Long Relationships

Welcome (back) to Long Relationships!

As you know, every Monday I have been posting responses to the Our Story Meme (along with links to the responder’s site(s)), and I have been enjoying the answers a lot so far. Remember, if you haven’t answered the meme questions yet, feel free to send the answers to sylvr451@tpg.com.au (If you aren’t married, just skip the ‘who proposed’ question.)

Eliza, writer of Tom Cruise Watch, TV Bender, Reviewing Toys, and Kansas City, MO has responded to the questions this week to allow us a little peek into her relationship.

Enjoy…

How long have you been together? 12 years married in June

How long did you date? 3 months, but this was our second time.

How old is he? 30

Who eats more? Me

Who said ‘I love you’ first? Don’t recall, but probably him first.

Who is taller? He is

Who is smarter? I say he is, he says I am. Toss up.

Who does the laundry? I do

Who does the dishes? I do

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? me

Who pays the bills? he does

Who mows the lawn? He does

Who cooks dinner? I do

Who is more stubborn? him, but he’d say me.

Who kissed who first? both

Who asked who out? Don’t recall

Who proposed? He did, I was on the phone.

Who is more sensitive? me

Who has more friends? I do virtually, he does outside the computer (we just moved, it’s snowed a lot and I haven’t ventured out)

As I sit back for a moment after a morning of emails and other work and work-related activities, I pout a little because I know I shouldn’t be working on the weekend. I can’t help myself sometimes, though, and then end up wondering why I’m grumpy when Monday comes around.

Who wouldn’t, having not had a proper weekend?

This weekend, I want you to remind yourself of what a proper weekend is. There was a reason we looked forward to weekends so much as children. We should have that same enthusiasm now.

We spend so much time trying to get through the day, through the month, through the hard times, through the tight money times… When do we spend time enjoying time instead of trying to ‘get through’ it contstantly.

This weekend, for as long as you can manage it, leave the phone off the hook. Take the kids to a babysitter or family member. Put comfortable clothes on. Oh, and remember to stretch because stretching can feel fantastic.

Then? Then you sleep. Or watch silly daytime television, have a bowl of ice cream (or whatever your favourite treat is), paint your nails, take a bubble bath, or do whatever else it is you would always like to do but never seem to have the time for because you’re ‘getting through’ something. Take a mini holiday in your own home because often the people who do the most forget to take care of themselves the most.

Have a lovely weekend. See you on Monday.

The other night my husband, even though we’ve been married quite a while now, was telling someone about how we managed to have a low cost wedding that people still talk about today. That got me thinking that it would be fun to put up a Thursday Thirteen list of tips and tricks that helped me have a low cost wedding.

My wedding actually cost less than $2000 USD, but I don’t care to do all the conversion rates, etc.

Happy Thursday Thirteen!

1. Don’t mention ‘wedding’ – prices go up when you do
2. Shop around for your rings
3. Buy your rings during sale season
4. Buy your wedding dress on eBay or other online sites (I bought mine on eBay and it’s gorgeous)
5. Buy your veil online
6. Borrow where you can – wedding cars, traditional things, time and help
7. Remember it’s your wedding and invite only who you truly want to invite
8. Make your own invitations
9. Use a CD and save money on an organ/piano player
10. Buy things in bulk
11. Ask around to see what resources you have in friends (My husband and I had a friend who had a membership to a wine cellar, were more than happy to donate the cars for transporting the wedding party, etc)
12. Have everyone bring their digital cameras and get a cheaper photographer or someone you know who can take great photos as the primary photographer
13. Have one splurge item – it’s your wedding! (Mine? My bouquet.)

Check out my other Thursday Thirteens at Fiction Scribe, Write Anyway, and The Book Stacks

When I began planning my wedding, the word quickly spread around the office where my husband works. He’d long been though the ultimate bachelor (or married by some unattached women) and so word of his marriage came as a shock to many. That he was marrying someone much younger than him from the States… Well, it’s not surprising to hear people still talking about our wedding.

A woman who worked for the same company heard that I was planning the wedding on my own without even so much as female friends in the physical vicinity. She decided that was wrong and took it into her hands to help me out with the planning.

She didn’t have a daughter and was very excited to ‘adopt’ me. Having cut most ties to my family, I was feeling a bit lost and welcomed a motherly touch in my life.

Things went a bit astray. What she and I thought we wanted in our lives turned out to be the case. I was a bit mature and the non-shopping type to play true daughter, and I was beginning to realize that if my biological mother wasn’t going to be the mother I needed in my life, I certainly wasn’t interested in bringing in someone new to replace her.

The wedding went well and I appreciate everything she did for me, but even now things are a bit awkward between us because we’re not quite sure how to be around each other. We had expectations for each other that turned out to be not what either of us wanted and that hinders us from becoming close friends now.

With time and effort we can become close friends. However, I have learned to not step into relationships with expectations and that replacements never work…

Relationships are the things that can completely define our lives. Some we choose, some we don’t, but we maintain a level of control with all of them. Sometimes it doesn’t always feel like we have any control in some relationships, and that’s where the problem starts.

It may feel silly to say that your spouse is a bit of a bully or that you don’t know what to do because your parents make you feel awful but they’re you’re parents so you should love them…but you definitely aren’t alone when it comes to these type of things.

When you talk about your life and the reasons behind what you do, the term ‘should’ will probably come out of your mouth a few times. It’s the ‘should’ that alerts you to training that you received growing up. “I should love my parents unconditionally. I should obey my husband.”

It’s because of this training – the ‘shoulds’ in our lives – that we often stay in unhealthy relationships even though part (or all) of us knows that the relationship is bad for us. But it’s not exactly easy to reach out for help – especially with all those ‘shoulds’ floating around in our heads and the feelings of being silly or over sensitive.

If you’re concerned about a friend, family or romantic relationship in your life, one place you might want to start is at ReachOut.com.au where they have an awesome list of fact sheets about all kinds of relationships. They provide the basics on information about romantic and non-romantic relationships.

I hope you find it useful.

Happy Monday!

As you know, every Monday I have been posting responses to the Our Story Meme (along with links to the responder’s site(s)), and I have been enjoying the answers a lot so far. Remember, if you haven’t answered the meme questions yet, feel free to send the answers to sylvr451@tpg.com.au (If you aren’t married, just skip the ‘who proposed’ question.)

Today the lovely Toni of Watching Sitcoms and Watching the CW has told us a bit about her relationship.

Enjoy…

How long have you been together? 16 years in May

How long did you date? 75 days

How old is he? 42

Who eats more? he does

Who said ‘I love you’ first? I don’t remember

Who is taller? He is

Who is smarter? That’s debatable.

Who does the laundry? I do

Who does the dishes? I do

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? He does

Who pays the bills? I do

Who mows the lawn? He does

Who cooks dinner? I do

Who is more stubborn? That’s a toss up

Who kissed who first? Don’t recall

Who asked who out? Don’t recall

Who proposed? He did

Who is more sensitive? He is

Who has more friends? We have all the same friends

Hello and happy Friday everyone!

With the holiday weekend coming up and with many people busy because of it, I thought I would do a bit of digging into past weekend homework assignments to find something useful. And I did…

This week I would like you to do something that also means spending quality time together. This week I’ve been talking about stress and I mentioned couples meditation. Sometime this weekend, I would like you and your significant other to take at least a half hour to meditate together.

Remember, meditation is about looking inwardly and creating an environment that fits your comforts. You can even lie down while you’re doing it.

I realize this assignment could be tough – especially for couples with children. However, you can do this before bed time. (Meaning it’s okay to fall asleep while you’re meditating.) It might be just the thing to help you sleep more peacefully or at least get to sleep easier.

Try it out and let me know how it went. I’m a supporter of meditation and the benefits it can provide, so I’d love to hear if it did good things for you.

If anyone is interested, I have what are called hemi-sync tracks that you can listen to while you are sleeping. There are specific tracks for everything from increasing energy and productivity to encouraging weight loss.

No, they aren’t those “stop smoking while you sleep” things. They can help you relax and get you in the mood for things a little bit. What you decide to do beyond that is your choice. Feel free to use the contact me button if you are interested.

My husband and I are big foodies and love going out for romantic and exotic meals (when we can - thank goodness for all the local cultural diversity!). However, it’s always nice to have a romantic evening as well, and that calls for some special preparations…

Happy Thursday Thirteen!

1. An intimate space
2. More than one course
3. Small courses (full bellies aren’t the most romantic thing…)
4. Dim lighting (Did you know that there is a scientific reason dim lighting makes for more romantic spaces?)
5. Romantic, calming colours
6. Soft music in the background
7. Wine or champagne (otherwise known as ‘a touch of bling’)
8. Not your usual dinner dishes
9. Cloth napkins/serviettes
10. Aphrodisiacs (Now I’m hungry for oysters…)
11. A light but decadent dessert…
12. …preferably spreadable…(mousse, something with chocolate syrup)
13. Dressing in clothes that come off with little or no difficulty

Check out my other Thursday Thirteens at Fiction Scribe, Write Anyway, and The Book Stacks

I am in a mood for linking today, so I thought I would put up a list of a bunch of relationship quizzes I have come across over the weeks I’ve been writing here. Some are more serious than others, but I’m a complete quiz addict so the level of seriousness doesn’t usually matter to me…

Enjoy!

Quiz One – Pretty straightforward about how your relationship is going. I scored an eighty, which doesn’t sit well with the perfectionist in me, but there are a lot of questions not asked and I don’t need to have perfection in my relationship.

Love Personality Quiz – This quiz isn’t that great, but it rated me zero percent realistic about love, which made me laugh out loud, so I decided to stick it in here anyway.

Are You a Secure Lover? What’s Your Arguing Style (And More) – I have to admit it: I thought the URL of this place was hilarious so I decided to check out the quizzes. Can you blame me?

The Positive Way – This is another site with a lot of quizzes, so I figured I would just link to the main page and let you take a look through them.

How Good of Friend are You? – For the last quiz on today’s list, I decided to link to something non-romantic because it’s not always all about the romantic love.

I hope you enjoyed this brief vacation away from seriousness into the land of nearly pointless time wasters and other odd amusements. I won’t do it too often.

Sometimes, you just have to take some time away.

Couples sometimes forget that relationships to involve work. Work is a term we associate with certain non-relationship things, though, so we forget. We forget that changing for people is work. Learning to communicate more effectively is work. Balancing work, love, family, and friendship is work.

There is a lot of work involved in relationships, but the benefits of work are some of the greatest you’ll ever experience.

Then again, you don’t really need me to tell you that, do you?

On the subject of taking time away, that’s probably one of the things couples do less and less these days. There are so many responsibilities, and with rising costs, taking time off work and spending money for pleasure doesn’t always seem the most practical thing to do.

However, it is necessary to remember that work and money aren’t nearly as important as the relationships we have – and often take for granted.

Having had a bit of a stressful time lately, both with work and home life, my husband and I are taking advantage of the long holiday and are going camping.

Yes, you say, that may be all fine and well with you, but I have responsibilities.

Yes, any holiday brings with it responsibility and you might not be able to get away. However, if you’re the one hosting dinner, egg hunt, etc and it’s nothing but a stress for you (and thus for your partner), then you might want to ask why you’re doing it.

A lot of us impose responsibilities on ourselves because self-expectation and family expectations. But in the end, the pendulum of care has to swing back towards ‘me’ sometimes.

Weigh your options this week and figure out the best time to take some time away with your partner.

Hello and welcome to another “Our Story”. My awesomely awesome babe of a friend Randi - who writes for Parenting Toddlers and Brad Pitt Watch - has contributed this week.

Remember, if you’d like to contribute your answers, feel free to send them to me at sylvr451@tpg.com.au

How long have you been together?
What year is it?! We’ve been together 8 years.

How long did you date?
Three years - but I don’t consider that dating…I consider it a “trial period”!

How old is he?
Older than me, and that’s what counts!! He’ll be 35 in April.

Who eats more?
Him. DEFINITELY him. The man can eat a horse and not gain an ounce. Bastard.

Who said ‘I love you’ first?
I have that particular distinction!

Who is taller?
He is - but it’s not hard, I’m only 5′1″!

Who is smarter?
Me. Oh definitely me. Well, I guess I can’t say that - I have a formal education, but he has a lot of smarts as well and is no dumb cookie. But when it comes to who is right in an argument? ALWAYS me

Who does the laundry?
He does!!

Who does the dishes?
This is a cross between both of us. We take turns, although he’ll say that he does more…

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?
Me - its closer to the door!

Who pays the bills?
We both do.

Who mows the lawn?
He refuses to ‘waste’ money on a riding lawn mower, so he does, of course

Who cooks dinner?
9 times out of 10, I do. If he does, we’re guaranteed to have eggs, noodles, chicken fingers, or grilled cheese.

Who is more stubborn?
DEFINITELY me.

Who kissed who first?
I can’t remember! How sad is that! I think I kissed him first…

Who asked who out?
We never really asked each other out - my mother hooked us up (really sad) and we just started getting together and having sex…less than a month later I moved in!

Who proposed?
HA! He did.

Who is more sensitive?
Oh me - definitely me.

Who has more friends?
I have more close friends, but he has more casual friends and acquaintances.

Do you like reading and/or writing romance? If you do, then you are going to want to check out the site The Long and the Short of It.

The Long and the Short of It is a site filled with reviews, interviews, contests, and submissions all focusing around the romance genre. Not only that, they offer free short stories for your reading pleasure.

They have plenty of contests and even link to author contests so you can have even more chances to win great stuff.

If you like writing romance, you’ll want to know about their submission guidelines:

1. All submissions must be the original work of the author.

2. Submissions must be sent in the body of an email with the appropriate subject heading, i.e. “short story submission” or “article submission” in the subject line. Please single space and use readable fonts like Times New Roman or Courier. Attachments will not be opened. Failure to put the correct heading in the subject line may result in your submission being deleted as spam.

3. Include the word count, title of the story, your name, pen name (if desired), and email address, along with link to your website or blog, if available and a short (50 words or less) author bio.

4. Word limit—1000 words (or less). Items over this limit will be deleted unread.

5. All short stories, regardless of genre, must have strong romance elements included. All articles must deal with the writing craft or the life of a writer.

6. At this time, we do not pay for short stories, however we do offer the author the opportunity to promote their other work through links to their website and/or book covers of previous works on the story, article or Fun Stuff page during the week of publication.

7. Please allow thirty days before enquiring about the status of your submission.

The Long and the Short of It is an open submissions site and we enjoy finding new writers and giving them a voice in a very busy marketplace. We read every submission we receive and judge them on the quality of writing, without regard to the author’s previous publication experience. However, the standard is extremely high and all submissions will be up against authors who take their writing and their growth in the craft seriously. We reserve the right to edit all material submitted for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and clarity. However, this is not an excuse to submit poorly executed stories.

Proofread your story, make it the best it can be and send a professional submission to us.

Those are just the general submission guidelines. Go to the submissions page if you want specific guidelines for articles, author interviews, and short stories.

The relationships between close friends and those between lovers have long been the focus of many great stories (and celebrity rumors) through time. The dynamics of friend and lover relationships are so interesting to the voyeurs in all of us, it’s no wonder such names seem a little empty without the other pairing it.

This week I am listing some famous couples because I have experienced what many people have experienced - “there’s not one without the other”. While I don’t think of it as a bad thing, I am amused that when my name comes up, it’s usually paired with my husband’s.

(Has anyone else experienced this?)

Happy Thursday Thirteen!

(Fictional and non-fictional)

1. Adam and Eve
2. Anthony and Cleopatra
3. Mickey and Minnie Mouse
4. Zeus and Hera
5. Romeo and Juliet
6. Mother Earth and Father Sky
7. Neo and Trinity (added for my amusement)
8. Bill and Hillary Clinton
9. Oberon and Titania
10. Barbie and Ken
11. Marge and Homer Simpson
12. Bert and Ernie
13. Rhett and Scarlet Butler

Check out my other Thursday Thirteens at Fiction Scribe, Write Anyway, and The Book Stacks

Perhaps you met online. Got married ‘quickly’. Perhaps you both have different religious beliefs. Maybe you’re one half of an interracial relationship. Or maybe, your ages are just a little too far apart for people not to talk about you.

No matter what it is, big or small, you’re likely to face someone saying something about your relationship. People tend to judge, especially if someone is going against what they feel is ‘proper and right’. The key to a long relationship is not only not letting these judgments get to you but also talking about how they make you feel.

The thing about people judging you is that if you get told something often enough, you start to believe it. It’s happened to many people, including myself. If you have someone in your life continuously telling you your partner’s beliefs are wrong or that you and your partner are just too different to each other and you don’t talk about how it makes you feel with your partner (and that person) then you’ll end up internalizing it, possibly putting your relationship in crisis.

This isn’t to say everyone who has something negative to say about your relationship has no idea what they are talking about, but there is a point at which comments of concerns turn into being hurtful and not at all constructive.

By talking to the person or people who is/are making the comments, you’re being honest about how you feel as well as establishing boundaries. No one has the right to make you feel bad and this life shouldn’t be wasted on people who are negative influences.

Talking about it with your partner can not only help you maintain a level of openness and honest with your partner, but perhaps your partner has heard those comments as well. Not talking about the things that bother you can drive a wedge between you and your partner. Why not share the burden and talk about possible solutions?

The bottom is there are a lot of people out there who like to go on about negative things and not even your relationship is sacred. The sooner you address those people and those issues, the faster you can move on with your lives. Use this as a way to strengthen your relationship, not chip away at it.

For your enjoyment, some love poetry.

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine…
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

- Courtney Kuchta –

To a Woman Passing By
Jan Owen
Translated from the French of Charles Baudelaire

Around me howled the deafening street.
Tall and slim, in mourning, and with such
sad majesty, a woman passed; rich
with rings, her hand drew back the hem of her skirt.
She was lithe and light, like a statue behind her veil.
Foolishly, desperately, tense, I drank her in
-those eyes’ grey heavens where hurricanes begin,
a captivating sweetness, the pleasure that kills.
One lightning flash … then night. Fugitive beauty
whose glance suddenly wakened and lifted me,
will I only see you again in eternity?
Elsewhere, faraway, too late, never, maybe?
Where the other is going, neither of us can tell.
Ah, you whom I could have loved - you knew it well!

Sonnet 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

William Shakespeare