that can take away from romance.
4. Scents. Spray, candles, incense - do whatever you like as long as it’s subtle. Smelly rooms are not romantic.
5. Bring in a radio and play soft music.
6. Make the bedroom a sacred space. It’s not for television, it’s not for laundry, it’s not for anything but a private sanctuary for you and your partner.
7. Make sure the pictures on the walls are things both you and your partner like as well as things that are going to encourage romance. A picture of your parents isn’t exactly going to be encouraging.
8. Plants. Adding a plant can make things feel a bit exotic and make the room feel more full of life.
9. Going along with number six, take the television out of the bedroom. Studies have said (I’ll have to find the actual sources) that television in the bedroom leads to a decreased sex life.
10. Remember - red is good for an active sex life, but not for restful sleep. Pink is good for romance, but men aren’t exactly well known for liking pink…
11. Clean. No laundry on the floor, no stained pillowcases that need washing, no dust mites running around.
12. Close the door. Sometimes just closing the door can make a space feel more romantic and intimate.
13. Go through your knick-knacks. Things that are ‘cute’ or ‘childlike’ are things that could be hindering your romance without you even knowing it.

Check out my other Thursday Thirteens at Fiction Scribe, Write Anyway, and The Book Stacks

My mother used to have rows of romance novels on her book shelves. I used to love looking through them, giggling at the racy covers, then admiring the wonderful writing of these so-called ‘paperback porn novelists’. I looked forward to the day I could inherit the books I loved so much.

Years later, I went with my parents to a church. The pastor (preacher? reverend?) did a sermon on how romance novels are to women what porn is to men. Women, by reading romance novels, were putting unfair expectations on their current or future husbands.

Excuse me?

I was outraged. Did he really think that every single woman in the congregation was that stupid? Did he honestly thing that we were all sitting there either dreaming of the well-endowed yet sensitive man to come swashbuckling into each of our lives (or some were wishing their partners were that way)?

I forgot about it over the following weeks and went back to university. Mere hours away.
On a cold winter day, my mother called and informed me that not only had she gotten rid of all her romance novels, but she had destroyed them. It wasn’t enough to donate them to a charity store – she destroyed them.

I’m practically seething as I think about it and it’s been a couple years.

I can’t help but wonder – is there anyone out there who agrees with the pastor? (Don’t be afraid to say so. I won’t attack you or criticize you for your opinion.)

Is it possible that romance novels can be bad for relationships? Do they encourage feelings of resentment or unfair expectations?

I’d like to see what your opinions are on the subject.

Don’t you just love it when you end up having to take your own advice? That’s not exactly what I had to do tonight, but I did get the chance to see if I was taking my own advice when conflict happened in my own life.

As I said in a previous post, arguing is never fun. It’s a healthy thing that happens in relationships, but it’s more a necessary evil than anything. An evil I experienced while walking home with my husband.

When we got home, I sat down to write a post about arguing and remembered that I already had. I opened the saved word document and read through what advice I had given. Though I wasn’t happy to have to apply the advice, I was definitely pleased to see I could take my own advice.

My husband and I never yell at each other. Voices occasionally increase a little in volume, but that is much different from yelling.

We didn’t interrupt each other.

I made a conscious effort to make ‘I’ statements and my husband didn’t make any ‘you’ statements.

Last but not least, I can’t tell you what my husband was thinking about, but I can tell you in all honesty that – while I cooked dinner and he worked on his computer – I reminded myself tonight was not the end of the world and certainly not the end of our relationship. It may seem silly, but telling myself that did a lot to calm me down.

So now you all know that I don’t just spout advice, I take it as well.

The lovely Karen Lynch from Discussing Breast Cancer has sent me her answers to the Story of Us meme!

I hope you join me in welcoming her to the site and enjoy her ’story of us’.

How long have you been together? Timothy and I met 15 years ago — we just celebrated ten years of marriage. And having survived the marital stress that two bouts of breast cancer brings on makes that a monumental milestone in our books.

How long did you date? Five years.

How old is he? He’s six years younger than me, and while I’m not shy about my age, that’s all you really need to know!

Who eats more? If you mean quantity, him. If you mean variety, me.

Who said ‘I love you’ first? Tim said it first. But technically, the words just sort of fell out his mouth while we were sitting on the side of his bed one day.

Who is taller? Oh, he is. By several inches.

Who is smarter? I’m smarter in many practical ways, but he has got to have a higher IQ; intellectually, he’s the smartest man I know.

Who does the laundry? I do. And since this is a family of five I do it ALL THE TIME.

Who does the dishes? That would be me again … he’s not home most of the time our dishes need doing!

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Me!

Who pays the bills? Me!

Who mows the lawn? The guys we hired — there’s only so much I can do!

Who cooks dinner? Me! All this talk about chores — now you see why we were in such dire straights when I was in treatment. Looking back, it’s hard to believe anyone ate, any bills got paid, any dishes or laundry got done … but by the grace of God I had good friends and family members that lightened Tim’s load.

Who is more stubborn? That’s a toss up — we both like to get our way. Most of our fights end in a stalemate because neither of us are too good at compromise.

Who kissed who first? Tim spent weeks pursuing me, but when his hard work finally paid off, I believe it was I who planted the first one on him.

Who asked who out? Pretty much the same story — Tim asked and asked but was consistently refused. One day he simply gave me his number and told me to call him when I was ready, and he said he knew one day I would. And as he predicted the day finally came when I called him.

Who proposed? Tim did. He blurted into the condo we were living in at the time, having just come from my parents’ house getting their blessing, with a ring burning a hole in his pocket, and he dropped to his knees before me — where I was simply sitting on the couch in my sweatpants.

Who is more sensitive? Me!

Who has more friends? I’ve always had a ton of friends, but he’s really only had one true lasting friendship. Fortunately my friends’ husbands have become his friends so that gap is closing.